In Another World
by SergeantPixie
Summary: "He never tells her that it's going to be okay, because the both know it won't be, never again."
1. Say Goodbye, Never Look Back

**Say Goodbye, Never Look Back**

"_But in the real world,_

_We must say real goodbyes,_

_No matter if the love will live,_

_It will never die,_

_In the real world,_

_There are things that we can't change,_

_And endings come to us,_

_In ways that we can't rearrange,_

_I love you and you love me,_

_But sometimes we must let it be,_

_In the real world,_

_In the real world…."_

_-Roy Orbison_

"_In the Real World"_

Cinna's excited. Katniss' dress is a masterpiece surpassed only by the lithe beauty that wears it. And he's certain that no one will be able to forget her, Katniss Everdeen, Girl on fire. Cinna knows she's nervous, but he has faith that if she shows the audience just a glimpse of the girl he has seen, the girl that volunteered for her sister, they will all adore her.

As Cinna idly taps his fingers on his leg, he wonders briefly where said beauty has gone. He glances at the group of well-dressed tributes. Peeta's talking to little Rue who glows with whimsical delight. Junoesque Glimmer flirts obscenely with her district partner who goes along with it good-naturedly. Haymitch's off to the side discreetly drinking from his flask. It looks as if everyone's there except for Cinna's Girl on Fire and the brutal Cato. Cinna chews on his lip thoughtfully. Just then Effie flies by in a flurry of excitement. Cinna reaches out to grab her arm. She looks at him with tense surprise.

"Where's Katniss?" He questions as he releases her arm. Effie relaxes and flashes him her manic smile.

"She went to the lady's room," she responds chirpily as she darts over to berate Haymitch for his drinking. Cinna nods.

"Thank you," he calls after her. Effie waves her hand at him in acknowledgement. Cinna sits in his chair for a minute before he decides to walk around a bit.

As he wanders around the building he finds himself in a nearly empty hallway near the restrooms. He hears a rustle and a quiet sigh from somewhere around the corner. The rustling increases and he hears the murmur of a man's voice. Cinna decides to investigate. He quietly creeps closer until he's at the corner, and then slowly sticks his head around it. He gasps. It's Katniss, and Cato.

They stand facing one another. Cato's left hand is caressing Katniss' cheek tenderly and Katniss' right hand is settled on the back of Cato's neck, her fingers curled in the short hairs there. Their other hands are intertwined and Cato's forehead is leaned against Katniss'. Cinna holds his breath, stunned, because he's surprised that the first word that entered his head when he saw them in such in intimate position was,_ love_. _That's what love should_ l_ook like. _He thinks numbly.

Katniss' grey eyes scan Cato's face hungrily, as if she's trying to memorize his features, and Cato looks at her softly, _so softly_, and with such love. Cinna thinks back to the deadly, heartless boy who volunteered for this and realizes that he can't see any of that boy in the man who caresses Katniss' face as if she's the most precious thing in the world. Katniss has been transformed as well, her face, usually indifferent and harsh, all angles—is soft, her lips turned up ever so slightly at the corners. But there is sadness there. It clings to both of them. The way she devours him with her dark eyes looks like a farewell and the way he squeezes her hand tight speaks of dread.

"What would you do if we didn't have to say goodbye?" Katniss asks suddenly. Cato's eyes widen slightly but then he scrunches his nose in contemplation. Cinna watches them both in silence.

"If we didn't have to say goodbye, lovely, I'd love you for forever and a day, and even then I wouldn't be able to look away long enough to ever stop," Cato finally replies. Katniss smiles sadly. "But since we do have to say goodbye Kat," he continues sorrowfully. "I need you to know, that I love you, no matter what happens, I love you," he says desperately. Katniss smiles brokenly.

"And I love you," she whispers hoarsely. Cato smiles.

"I know," he says quietly.

Neither speak for a moment and Cinna finds it hard to breathe for a second, he's never seen anything quite so terrible, the Girl on Fire and her Career Tribute, in all their tragic beauty.

"In a different world," Katniss begins desperately, "We'd never have to say goodbye." Her voice trails off wistfully. Cato's lips quirk up in understanding.

"But we live in this world," he reminds her gently.

"I know," she says bitterly. They stand together in silence as she scans his face for something. Cinna isn't entirely sure what though.

"Goodbye Katniss," Cato says, speaking her name with absolute reverence.

"Goodbye Cato," Katniss says, his name a prayer between her ruby lips.

They part slowly, Cato heading in one direction, and Katniss in the other. They don't (_can't_) look back. When they're gone Cinna slowly heads back the way he came, his head spinning.

* * *

><p>Cinna sits numbly in his seat, smiling and trying to look interested, but his mind is still trying to process what he's just seen. He glances over at Katniss; she's looking down at her lap and nervously twists her hands. His gaze shifts over to Cato who is talking animatedly to his district partner, Clove. They never glance over at one another.<p>

It's as if there is a wall between them, as if they severed their hearts from their chests and then refused to bleed. Cinna is amazed at their restraint, and if he hadn't seen them together only minutes before, he would have never guessed that they _love_ each other. Peeta leans forward and says something to Katniss, and she stops twisting her hands and answers distractedly. The interviews begin. Cinna turns his head away from his Girl on Fire, and tries to pay attention to the overly sexed Glimmer.

When it's Cato's turn, Cinna is momentarily surprised by his attitude. He's cold, and comes off as a killing machine, but Cinna quickly reminds himself that this is the way Cato normally acts, that the man he saw in the hallway with Katniss was only for the eyes of his loved one. When Katniss shyly steps on the stage he looks for the soft features of the girl in the hallway, he doesn't find them. He wonders if it's hard, holding all of that in. Katniss spins and she's on fire, Cinna's eyes flicker over to Cato, and he appears unaffected. But for a second his eyes are unguarded and Cinna has to look away from the awe—and from the anguish—lurking behind them.

When it's Peeta's turn Cinna is almost relaxed, and laughs with the rest of the audience. But then Caesar's asking him about a special girl and the words come out reluctantly.

_"Because she came here with me." _Cinna glances over at Katniss, she's looking at her lap, her cheeks red, her hands tremble and Cinna knows it's with barely concealed rage. His eyes seek out Cato, whose eyes are flat and cold, and Cinna knows with certainty that Peeta has signed his own death certificate. Cinna knows it's unfair but thinks that he might hate the polite son of District 12's baker.

* * *

><p>They hear a crash and Cinna rushes into the room with Effie, Portia, and Haymitch. Peeta's on the ground a broken vase surrounding him, his hands bleeding. His blue eyes stare up at Katniss with confusion and hurt. Katniss is barely holding it together; her grey eyes filled with tears and barely suppressed rage. Cinna wonders how much more she can take. Everyone else is fussing over Peeta and Cinna approaches Katniss slowly.<p>

They calm both of them down, and the rage is once again hidden in Katniss' dark eyes. She opens her mouth and asks, "_Did you think I could be in love with him too?" _She directs the question at everyone except Peeta.

They are all quick to respond, to tell her "_yes, of course!"_

But Cinna thinks of the girl in the hallway, her face soft and her words desperate. He thinks of the girl on the stage looking at her hands, her cheeks red. Yes, to someone who didn't know, she looked like a girl in love. But he saw the girl in the hallway, and knows better. He doesn't answer. Because he knows the truth, she isn't a girl who could fall in love; she is a girl waiting for her heart to be _slaughtered._


	2. Hello Beautiful Girl

**Hello Beautiful Girl**

"_Something in your voice caused me to turn my head,_

_Your smile, just captured me,_

_And you were in my future as far as I could see…_

_Well you had me from "hello",_

_I felt love start to grow,_

_The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me,_

_It was over from the start, you completely stole my heart…._

_I never had a chance you know,_

_You had me from "Hello"…._

_Girl I've loved you from "Hello…."_

_-Kenny Chesney_

"_You Had Me From Hello"_

Cato is twelve years old when he's allowed to go on his first Victory Tour. Career Tributes are traditionally taken on a Victory Tour as training for their own Victory Tour. Brutus had been at his house when Cato got home from school, sitting in the kitchen with Cato's beaming Mother. Brutus proudly informed him that he would be going on his first tag-along Victory Tour in just a few weeks.

Cato had been ecstatic. He had only began training two years before, and not very many twelve year olds get to go as a tag-along, but Brutus said that he shows a lot of promise. Cato walks around in a daze for about a week, and his best friend Clove calls him stuck-up and won't talk to him, but he doesn't care, because he knows she's just jealous that he's going and she isn't.

The Victor is from District One, so Cato doesn't know him, and tries to stay out if his way when they are on the train. They're heading to District Twelve first, and Cato isn't very excited because whenever he sees the Victory party at Twelve on TV it doesn't look very fun. But he likes the train and he likes watching the scenery rush by. They arrive in Twelve, and it isn't very fun, but it is _different. _There aren't many fancy buildings and the citizens look scrawny and drab.

Brutus introduces him to District Twelve's only living Victor, Haymitch Abernathy. The man isn't super tall, and has brown hair and gray eyes. Cato's pretty sure he's drunk. Brutus tells him that he's going to visit with Haymitch and that he shouldn't wander too far away from them. Cato nods obediently and tries to enjoy himself at the party, but he soon gets bored and quietly wanders away from the revelries.

He finds himself wandering through a dingy looking part of the town, when he hears the high dulcet tones of a young girl singing. He curiously follows the sound to a meadow on the edge of the town. And then he sees her.

She's standing amongst the tall grass, and she can't be much younger than him. Her long dark hair is braided down her back and she's dancing a strange leaping dance. Her face is pale and lovely; she reaches her little hands towards a speck of light and snatches at it. Her voice weaves a melody of glee and childish wonder, and Cato can't help but think that she's beautiful.

_Fireflies. _He thinks dumbly. _She's trying to catch fireflies. _She giggles and leaps gracefully to catch a firefly just out of reach, she sighs cutely when she doesn't catch it, and Cato decides that she looks like a cat with a cat toy. She continues her game and Cato works up the courage to speak to her. She finishes her song and he takes a deep breath, preparing himself to speak.

"You sound pretty when you sing," he says shyly. She startles at the sound of his voice and whips around, her hand pressed to her thin chest. Her eyes are grey like a storm and he thinks she looks cute when she's startled.

"Oh, hello, I didn't know anyone else was here," she says in a rush. Then she stops and looks at him quizzically. "Who are you?" She asks cautiously. "No one is suppose to be out here when a Victory Party is going on, at least that's what my daddy told me," she concludes curiously. Cato smiles at her lecture.

"I'm Cato and I can be out here if I want to be," he says arrogantly, slowly gaining his normal confidence back. "You shouldn't be out here either," he says smugly. She scowls at him and he grins, irritating her is fun.

"Cato's a weird name," she states snottily and Cato scowls at her. "And I know I'm not suppose to be out here, but I wanted to see the fireflies," she says defiantly. He thinks back to the way she leapt and twirled in pursuit of them and smiles. He takes a step closer to the dark-haired girl, she look about ten, two years younger than him.

"Cato's an awesome name," he states flatly. "Anyways, I bet it's cooler than yours," he challenges, she glares at him and opens her mouth to speak, but he cuts her off. "I saw you trying to catch the fireflies, you looked like a cat with a cat toy," he says with a fond smile. She gasped in outrage.

"I did not look like a cat!" She yelps defensively and he arches an eyebrow in response. "And my name is Katniss, which is _way _cooler than Cato," she declares with spirit. Cato smirks, her name _is_ cool, and he tells her so. But then he informs her his name is still cooler. She rolls her eyes at him and he smiles at her antics.

"You did look like a cat though, and you have a Kat in your name, so I'm going to call you Kat," he informs her in a matter of fact tone. She huffs in indignation.

"But I'm not a cat!" She states in irritation.

"You are to me," he responds flatly.

"Nu-uh!" She responds petulantly. He rolls his eyes at stubbornness.

"Yes you are. You know you should probably thank me for the compliment," he reminds her smugly. She looks at him in irritated confusion.

"What compliment? You called me a cat, that's not a compliment," she states accusingly. He heaves a dramatic sigh.

"No, not that. What I said first, you sound very pretty when you sing," he explains patiently. She looks taken aback.

"Oh," she says softly, and her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink, and Cato decides she looks best like this, all shy and cute. "Thank you, my daddy taught me how," she says with a soft smile. "He sounds even better though. When he sings all the birds stop to listen," she says dreamily. He likes the way her eyes turn soft when she talks about her dad.

"You're welcome," he says graciously. "They do? That's so cool," he continues enthusiastically. She nods her head with fervor.

"Yeah they do," she says brightly, and then she tilts her head to the side and looks at him oddly. "Why haven't I ever seen you around before?" She asks curiously. He smiles at her furrowed brow, she was adorable.

"It's 'cause I'm from District Two," he states simply. Her eyes get big and she looks startled.

"Why are you in District Twelve?" She asks in awe. "I thought no one was suppose to leave their district unless they were in the Games," she says innocently. He smiles at her big dark eyes and awestruck expression.

"They aren't," he says simply. At her confusion he explains. "I'm in training to be a Career Tribute, and part of our training is to go on the Victory Tour as a tag-along," he says with pride. Her expression is unreadable.

"Oh," she says stiffly. He is surprised at her sudden coldness. "What's wrong?" He asks in confusion. She bites her soft pink lower lip and looks at him with troubled dark eyes.

"Why are you a Career?' She asks, her voice sounds disgusted when she says the word "Career". Cato is confused by her disgust.

"Because it's an honor to win the Hunger Games," he recites with enthusiasm. She looks troubled but nods like she understands.

"I guess," she says softly.

"Katniss!" A man's voice calls from behind him. Katniss' face lights up and she runs towards it. Cato turns around and watches as she launches herself at a tall man with dark hair and grey eyes just like hers. The man sees him and raises an eyebrow at her. She slides down form his embrace and tugs him over to Cato.

"Daddy this is Cato, he's from District Two!" She says with excitement. The man smiles kindly at Cato, and Cato decides he likes Katniss' father.

"Hello Cato, it is a pleasure to meet you," he says warmly. "Are you the tag along Career Tribute this year?" He asks knowingly. Cato nods and says,

"Yeah I am. I should probably go find Brutus, he told me not to wander off, and I don't want worry him," Katniss' father smiles and nods in agreement.

"That's a good idea," Then he looks at his daughter and smiles. "I'm going back to the festivities, don't wander off again Katniss," he says in warning. She nods eagerly.

"Yes Daddy," she chirps.

"Bye Cato, nice to meet you. See you later Katniss," he says to them and walks back to the party. They watch him go in silence. Cato turns to look at Katniss; her lovely face is thoughtful. She turns to him and looks at him searchingly. He looks back at her expectantly.

"It was nice to meet you Cato," she finally says sweetly. He nods in agreement.

"It was nice to meet you too, Kat," se says affectionately. She wrinkles her nose at the nickname. She then impulsively leans forward and kisses his cheek. Her lips are soft and Cato is stunned. Her face is pink and she bites her lower lip again as she looks down.

"If you do go into the Games, I hope you win," she says softly. He barely manages to stutter out a thank you. "Bye Cato," she says quickly and she darts off towards the party. Cato stands in the meadow for a minute, trying to gain his composure back. He slowly heads back into town. His lips turn up into a smile, and he decides that he likes District Twelve.

He arrives at the party and Brutus immediately spots him and makes his way towards him with an angry expression on his face. "Where were you?" He demands in fury. But Cato is numb to his anger. He smiles dazedly and responds.

"I met the girl I'm going to marry someday."


	3. Don't You Know You're Beautiful?

**Don't You Know You're Beautiful**

"_The first time ever I saw your face_

_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_

_And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave_

_To the dark and the empty skies, my love,_

_To the dark and the empty skies._

_The first time ever I kissed your mouth_

_And felt your heart beat close to mine_

_Like the trembling heart of a captive bird_

_That was there at my command, my love_

_That was there at my command…"_

_-Roberta Flack_

"_First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"_

Cato is sitting in Kat's meadow in the earlier morning light, waiting for her, and he's nervous. He knows that he's not suppose to be scared of anything, but Katniss, or more specifically what Katniss can do to him, that scares him. He's sixteen years old, and a fourteen year old girl is not suppose to be everything to him, but she is. And he's pretty sure she'll always be. Every year since he was twelve he's spent as much time as possible in District 12 sleeping on Haymitch Abernathy's couch, just to see her.

He doesn't get to see her often, unless Brutus, his mentor, can find a reason to go to District 12. Sometimes it's only for a day or two, once the previous year; he had spent an entire month there. But the one thing he can count on is the two weeks of the Victory tour. Brutus always manages to get him on the train and Cato always manages to avoid getting back on it until the train came through for some bogus mission that Brutus sends it on.

Cato isn't entirely sure why Brutus helps him visit Katniss, but he knows he's grateful, so he doesn't question the older man's motives. Although he suspects that underneath the hard exterior of a Victor, the man is a romantic at heart. And when Brutus can't go with him, he sends him off with a greeting to Katniss, whom he fondly calls "Little Bird". So Cato just enjoys all the time he can get with his—_f__riend_. And that's why he's nervous. Because he—Career Tribute of District 2—doesn't know how to tell the most amazing girl he's ever known, that he doesn't just want to be her friend.

That he actually wants to do all those dumb mushy things, like holding hands, whispering words into her soft skin, and playing with her long dark hair that looks like fucking _silk. _He doesn't know how to explain to her that he's pretty much loved her since he'd first seen her in the very meadow he currently sat in, chasing fireflies and singing like the little bird Brutus claims her to be. He's wanted to marry since he was twelve years old, and he doesn't even know if she loves him back.

His best friend back in District 2, Clove, likes to tell him he's an idiot to think she doesn't. But Clove is a bitch, and a straightforward one at that, and Katniss isn't. She comes off as cold, but he's known her since before she became guarded, and is one of the few people who has seen her soft side. Besides Clove has only met Katniss once when Cato and Clove were fourteen and Katniss was twelve. The two girls didn't instantly hit it off, but Clove has respect for the younger girl because she takes care of her family.

He hopes she does love him back, because he knows everything about her. Like when her dad died when she was eleven, and she had to step up and become the head of the family because her mom was too far-gone. He met Gale not long after they started to hunt together, and it wasn't too long before Gale was in the same damn position as him, and the two boys became pseudo friends who secretly hate each other.

He's met her best friend Madge, the mayor's daughter (although Katniss introduced the quiet blonde as an acquaintance, he knows that Katniss doesn't spend time with anyone she doesn't care about). He knows the person she loves best in the world is her little sister Prim. He knows that when she sings, the world stops. He knows she doesn't trust her mother, and that it kills her every day. He's seen her shoot an arrow and hit her mark every time. He knows her hugs are soft, and that she smells like mint and the forest she adores. He knows she doesn't smile much, but when she does; it's like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. He knows all this about her, but he doesn't know if she loves him.

Suddenly two hands clamp down on his shoulders and he startles and ends up on his back. He hears Katniss' bubbling laughter, and he knows that she'd been watching him for a while. He sits up and glares at her. She bits her lip and tries not to laugh, but her eyes are full of mischief, and she can't hold it in.

"Your face!" she gasps out as she leans forward, her small lithe body shaking with laughter.

"Ha, ha, very funny Kat," Cato says flatly. She lets out a small giggle and Cato's stomach swoops ridiculously. She stands up straight and looks down at him with a mock serious expression.

"No you're right, it isn't funny at all, the big bad Career flinching because of his half-pint friend," she says teasingly, her grey eyes full of laughter. He sits up straight and looks at her mock defiance.

"I'll have you know lovely, my half-pint friend can be quite terrifying," he says seriously. She smirks at him with one eyebrow raised in speculation.

"Sure," she says with a roll of her eyes. She stretches her arms above her head and her shirt rises to display a sliver of silken flesh, and Cato stares at with hunger in his eyes. She offers him her hand. "Come on, I want to go to the lake," she says as she pulls him to his feet completely unaware of what she does to him. He follows her in compatible silence as she makes her way to the fence and shimmies under it.

* * *

><p>They've been in the forest for several hours and the afternoon sun has made them lazy. Katniss sits at the edge of the lake; one leg submerged in it and the other bent at the knee, her toes just barely getting wet. Cato's sprawled out on the grass behind her, chewing on a blade of grass as Katniss hums a lazy tune. Both are content in their comfortable positions and don't feel the need to talk.<p>

Cato turns his head towards his beautiful friend and lets his eyes wander over her slender graceful form. She shifts her hips to slowly to some melody in her head and he stifles a groan. He wonders if she knows the effect she has on him. He decides she probably doesn't, otherwise she wouldn't torture him so.

"Staring isn't polite Cato," Katniss says lazily as she drags herself up and turns to face him with a playful smirk. He smiles at her indulgently.

"Just enjoying the scenery, lovely," he drawls with a wink. She laughs and stands up to make her way towards him, taking a seat against a tree near him.

"Sorry I was in the way," she says playfully. He sits up to look at her with a smirk.

"Lovely, you are the scenery," he declares honestly.

"Sure I am," she says while rolling her eyes in exasperation.

"Yes you are," he says flatly. She doesn't respond just makes a noise of disbelief.

She leans her head back against the tree and closes her eyes. He watches her and notices something that makes him smile.

"Hey Kat?" He asks with smug amusement. Her eyes fly open and she looks at him with exasperation.

"Yes Cato?" She says impatiently.

"Well if you're going to be grouchy lovely, I'm not going to tell you," he says tauntingly. She rolls her eyes at his sour tone.

"Fine," she drags out tiredly. "I am so sorry, please forgive me for my rudeness Almighty Cato," she says overdramatically. He smirks at her antics.

"Almighty Cato?" He questions in amusement. "I like it, I shall forgive you for your rudeness, lovely," he says pompously. She scoffs and rolls her eyes at him.

"Don't let that inflate your already huge ego," she says with zest.

"Too late, lovely," he singsongs at her with a smirk. She frowns at him and looks at him questionably.

"Why do you always call me that?" She says with slight annoyance. He looks at her in confusion and sits up to get a better look at her.

"What, lovely?" He says in bewilderment. She sighs exasperatedly.

"Yes, that," she says with a frown. He looks at her blankly, wondering why it seemed to bother her.

"Because you are lovely, lovely," he says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. She sits up straight in agitation.

"No I'm not," she declares flatly and he looks at her stupidly. "Madge is lovely, Prim is lovely, Mother is-was lovely. I am just Katniss," she declares flatly. He looks at her in disbelief and moves closer to her.

"You don't look in a mirror very often do you lovely?" He asks rather smugly. He eyes narrow in confusion.

"What's that suppose to mean?" She asks suspiciously.

"It means you don't see yourself very clearly, lovely, because you are in fact, lovely," he says with amusement. She looks at him in irritation.

"Well I don't think so," she says snootily. He just smirks at her.

"Nobody cares what you think Kat," he says flatly, refusing to back down. She gasps indignantly.

"Yeah, well nobody agrees with you," she says triumphantly but he just raises his eyebrow at her.

"You think other boys don't think you're beautiful?" He asks in amusement. She raises her chin defiantly.

"No, they don't," she says, sure of herself. He smirks at her defiance.

"I'm pretty sure your friend Gale thinks so," Cato says smugly and continues. "And the Baker's son, and that redheaded peacekeeper, and-" She cuts him off abruptly.

"They don't think I'm pretty!" She protests baffled. He looks at her blankly.

"You're right, they don't," he agrees with her easily.

"Thank you," she says primly. He smirks and continues.

"They think you're beautiful Kat, not just pretty," he explains slowly. She huffs in irritation.

"No they don't, because I'm not!" She declares childishly.

"Yes they do," he says flatly. "And yes you are Kat. I would find your stubbornness annoying, except it's one of the many reasons why I love you," he continues and then stops when her realizes what he had just said; she looks at him with wide grey eyes. He looks back at her with anticipation for her reaction to his sudden confession.

"You love me?" She asks timidly. He looks at her dark eyes that regard him in this new light shyly.

"Of course I do," he answers gently. "Why else would I come here every year?" He continues honestly.

"Because you're a good friend?" She asks weakly. He looks at her blankly.

"Lovely, even you know that's a weak excuse," he says flatly.

"I guess I've never thought about why you come here, I'm just glad you do," she confesses quietly and his heart jumps to his throat. _Could she mean?_

"I'm always glad I come too Kat. But come on, I sleep on Haymitch's couch, because the rest of his house is terrifying, just to see you," he says exasperatedly. "And I've done it every year since I was twelve," he adds as an afterthought. Her cheeks turn the most delicious shade of pink and Cato stifles another groan. She's possibly the most clueless girl he had ever met.

"I thought maybe you just wanted to see Haymitch," she claims lamely. "Or more of District 12," she adds sounding unsure. He rolls his eyes at her obliviousness.

"Kat, the only thing I want in District 12, is you," he tells her gently. She catches her breath and looks at him with unreadable eyes.

"Oh," she whispers softly.

"So?" He prods gently. She cocks her head to the side in confusion.

"So what?" she questions. He rolls his eyes in exasperation.

"So, do you love me too?" He elaborates. Her eyes widen in understanding.

"Oh, that," she says shyly.

"Yes that, lovely," he says impatiently. She takes a deep breath and moves closer to him, so close that he can count the golden freckles on her nose.

"Yes, of course I love you," she whispers while she looks at him shyly. He smiles then, and she responds with one of her own.

"So I guess we've come to an agreement then," he says casually as he slides an arm around her slim waist to drag her closer.

"What's that?" She murmurs.

"I'm yours, and you're mine," he practically growls.

"I think I can agree to that," she whispers as he leans his forehead against hers.

"Good 'cause you don't have a choice," he declares lowly. She laughs softly.

"Cato?" She questions.

"Yes lovely?" he asks tenderly.

"What were you going to tell me earlier?" she asks curiously. He grins as he remembers how this perfect moment had begun.

"Oh that," he says with a laugh. "I was going to tell you have dandelion fluff in your hair," he explains fondly. She raises her hand to touch the side of her head and pulls the bit of fluff out.

"Why didn't you take it out?" She asks with a pout. He smiles at her, she was just too adorable.

"'Cause you look cute with dandelion fluff in your hair Kat," he says seriously. She leans back a little bit to glare at him.

"I hate you Cato," she declares with spirit but he just grins at her.

"Nope, you love me," he says with joy. She huffs and rolls her eyes at him.

"Unfortunately," she says half-seriously.

"Actually, fortunately, because I love you," He says matter-of-factly. "And if you didn't love me back I'd die," he declares dramatically and she rolls her eyes at his antics.

"Oh hush Cato," she says grumpily.

"Whatever you say, lovely," he says with a smile.

"You are going to be impossible from now on, aren't you?" She asks exasperatedly. He smiles and pulls her closer and she slings her arms around his neck.

"Pretty much," he admits.

"But it doesn't matter, because you love me," he finishes happily. Her fingers curl around the hair at the nape of his neck and she looks at him with a sigh.

"I should have lied and said I didn't," she declares playfully. He shakes his head in response.

"No, you shouldn't have, besides I would've known you were lying because you can't lie," he explains as his thumbs glide in circles on her hips.

"No, you're right, I can't," she admits softly.

"Hey Kat?" he says softly.

"Yes Cato?" she responds softly.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he says seriously and then he leans down and captures her lips before she can respond. She groans softly and pulls him closer.

She tastes like honey and mint and everything he's ever wanted.


	4. She'd Do Anything to Keep Them Safe

**She'd Do Anything to Keep Them Safe**

"_Your baby blues_

_So full of wonder_

_Your curly cues_

_Your contagious smile_

_And as I watch_

_You start to grow up_

_All I can do is hold you tight_

_Knowing clouds will rage in_

_Storms will race in_

_But you will be safe in my arms_

_Rains will pour down_

_Waves will crash all around_

_But you will be safe in my arms_

_Storybooks are full of fairy tales_

_Of kings and queens and the bluest skies_

_My heart is torn just in knowing_

_You'll someday see the truth from lies_

_Knowing clouds will rage in_

_Storms will race in_

_But you will be safe in my arms_

_Rains will pour down_

_Waves will crash all around_

_But you will be safe in my arms_

_Castles they might crumble_

_Dreams may not come true_

_But you are never all alone_

_Because I will always_

_Always love you…"_

_-Plumb_

"_In My Arms"_

Katniss Everdeen's not an easy person to read. She doesn't show much emotion, and there are few things that the people of District 12 know about her. They know she's a good hunter, that she can sing as well as her father, and that Gale Hawthorne and Peeta Mellark and Darius the peacekeeper are all a little in love with her. They know she has friend who visits her from District 2, a tall handsome boy who can make her smile like no other, they know she had her father's eyes, and hair, but still looks just like her mother. But the one thing they know above all else about the grey-eyed huntress is that she loves her little sister Primrose Everdeen, and that she'd do anything for her. Even die for her.

* * *

><p>Katniss takes her time in the bath, the day of the Reaping, thinking about what's to come. She knows that it's Cato's year to volunteer for the Games, but it doesn't make it any easier. She knows that he's the best Career tribute District 2 has, but she doesn't want him to go. She doesn't want him to end up like Haymitch, who drinks until he doesn't remember, or like Brutus, who closed off his heart to everyone. But a small selfish part of her doesn't want to have to watch him in the Games. She doesn't want to see him kill anyone, or get hurt, or starve, or worst of all, <em>die<em>. He's hers, and she hates that the Capitol will take some part of him away from her.

She soaks in the tub, and thinks of all the things that she hates about the Capitol, and lists them to calm her smoldering anger. She eventually slides out of the bath and goes to get ready with her mother and Prim. Her Mother has a beautiful blue dress laid out for her and Katniss shyly kisses her cheeks in thanks.

"If Cato wins, does that mean he can marry you like he always wants to?" Prim asks suddenly, looking at her big sister with wide expecting eyes. Katniss looks at her, startled.

"I suppose as a Victor he could do whatever he wanted to Prim," their mother answers instead. Katniss looks at her gratefully.

"Good, because if I have to have a brother, I want it to be Cato," Prim declares happily. Katniss laughs at her sister's enthusiasm.

"And if I have to have a husband, I want it to be Cato," Katniss replies to her little sister. Their mother smiles at them and goes about fixing Katniss' hair.

When Katniss and sister go to take their places at the reaping Katniss realizes Prim is too afraid to let go of her hand, so she leads her up to the twelve-year-old section and tenderly kisses her forehead. "You'll be safe little duck, I promise," Katniss whispers to her sister.

"I know," Prim whispers back. Katniss makes her way back to the sixteen-year-old section and stands next Madge, who slips her hand into hers.

Madge's father begins his usual speech and Katniss feels her shoulder's grow more and more tense as the reaping rapidly approaches. Haymitch drunkenly staggers on to stage and takes his seat and he blearily searches the crowd until his eyes meet Katniss'. He nods at her when they do and she returns it discreetly. Katniss eyes wander over to the eighteen-year-old section, and find Gale quickly. He turns his head towards her and flashes her a tense smile that she returns. Madge trembles next to her so Katniss squeezes the blonde girl's hand quickly, and Madge returns it just as quickly. Effie Trinket reaches her hand in to the glass bowl full of girl's names. She shuffles the slips around and then draws one out. She unfolds the small slip of paper.

"Primrose Everdeen." She reads out clearly, and Katniss' world stops. Madge's gentle touch is suddenly the only thing she is aware of. Her blonde friend's arm quickly slides around her waist, holding her up. And all Katniss can think is, _I can't lose both of them, I_ _can't. _So she steps out of Madge's arm and opens her mouth, _because she promised Prim that she was safe._

"I volunteer."

* * *

><p>Katniss sits on the small couch, as two peacekeepers lead her mother and Prim in. When they close the door Prim launches herself at Katniss and cries as their mother takes a seat next to Katniss. She wraps her arms around both of her daughters and Prim sobs into her sister's neck.<p>

"Why did you do that Katniss?" Prim cries in anguish. She sits up straight in her sister's lap as their mother releases her hold on them and glares at Katniss defiantly. "You were supposed to stay here with me! What about Cato?" She continues inconsolably. Katniss pets her sister's hair and looks at her with soft eyes.

"Prim you know perfectly well why I did this. I can't stay here with you if you aren't here," she explains to the distraught girl gently. "You're my sister, I'm protecting you. It's what I do," Katniss reminds her.

"And Cato? What about him?" Prim asks accusingly. Katniss hold her sister's face in her hands and looks at her big blue eyes, tiny nose, and mouth set in a flat line.

"He'll understand little duck, he knows me," she says calmly.

"But he's suppose to marry you!" Prim cries out in distress and Katniss shuts her eyes tightly at the thought.

"I know," she says firmly as she opens her eyes.

"He was supposed to volunteer this year!" Prim cries as she remembers.

"He probably already did Prim," Katniss says gently and her sister becomes frantic.

"But you can't go into the Games against him-" Katniss cuts her off.

"And you can't go into the Games at all," she says flatly.

"What am I supposed to do without you?' Prim asks tearfully. Katniss gently wipes the tears off her sister's cheeks.

"Gale will take care of you," she reminds her lightly, she then turns her face towards their mother. "And Mother won't leave this time- will you?" She asks rather sharply. Their mother shakes her head.

"No, I won't," she says quietly.

"Good," Katniss says firmly. Prim suddenly grasps her sister's hands tightly.

"Katniss, promise me you'll come back. Promise me that you'll at least try to come back to me, and Mother, and Gale and Madge," the small blonde begs desperately as Katniss looks at her with resignation in her eyes.

"I can't make that promise Prim, you know I can't," Katniss says, rebuking the girl lightly.

"Do it anyway, at least that way I can pretend you will," Prim begs frantically.

"You want to make a promise I'll break?" Katniss asks confused.

"A broken promise is better than no promise at all," the small girl claims earnestly.

"Okay. I promise I'll try, for you little duck," Katniss says gravely.

"Good," the little blonde says sadly. "I love you Katniss," she adds sincerely.

"I love you Primrose," Katniss returns calmly.

"Katniss-" their mother starts urgently and the beautiful girl turns her head towards her mother. "I know- I know I'm not-" she says helplessly. "I know I haven't been the best Mother," she continues with difficulty. "And I understand what-who" she corrects quickly. "You're giving up to keep your sister safe-" Katniss cuts her off here, understanding what she can't say.

"I know Mother, I love you too," she says as she reaches out to grasp her mother's hand and her mother smiles gratefully at her understanding.

"Good luck," their mother whispers to her eldest daughter. Katniss nods and turns to her sister again.

"Goodbye," Katniss says to her little sister who scowls at her.

"I hate that word," she declares passionately.

"Say it anyway," Katniss implores hoarsely.

"Goodbye." Prim slides off her sister's lap and stands as their mother rises and bestows a kiss on Katniss' forehead.

"Goodbye, my brave girl," she whispers in distress.

"Goodbye Mother," Katniss whispers back numbly. They leave hand in hand and Katniss refuses to cry for them. She wants to keep her sister safe, and there is a price to pay for everything.

The two Peacekeepers lead Madge in next. Madge takes a seat next to her as they leave. Her nimble fingers pluck the mockingjay pin from her dress and move to pin it to her Katniss' dress.

"You're allowed a token in the Games, right?" Madge questions shakily. "Please wear it, for me," she continues thickly as she fiddles with the pin, trying to straighten it. Katniss puts her hand on top of Madge's to still them. She slides them down to her lap and grasps both of them between her own hands.

"Madge," Katniss says quietly. Madge blinks back tears as she stares at their hands.

"Yes Katniss?" She asks unevenly.

"I'll miss you too," Katniss whispers numbly. Madge slowly looks up at her dark-haired friend.

"You're not coming back, are you?" Madge asks precariously and Katniss laughs hollowly.

"No." She shakes her head. "No, I'm not," she admits as she looks down at their hands, Madge nods her head in understanding.

"I wish-" Madge begins, but stops to swallow as Katniss looks at her tiredly. "I wanted you both- you and Cato- to have your happily ever after," she says sadly. "And I'm so sorry you won't get it." Katniss smiles terribly at her sweet friend.

"I know you did Madge, I wanted it too," Katniss says bitterly, as she squeezes Madge's hands between her own. "But this is real life, and we were just fooling ourselves to think it could end happily," the dark-haired girl finishes woefully.

"I know- but you- you both deserve it," Madge chokes out.

"Thank you Madge," Katniss says tenderly.

"Katniss," Her blonde friend says softly.

"Yes Madge?" Katniss questions.

"You know you're my best friend, right?" Madge asks with soft eyes.

"You're mine too," Katniss admits softly. "Besides Gale, of course," she adds with a smile and Madge smiles back with a nod.

"Of course," Madge says seriously. "In another world, we could have been friends forever," the beautiful blonde says bitterly.

"We already are," Katniss corrects her gently as she wraps her arms around her. "Forever doesn't end just because someone dies," Katniss says wisely. Madge nods her head tearfully as she returns the embrace.

"Good," she says solemnly. "And Katniss," she continues seriously. Katniss pulls out of the embrace to look at her.

"Yes Madge?" she asks inquisitively, and the blonde girl gives her a heartbreakingly beautiful smile.

"I love you, my forever," Madge declares lightly and Katniss smiles tearfully in response.

"I love you, my friend," Katniss says softly as she once again wraps her arms around her friend. "Goodbye, my forever," Katniss whispers in the blonde's ear.

"Goodbye, my friend," the golden-haired girl whispers back. They let go and Madge kisses both of Katniss' cheeks as she stands slipping of out the door silently and Katniss doesn't cry for her, because it's not her place anymore.

Gale comes in last. He takes a seat next to her and takes her little hands in his larger ones. Katniss smiles wearily at her friend.

"You're not going to-" he asks and breaks off numbly.

"You know I am," she says gently. He nods his head in resignation.

"I'd try to talk you out of it, but I know how you feel about him," he says resignedly.

"It wouldn't work anyway," Katniss claims lightly.

"I know Catnip," her dark-haired friend says softly.

"Take care of them Gale, all of them, even Madge," Katniss requests softly.

"I will, even Madge," he swears solemnly as he drinks in her lovely features. They are silent for a moment.

"I'd ask you to promise to try your best to come back to us," he starts lightly. "But I don't want you to lie to me," he finishes honestly.

"Good, because I can't lie," Katniss says seriously and they both laugh weakly.

"I know," he says fondly.

"He won't make it easy," Gale says, bringing up the topic they are both thinking about. "Forget everyone else, he'll be your biggest competition in there," he continues seriously. "He'll want the opposite of what you want. He'll want to sacrifice himself to save your life," he reminds her tightly. She looks back at him gravely.

"I know, but I have to try, a world without him-" her voices catches in throat and she can't continue, but he knows what she's trying to say. A world without him, _would destroy her_. The Peacekeepers glare at them, indicating that their time is up.

"Goodbye Catnip," Gale says softly as he stands.

"Goodbye Gale," she returns with a resigned smile.

* * *

><p>They eat dinner on the train and retire to the sitting room to watch the other reapings. She watches as a beautiful blonde girl volunteers in District One, as does her handsome partner. Then District Two is up. A gorgeous brunette's name is called and she shakily begins to walk towards the stage when a smoky voice volunteers. It belongs to Clove. Cato's best friend, Clove. Katniss tries to hide her confusion. She's certain that it had been decided that Clove wouldn't volunteer at all, that if she wasn't called she wouldn't have to go in. S<em>o why did she volunteering?<em>

The male tribute is called next, it's a skinny dark-haired boy. Cato quickly volunteers and Katniss digs her nails into her arm. He looks handsome, all dressed up for the reaping. His face is blank, and he looks strong and terrifying. For a moment Katniss allows herself to imagine he is there with her, to imagine that he has gathered her in his arms the way he always does when she's sad. But then she steels herself and watches the rest of the reaping, the most haunting, a twelve-year-old from District Eleven. She watches as Prim is called and sees herself step forward to volunteer. Then Peeta is called and they shake hands.

Katniss excuses herself and goes into her room, crawling under the covers, fully dressed. She waits for the tears to come. They don't. She hears everyone else head off to bed and listens to the train rock back and forth. After about an hour there is a light knock on the door. She drags herself out from under the covers and answers the door. It's Haymitch. She steps aside and he walks into her room as she closes the door behind him. She turns to face him and he opens his arms. She throws herself into them and finally cries as the bitter old drunk murmurs words of comfort.

She can't cry alone, she has to cry in the arms of someone who_ knows_. Someone who knows her and knows Cato. Someone who wants her happily ever after as much as she does.

"I know sweetheart, I know it hurts," he whispers comfortingly.

"I want to see him, to say goodbye," Katniss manages to choke out between sobs.

"We'll find a way, sweetheart," he promises gravely. He holds her until she's all cried out, whispering his understanding into the air.

He never tells her that it's going to be okay, because the both know it won't be, never again.


	5. He's Losing it All

**He's Losing It All**

"_Welcome to obsession_

_It makes the world go round_

_We're made up by the people we surround_

_So!_

_We live and die for shit we don't need_

_Well maybe, it's the price of envy_

_Through these eyes I look out for me_

_But everyone fades in ways who don't see_

_Nothing's gonna change_

_Why!_

_We're going down in flames_

_So!_

_I'm not the one_

_Don't wait for me_

_Cause I won't just sit by_

_While you just bleed_

_Myself and others dry_

_Don't wait for me_

_To be there in the end_

_When you don't see_

_The truth you just pretend_

_Don't wait for me_

_What is the solution_

_We don't already know_

_There's no telling how far this could go_

_No!_

_You do your time punch in it's the same_

_Cause you're just_

_Part of this game…"_

_-Sum 41_

"_I'm Not the One"_

Brutus meets Cato the day he begins training, and Brutus knows instantly, that he has what it takes. He has what it takes to be a Victor. Cato's father died when Cato was very young, so Brutus becomes a father figure to the impressionable boy. And despite Brutus' harsh exterior, and closed-off heart, the kid worms his way in. So Brutus pushes him the hardest, to make sure that when it's his turn to go into the arena, he'll be ready. But when Cato's twelve, he goes on his first Victory tour, and while they're in District Twelve, he falls in love.

Katniss is a lively little thing, and before Brutus knows it, the little bird has not only Cato and himself wrapped around her little finger, but Haymitch Abernathy and various other boys in her District. Brutus knows it isn't a smart move for Cato, but he sees the look on the kid's face, and he caves. He takes it upon himself to foster the seemingly one-sided relationship. He watches as Cato goes to her District every year, and comes back torn in two every time. He loves her, but he doesn't know how tell the lovely little thing. But then when he's sixteen he comes back from District Twelve with a secret smile on his face, and Brutus knows his hard work has paid off.

Still, he worries about when Cato will have to go into the games. There is no question is mind that he will. The boy is the best career District Two had, and he will go in no matter the consequences. Brutus has faith in Cato's abilities, but he doesn't want him to go in. He doesn't want him to become the half-human Victor that they all are. Winning the games is glorious, but you pay for it with your soul, and Brutus doesn't want Cato to go through that, he doesn't want _Katniss_ to go through that.

But Brutus has no control over anything, he simply has to sit back and watch, and hope that nothing goes wrong.

* * *

><p>District Two is holding it's annual Career Tribute meeting. The Mentors are evaluating the Careers' abilities, and deciding who will volunteer. The choice for male tribute was easy; Cato was the natural choice. But choosing a female tribute was much harder. The abilities of the eighteen-year-old female Careers were almost evenly matched between four girls. Meredith, Lela, Clove, and Serafina are all talented individuals.<p>

Meredith is ruthless, and can take down a man three times her size in hand-to-hand combat. Lela is sneaky and conniving, she wields a sword as if it is an extension of her body. Clove is cruel, and her aim with a knife is unparalleled. Serafina is heartless. She thirsts for others' pain, and handles a spear like a goddess of old. The choice is not easy.

They quickly decide that since they have four such talented individuals they can be generous this year. So they decide that Clove will not be going in because of her close friendship with Cato; they can afford to let that friendship be. Meredith hasn't been feeling well lately, so she's out. Lela has a little brother that she looks after; there's no one else left to do it, and Cato is almost certainly going to be the winner. So they chose Serafina. She's all too eager to do it, and flaunts it in the other three's faces. Particularly Meredith's, the two girls hate one another passionately.

Cato accepts his fate silently, with no gloating. He has trained for a very long time for this moment, and he feels nothing for his part in the games. It is his duty as a Career Tribute, and it is his honor to win for his District. But his determination to win stems from his love of a certain beautiful huntress from District Twelve. He isn't going to win for his District, or his loving mother, his sarcastic best friend, or even his faithful Mentor. He is going to win for the owner of his heart, because she wants him to come back to her.

* * *

><p>The day of the Reaping dawns clear and beautiful in District Two. Cato's awake before the sun has risen, and is perched on the roof, watching the District come to life. He drinks it all in greedily, he won't see it again for a while, if at all. And if—no when—he comes back, it will certainly look different to him. Cato's not naïve, he knows that the games will change him. But he has no choice, he was chosen to volunteer, and he will do his duty without complaint.<p>

He watches as old man Wicker wanders down the street for his morning walk, and thinks of Katniss. He lets his mind conjure up an image of her as he last saw her. It had been at the train platform in District Twelve, only two weeks before. Brutus had managed to get him there for a weekend, to say goodbye. He remembers her stormy grey eyes that said all the things she would never say out loud. _Don't go,_ they said. He thinks of her soft skin and the way she smells of peppermint and the forest. He thinks of her dark hair, and how it feels to tangle his fingers in it when it is loose. He imagines her perfect pink lips, and how she tastes of honey and mint, and _everything_. But he mostly thinks of the way she feels in his arms, soft and warm, her heart beating surely against his chest. He knows he will imagine her often in the arena, to keep the demons away.

When the sun has raised fully Cato rises from his perch and agilely climbs down into his window. He makes his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

He lets his mind wander and silently thanks the Mentors for choosing Serafina to volunteer instead of Clove. At least he doesn't have to kill his best friend; the girl who is practically his sister. He finishes quickly and pulls on his reaping clothes. He lethargically marches down the stairs and heads to the kitchen.

His mother is sitting at the table, her music sheets spread out in front of her. Clove is lazily perched on the windowsill, sipping coffee. Clove smiles languidly at him and he returns it. He places a kiss on his mother's head as she frantically scratches out a part that has apparently come out wrong.

"Good morning Ma," he says quietly, taking a seat across from her and helps himself to breakfast.

"Morning honey," she mutters distractedly. His mother is a composer, although he and Clove are the only ones who have ever heard her music. It's brilliant though and Cato privately thinks his mother's a genius.

"Morning Superstar," Clove greets him cheerily. He rolls his eyes at her nickname and greets her affectionately.

"Morning Sunshine." Clove automatically frowns at him, and he laughs. He dubbed her 'Sunshine' when they were five and she refused to smile for anyone, it never fails to piss her off. She gifted him with 'Superstar' when they were twelve and he had been asked to go on the Victory tour.

"Children, quit needling each other," Cato's mother chides softly.

"Yes ma'am," they chime sweetly. When she turns back to her work Clove sticks her tongue out at him. Cato returns the gesture, childishly.

* * *

><p>When it's time to leave for the Reaping, Cato's mother begins to tremble. Before she buried her panic in her work, but she no longer has anywhere to hide. Cato grips his mother's hands between his own and looks at her with earnest eyes.<p>

"Ma, don't cry, you know I'll come back," he says soothingly. She nods hopelessly. He tries another approach. "You think Kat will let me die? She'll probably keep me alive simply by pure force of will," he jokes lightly and he is rewarded with a strangled laugh from his mother. But she relaxes enough for them to leave.

Cato and Clove take their separate places and watch as the escort prances around the stage and the mayor sits down. The Victors file onto stage and Brutus shoots a wink at him. He returns it with a smirk. The mayor makes his speech and the escort takes her place at the microphone when he's done. She puts her hand into the glass ball for the female tributes name.

The name she calls out is Meredith's. And Cato feels his heart sink into his stomach. Serafina won't volunteer for Meredith; she hates Meredith. And since Cato's basically guaranteed to win, Serafina will see Meredith's placement in the games as the perfect choice. Meredith shakily makes her way towards the stage, holding her dark head high; her face drawn and bloodless. But then a familiar smoky voice cuts through the silence.

"I volunteer."

Clove steps forward and Cato's heart plummets again. Of course she would. Meredith lets out a sigh of relief and when Clove passes her she mouths a 'thank you'. Clove cockily smirks and makes her to the stage, taking her place next to the escort. When the escort calls for applause, it's twice as loud as usual, they all knew Clove wasn't supposed to volunteer, and the fact that she did was honorable. But why did she?

The escort pulls the male tribute's name, and it's a skinny dark-haired boy Cato had sat next to in history the year before. Cato keeps his face blank, and steps forward, the people around him moving aside.

"I volunteer."

* * *

><p>Cato waits in the room designated for goodbyes and watches as Peacekeepers escort his mother in. She sits next to him and takes his hands into her small ones. "Don't let this change anything." She says sternly.<p>

"I know." Cato says, refusing to let himself feel the loss of his best friend, his sister in everything except blood. Not yet, anyway.

"Clove is practically my daughter, but you have to come home," his mother says guiltily.

"I know Ma. You know Clove won't have it any other way," Cato responds numbly. "Now go say goodbye to her," Cato demands gently. "She loves you, Ma," he adds. She nods her head and kisses his forehead as she rises.

"I love you, my warrior," she whispers softly.

"I love you, ma," he responds.

"Goodbye, my son," she croaks as she leaves.

"Goodbye, Ma," he calls after her retreating figure.

His school friends come in next and he jokes with them for an uncomfortable few minutes. They leave quickly and Cato doesn't expect anyone else to come. But then Lela is escorted in. She sits down next to him and he hides his shock. They've never really been friends; never spoke unless it was necessary.

"I know it's strange that I'm here, because we aren't friends." She trails off uneasily and he waits for her to continue. "I guess I just wanted to say, that uh, I hope you win," she blurts out quickly and looks at her lap as her cheeks go red. Cato looks at her blankly.

"Thank you," he responds slowly. Her eyes dart up to him.

"Good luck then, I'll be rooting for you," she says quickly as she leaps off of the couch and darts out the door. And all Cato can think is, _what the fuck was that about?_

* * *

><p>They're ushered into the train quickly and then their escort forces them into their rooms. Cato leaves quickly to find Clove's room. He knocks and she silently lets him. He flops onto her bed and she lies next to him without a word. They study the ceiling in silence for the next ten minutes. Finally Cato shatters the silence.<p>

"Why'd you do it?" he asks quietly. Her answer is swift and snarky.

"Because I am a vicious, bloodthirsty bitch who likes to brutally murder people just for fun." Cato rolls his eyes at her stereotypical Clove response.

"I'm serious Clove, you weren't suppose to volunteer, Serafina was. Why did you do it?" he asks solemnly. She looks at him in disbelief.

"Serafina hates Meredith, she would never volunteer for her. You know that Cato," she explains flatly.

"Yeah, but you didn't have to volunteer for Meredith, she's capable of survival, remember she almost kicked my ass last year," he reminds her pointedly. Clove scoffs loudly.

"Hardly, you'd just gotten back from visiting Katniss, you were all gooey about it and weren't paying attention," she claims dismissively. "Besides the key word there is 'almost'," she points out smartly. They are silent for the next few minutes.

"I did it, because she's pregnant," Clove says suddenly and Cato chokes on his saliva.

"She's pregnant?" Cato repeats questioningly. She nods in affirmation.

"Yeah, she told me yesterday, she was so scared. I couldn't let her go in like that," she explains quietly.

"Oh," Cato responds flatly. That explains her sickness.

"Yeah," Clove says in monotone. He has no response for this revelation, but it does reinforce the fact that Clove truly is the most honorable person he has ever met, and he doesn't want her to _fucking die_. They continue their silent examination of the ceiling for a while, and as the minutes stretch on, Cato realizes that he has to say it out loud, to tell her he really doesn't want her to go into the games.

"I wish you didn't have to go in," he admits softly. He hears her scoff and can imagine her rolling her eyes. Clove just isn't good with feelings.

"Better me than Meredith," she claims evenly and he hates that she's right.

"But eventually one of us has to die," he points out shakily. She laughs, quick and harsh, and he rolls his head to the side to look at. She's looking at him and for once her eyes are unguarded. They are so full of emotion that Cato can't tell where one begins and the next ends. There's sadness, and resignation, bitterness, hurt, anger, fear, envy, and oddly enough a playfulness that she usually reserves for training. There's determination too, and Cato remembers what he told his mother earlier. _She wouldn't have it any other way._

"Don't be silly, Superstar," she says lightly. "You're going to win," She finishes firmly. He looks at her blankly. He knew that she would probably do this, but hearing her confirm it is almost too much to bear.

"But if I win, you'll…." he trails off; too scared to say the word,_ die_. She smiles sadly and nods.

"It's alright, I'm ready," she admits softly, her voice shaking. He looks at her in disbelief. He knows what she's talking about, she's already lost it all, everything, at a very young age, but she can't be ready to die. "I don't have anyone left; just you and your mom," she says wearily. "But you, you have Katniss, you have your future," she points out gently. "You're whole, and unbroken, you have a chance to be happy, no matter what happens in the games, but I'll always be sad, and a just a little bit broken," she explains as her face slowly loses all of its emotion, and she becomes the Clove most people know, the new and terrible once again hidden. "I have to make sure you go home. For Katniss," she finishes flatly.

"You are the more selfless than anyone I have ever met," Cato says gently. She laughs at the idea.

"I'm really not," she says tiredly. "I just don't want to be alone anymore," she says with a shrug.

"You really are, Sunshine," he responds fondly. She frowns at the use of her nickname. "And you are never alone." They lay there in silence. Eventually their escort finds them and ushers them into the dining room to eat dinner with Brutus and Enobaria. Along the way she scolds Cato for not being in his own room. Clove stands just behind her and mimics her while Cato tries not to laugh.

They eat dinner and joke with Brutus while their escort sniffs at their terrible manners. When it's time to watch the Reapings they pile into the room, Brutus and Enobaria taking the arm chairs and their escort sits on the winged chair in the corner. Cato and Clove take the couch. They watch as a classically beautiful blonde volunteer in District One, and then her cocky partner. They watch their own Reapings. There is a sly girl from District Five who looks like she could disappear without a trace at will. A little girl is called in District Eleven, and Cato ignores the fact that she reminds him of Katniss' little sister Prim. Her partner is a huge boy who rivals even Cato's own height. District Twelve is shown at last.

Cato watches as their pink-haired escort puts her hand into the glass bowl full of girls' names. When she reads the name, his heart stops. _Not her_.

"Primrose Everdeen." Katniss' Prim. Her name has barely registered to him before a familiar voice rises above the murmur as its owner steps out of the crowd.

"I volunteer," Katniss says calmly, and Cato numbly notes Madge's face behind his lovely girl; out of focus but dead white. Then her words register and Cato leaps out of his seat and slams his fist into the nearest wall. Brutus jumps up and grabs his arm as it rears back to strike another blow. Their escort shrieks and Enobaria hisses out swear words. Clove's face is pale but she does nothing.

"Not her," Cato whispers harshly. Brutus pulls him away from the wall and forces him into the hallway. Clove follows silently. Brutus goes back into the room to calm the escort and Enobaria down, and Clove trails after Cato as he stalks down the hall to his room.

* * *

><p>Cato's sitting at the window in his room, Clove curled up on the bed, the sun is rising and neither of them have spoken a word since the discovery of Katniss' reaping. Cato stares blankly out the window, waiting. He doesn't know if Clove has fallen asleep, but he knows he probably will never be able to sleep again. A soft knock interrupts his daze but Cato makes no move to open it. Brutus slowly opens the door and looks at him with equally bloodshot eyes.<p>

"We'll be there soon," he remarks calmly. Cato looks at him blankly and finally speaks, his voice rough from lack of use.

"She can't die," he states flatly. Brutus nods in agreement.

"I know," he responds calmly. "I'm going to help you," he tells the boy who is practically his son.

"Me too," Clove's smoky voice calls from the bed. So she hasn't been sleeping at all. Cato turns to look at her, and sees her eyes are full of determination.

"Good," Cato says pointblank. Katniss is everything to him; he can't imagine life without her—he won't imagine it. And for the first time he understands the disgust in her voice when she said the word 'career' that first day they met.

What right do they have to volunteer for sport when people like her volunteer to save a life? Cato didn't volunteered so the boy who was chosen could live, he volunteered because it was his duty. Clove, at least has honorable intentions; she's sacrificing herself for a girl who's pregnant.

Katniss was the motivation he had to win, but now that she is his opponent he knows that she has to live, even if it meant that he has to die. Even if it means that Clove has to die.

"I already knew I was going to die in the games, I just didn't think it would be to break a girl's hear," Clove says idly. Brutus snorts from his place at the door and Cato looks at her sharply.

"What do you mean?" Cato asks in confusion, and Clove rolls her eyes at his stupidity.

"Cato, we may be saving her life, but she _fucking_ loves you. You don't think your dying will be easy for her, do you?" Clove points out harshly. "I am all for saving her, she's the best of all of us. She has a fire and determination in her that I admire," she continues with passion. "And not to mention how many people depend on her," she adds thoughtfully. "But she depends on _you_," she says fiercely. "And when you die; she will never be the same again," she finishes as she smiles at him sadly. Cato doesn't respond. He knows all of it is true, but he knows there is no other way.

Katniss has to live. She has to live for her sister, for her mother, for Gale, and for Madge. Cato has only to live for his mother, Clove and Katniss. But with Kat and Clove both in the games with him, it's an easy decision. Katniss is essential to the world; it needs her fire. Cato is just a piece in the games that never end.


	6. They're Too Young to be Broken

**They're Too Young to be Broken**

"_Oh, why you look so sad?_

_Tears are in your eyes_

_Come on and come to me now_

_Don't be ashamed to cry_

_Let me see you through_

_'Cause I've seen the dark side too_

_When the night falls on you_

_You don't know what to do_

_Nothing you confess, could make me love you less_

_I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_So, if you're mad, get mad_

_Don't hold it all inside_

_Come on and talk to me now_

_Hey, what you got to hide?_

_I get angry too_

_Well I'm a lot like you_

_When you're standing at the crossroads_

_And don't know which path to choose_

_Let me come along_

_'Cause even if you're wrong_

_I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you…"_

_-The Pretenders_

"_I'll Stand By You"_

Haymitch Abernathy had learned about consequences the hard way. When he was only sixteen he went into the Hunger Games. He had always been the rebellious type, and somehow he got idea in his head that if he found the end of the arena, it would all be okay. Along the way he somehow ended up with an ally in pretty, sweet Maysilee. And against all odds, she wormed her way into his heart. But then they made it to the edge, and she left. And then, she died. Right there in his arms.

Despite everything he won. But he paid his price. When he got back to District 12, there wasn't anyone left. And Haymitch Abernathy didn't have a home anymore. He had a too big, too empty, house and too much time. At first he tried to help them, the tributes, he really did. But they kept dying, and he got angrier every time. Eventually he turned to the oblivion of alcohol. And it worked for a very long time.

Until Brutus brought that little blonde kid with him on a Victory tour. The kid didn't strike him as very important until Brutus couldn't find him and was furious when the kid finally came back from wandering around District 12. And when Brutus demanded to know where he had been, the kid grinned a stupid grin and said, _"I met the girl I'm going to marry someday."_

And Haymitch knew he was fucked. The kid told him her name was Katniss and begged him to look after her while he was gone. And he reluctantly agreed, figuring the kid would eventually forget about the girl. He never did. Somehow Haymitch was dragged into their ill-fated courtship, and oddly enough found himself attached to both of them.

Katniss was fiery and dogged. She had grit and determination. He liked to imagine that if he had a daughter, she would be something like Katniss. Cato was charming and sarcastic. Both them were talented, fascinating individuals, but Haymitch thought the best part of each of them was their love for one another. Katniss was a little less closed off, a little softer with Cato. And Cato was less arrogant, and more sincere around Katniss. They brought out the best in each other. And Haymitch truly wished them all the best in life.

But then Haymitch should have known better. After all, he had learned that life was not fair, not for anyone. So really, he should have expected Prim's name to be called. After all, what was a harder choice than that? Katniss' future happiness, or her beloved little sister? And as usual Katniss made the hard decision. She was given two impossible decisions, ones that involved unhappiness and death no matter what, and she chose to die. And for that, Haymitch would do whatever it took to save her.

* * *

><p>Katniss had finally ceased her heartbroken sobbing and was sprawled on her bed, Haymitch seated in the chair next to her bed. They both stare out the window as the scenery rushed by, each lost in their own thoughts.<p>

"Haymitch?" Katniss whispers, finally breaking the silence. Haymitch turned towards her and looked at her tear-streaked face.

"Yes sweetheart?" the man asks gruffly. The girl slowly moves backward, propping herself up on the pillows. Her face was thoughtful, and the man studies the features of the girl who might as well be his daughter.

"Tell me a story," she requests softly. The man raises an eyebrow. The girl huffs and drags a pillow to her chest, resting her chin on it. "Tell me our story. Cato's and mine. Tell me our story if things went differently, if we lived in another world. Please," she elaborates softly. His eyes widen in comprehension.

"Alright," he agrees slowly. He leans forward in the chair and contemplates how to start. "In another world, you met Cato the same way, because he's still a Career. He told you he loved the you the same way too, because that's just so typical Cato," he begins with an affectionate grin. Katniss smiles softly.

"Right, it was perfect," she whispered. Haymitch smiles at her dreamy expression.

"When he's eighteen, he has to volunteer, but Clove doesn't, and Prim isn't called, so you don't go in either," he continues. Katniss listened attentively, as if every detail was important. "You're scared for him, and watching the game is dreadful for you that year. Madge holds your hand every time you have to watch," he explains gravely and she drank it in as if it were a real story.

"But eventually he wins," Haymitch says, getting into the story, allowing himself to imagine it was true. "And he comes back to you, just like he promised he would." Katniss smiles at this. "He's different than he was before, haunted by what he had seen and done in the arena," he continues gravely and Katniss' eyes are sad. "But he's still yours," he says firmly and her lips turn up at the corners. "And it doesn't take him very long to ask you to marry him." Her small smile turns into a full-blown grin.

"I'd say yes of course," she murmurs and he nods in agreement.

"It's decided that his mother, Clove, and him will move to District 12, because it was the place you two first met, and fell in love," he continues, seeing the story play out before him as clear as day. Katniss stares out the window dreamily, wrapped up in the fairytale he has created.

"The day you get married would be a perfect summer day. Prim would be the maid of honor, of course, and Madge your only bridesmaid. Gale would be Cato's only groomsman after much convincing from you. Clove would stubbornly defy all odds and be Cato's best man," Haymitch says with a chuckle. Katniss laughs and nods her head.

"Of course she would," Katniss murmurs fondly, and Haymitch smiles.

"Prim and Clove would work together to write embarrassing speeches about the two of you. And you'd blush but neither of you would be able to stop laughing," Haymitch says warmly. He continues on gravely. "The Capitol would have a crew present to film it. Because Cato's marriage to you would be so unusual. Two people from different Districts, and one of you a Victor. It's a pretty story," Haymitch admits.

"Like a fairytale," Katniss says dreamily.

"Exactly like a fairytale," Haymitch says softly. The double meaning hurts, fairytales are impossibilities, wishes and dreams. Katniss nods and clutched her pillow to her chest, her eyes eager and expectant. "On with the story," he proclaims, shaking off his dark thoughts. "Neither of you would care that the Capitol was filming you though, because you'd be happy as long as you had each other." Haymitch smiles at this part. Katniss nods in agreement.

"That sounds like us," she says with a soft smile.

"You would wear a dress picked out by his mother, Prim, and Madge. Prim would sneakily weave dandelions into your braid, in honor of the first time he said 'I love you', and you'd laugh at the memory," Haymitch says hoarsely, thinking of how radiant she would've been.

"I still can't believe he didn't tell me it was in my hair," Katniss grumbles out of habit. It's what she always says when anyone brings up that particular memory. Haymitch smiles at her antics.

"You'd be the most beautiful bride, and Cato, the happiest man alive. I'd walk you down the aisle. Sober for once, just for you, on your special day," Haymitch says tenderly and Katniss' bottom lip trembles, barely holding her tears at bay. "You're mother would cry, and so would Cato's," he continued, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the tears prickling at his eyes.

"They'd be a mess," Katniss says lovingly and Haymitch nods.

"Neither of you would be nervous, because it's all you ever wanted, and more," Haymitch explains solemnly. Katniss smiles. "When it comes time for the two of you to kiss, it lasts too long, and Clove would separate you bravely," Haymitch proclaims fondly.

"She would," Katniss claims with a watery smile.

"Yes she would, at the party afterwards, you'd dance together. But you'd also dance with Gale, Prim, and Madge and Clove of course," Haymitch says, and Katniss props her chin on the pillow in her arms. "It would be a merry party, and eventually Brutus would call for his little bird to sing, and you'd sing a song with the glory of a thousand mockingjays. No one would be able to take their eyes off of you, least of all Cato," Haymitch explains, imagining her in her wedding finery, her eyes alight with happiness as a flawless melody rolled of her honeyed-tongue.

"I can just see it now," Katniss says dreamily. Haymitch clears his throat and looks at his hands, knowing he has to wrap the story up before he does something unlike himself, like_ cry_.

"Eventually you'd have two children, a boy and a girl," he continued softly. "The girl would be a carbon copy of you, except with her father's eyes and sense of humor," he says with a smirk. Katniss snorts and nods her head.

"Naturally," she murmurs distractedly.

"The boy would look just like Cato, but with your eyes and singing voice," Haymitch says as he trails off wistfully.

"They sound beautiful," Katniss says longingly.

"They are," Haymitch says, because somewhere, in another world, the two little children he had described exist, and they're happy. Katniss watches him expectantly.

"Gale would be their godfather, and Madge would be the girl's godmother, Clove, the boy's. They'd have their beloved grandmothers, and crotchety uncle Haymitch and surly uncle Brutus. Prim would be their worshipped aunt," Haymitch continues, nearing the end of the story. Katniss closes her eyes and smiles.

"Finish it please," she begs as she opens her eyes.

"Alright, alright sweetheart. The two of you would grow old together with your beautiful family, and you'd be bury next to each other when you finally die of old age," he finishes. Katniss hums happily and closes her eyes again, savoring the story.

"Thank you Haymitch," she says as she reopens her eyes to look at him.

"You're welcome sweetheart. Now can I ask you a question?" he asks, his eyes curious.

"Sure, what?" she agrees inquisitively.

"Why did you have me tell you that story, if you know it can't come true?" he asks, trying to understand her masochistic actions.

"Because when the time comes," she says slowly. "The time for me to-to die," she elaborates, tripping over the last words. "When that time comes, I'll be able to think of what you told me, and find the strength to go," she admits and his heart sinks.

"Oh." Here she was preparing herself to die, and he's already made up his mind to save her. He knows she will never forgive him for it. But she's only thinking of herself, and how she'll feel. Sure, he would be sad if Cato died, and so would his mother and Brutus, and Prim and Katniss' mother. But when the alternative is Katniss dying? He knows it's not an option. If Katniss dies, so many more people will suffer, himself included.

Besides, Katniss Everdeen is needed in their dark world. She has a fire in her that is strong enough to ignite their whole world. It's strong enough to burn the capitol to the ground. She needs to live, so that she can drag them all along, head first, into a brave new world. Haymitch knows this, and has accepted the fact that she will never forgive him when she won. He's going to save her, not for himself, but for the world. And he knows Cato will understand. He will protect her, and in turn, her heart will be ripped from her chest.

"Get some sleep sweetheart," he mutters as he stands to leave just as the sun begins to rise. He studies her pale face. The previously vulnerable girl is slowly disappearing, and a cold aloof mask is taking her place. She is closing her heart off to the world, preparing for the games before the countdown has even begun.

"I'll try," she says blankly, and Haymitch knows she won't be the girl he knows from then on.

"Good night," he says as he leaves.

"Good morning," she calls after him and he grins. She isn't all gone. His smile fades. She isn't all gone, _ye_t.


	7. She Deserves the World

**She Deserves the World**

"_Oh why can't I be what you need?_

_A new improved version of me_

_But I'm nothing so good_

_No, I'm nothing_

_Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs_

_Of violence of love and of sorrow_

_I beg for just one more tomorrow_

_Where you hold me down, fold me in_

_Deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins_

_I break in two over you, oh_

_I break in two_

_And each piece of me dies_

_And only you can give the breath of life_

_But you don't see me, you don't_

_Here I'm pinned between darkness and light_

_Bleached and blinded by these nights_

_Where I'm tossing and tortured 'til dawn_

_By you, visions of you then you're gone._

_The shock bleeds the red from my face_

_When I hear someone's taken my place._

_How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?_

_When all, all that I did was for you_

_I break in two over you, oh_

_I break in two_

_And each piece of me dies_

_And only you can give the breath of life_

_But you don't see me, you don't….."_

_-Autumn to Ashes_

"_Autumn's Monolgue"_

Peeta Mellark had always been very good at staying out of trouble. He was the good son; he didn't cause mischief or make his mother crazy. He was a generally kind and easygoing person, and he liked it that way. He didn't get into trouble, and people liked him, he was a good person. But there was of course an exception to everything. And Katniss Everdeen was Peeta's exception.

He didn't really know her. He had known of her since he was five and his father pointed her out on the first day of school. He had listened in awe as she sang the Valley song, her voice childish and sweet. And he had known then that he would always love her, even if she never loved him back.

Despite his talent of staying out of trouble, he couldn't help himself when it came to her. So when he was eleven-years-old and saw her sitting half dead outside of his family's bakery in the pouring rain, he knew he had to help her. So he burnt the bread, and got smacked across the face for his carelessness. He had never been in trouble before, but it had been worth seeing her look less hungry at school the next day. He had never worked up the courage to talk to her though, so he had simply watched from afar, as she became the brave girl the whole district silently admired. It was true, he didn't know much about her, but what he did know was beautiful.

What he did know about her only made him fall more in love with her. He had seen her tenderness towards her little sister Primrose, and had watched her silently take care of her family, from the age of twelve. He had admired her dear friendship with Madge Undersee, the mayor's daughter. Not many people were willing to talk to pretty blonde, not even merchants, but Katniss was always with her, and the blonde girl was one of the few she bestowed her rare, but exquisite smiles. He'd been jealous of her close friendship with Gale Hawthorne, never sure if they were just friends, or more.

But the most vexing thing about her was the tall, good-looking boy who came to visit her sporadically throughout the years since she was ten. He didn't know anything about the boy other than he was a Career from District 2 named Cato, he stayed with drunken Haymitch Abernathy when he came to visit, and that he could make Katniss smile.

Not a small amused fake smile, or the sweet, friendly ones that Madge, or Gale, or even Prim could get out of her. They were the full-blown ones; ones that lit up her face like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. Peeta was a nice guy, but he really didn't like Katniss Everdeen's friend from District 2.

Since she was his exception to every rule, he really shouldn't have been shocked when he was called to go into the games right after she volunteered. Because really, going into a game where you fought to the death against twenty-three other teenager was hard enough as it is, but going in against the girl he had loved since he was five-years-old? Fucking impossible. But really he should have known; he might be a nice guy, but he does not have the best luck in life.

* * *

><p>His family comes to say goodbye, his mother stoic as usual, and his father has tears in his eyes. His brothers make half-hearted jokes, and he quietly tells them goodbye. They leave and his school friends come in. They awkwardly say goodbye and he feels relieved when they leave. By the time the last person came to say goodbye to him, he's fighting back tears. It's Delly Cartwright. They were childhood best friends, and she's probably the nicest girl he's ever met. She takes a seat next him and smiles. He returns it weakly.<p>

"Hello Peeta," she says softly. He holds back tears as he returns her greeting.

"Hey Delly," he chokes out. He knows boys aren't suppose to cry, but he's going to fucking die, so he thinks all those dumbass gender rules can go to hell.

"I brought you something, a token," Delly tells him and he wonders what it could possibly be. "Hold out your hand," she instructs quietly. He does so as she pulls a colorful bracelet out of her pocket and attaches it to his outstretched wrist. It's sky blue, forest green, and sunset orange colored threads all intertwined into a friendship bracelet. He vaguely recognizes it and looks at Delly with a question in his eyes. She smiles.

"It's the one I made you when we were ten, but your mother said you couldn't wear it, because it was too 'girly'," she explains with a smile. So it is the one he thought it was. "I thought you might want to have it back now, since you're going into the games," she finishes weakly with a watery smile.

"Thank you Delly, it's exactly what I need," he says honestly. He reaches out to squeeze her plump hands and smiles at her; she returns it fondly.

"You're welcome Peeta," she says as she looks down at her lap. She raises her head with a determined look on her face. "I just want you to know, you're a great friend, and if you're going to do what I think you are, you're a better person than most of us," she says firmly and he can't help but smile at her, of course she would know what he was thinking about doing.

"I'd say I don't know what you're talking about, but you always knew me too well," he says with a sardonic laugh. "I don't want to die, but," he admits and pauses as he tries to explain why Katniss deserves to live more than he does. "People_ need_ her," he finally says, flatly. Delly opens her mouth to protest, but he cuts her off. "I'm not saying people don't love me or whatever, but no one needs me like her family and friends need her," he explains and Delly doesn't respond, because they both know it's true.

"If she dies, who would take care of her family? Who'd be Gale Hawthorne's hunting partner? Who would make Haymitch Abernathy smile? And who would be Madge's friend?" he asks as he thinks about all the things she has done so bravely, for so long. "You know no one else can do any of those things, not like she can. No one else wants to either," he adds quietly. Delly's bottom lip trembles.

"You're important too Peeta," she tells him solemnly. He smiles at her sincerity.

"Not like her," he responds and she doesn't disagree. The Peacekeeper knocks on the door, indicating that their time is almost up.

"Goodbye Delly," Peeta says quickly as he wipes his face on his sleeve. She stands up.

"Goodbye Peeta," she says as she turns to leave. He smiles at his old friend, she really is the nicest girl he's ever met.

* * *

><p>It's almost silent while they eat dinner on the train. Their escort, Effie, babbles on about manners and although Katniss seems to be in another world, she comes back long enough to defiantly put down her fork and messily eat with her hands. Peeta suppresses a grin at her blatant challenge.<p>

When dinner's over they make their way to another compartment to watch the Reapings. In District 1 the volunteers are good-looking and intimidating. When District 2's begins Peeta suddenly remembers Katniss' friend who is from there, and wonders if he's going to volunteer. He glances over at Katniss, and notes the blank look on her beautiful face, her body rigid with tension. It says everything he needs to know. He watches as a pretty dark-haired girl is called, and she's so pale as she walks toward the stage, Peeta worries that she's going to pass out. But then an auburn-haired girl with a smoky voice volunteers and cockily makes her way onto the stage.

When the male tribute is called Peeta sees Katniss' knuckles go white from the corner of his eye. The boy whose name is called has dark hair and is as skinny as a twig, he trembles as he makes his way to the stage. Then Katniss' good-looking blonde friend is volunteering. She doesn't make a sound, her eyes are blank, and suddenly it occurs to Peeta that there might be something more to their friendship, that she might actually _love_ the blonde Career Tribute from District 2. And maybe he loves her too.

Peeta feels a stab of jealousy before he understands what Cato's volunteering meant. He quickly looks over at Katniss and sees her bottom lip tremble for a moment before her mask is back in place. And in that moment he understands exactly what it meant when she said the words 'I volunteer.'

She volunteered knowing that Cato was going to as well, and she did so, intending to die for him. She wanted to protect her sister, and save his life. And even as he dimly admires her sacrifice through his growing horror, a new emotion comes rushing forward. Anger.

Why does she think she has to play the martyr? What can anyone possibly gain if she dies? For a moment Peeta is so furious with the girl he secretly loves that he has to clench his hand into a tight fist to restrain himself from leaping up and shaking her. He has never known anger quite like this, and he doesn't like it all. He takes calming breaths and hopes Haymitch and Effie won't notice. He doesn't have to worry about Katniss, she's miles away from all of them, trapped inside her own mind.

He reigns in his anger and silently watches the rest of the Reapings. A sly redhead is called in District 5, and a crippled boy from District 10. The girl from District 5 makes him feel uneasy, and the boy from District 10 makes him feel sick to his stomach. No one volunteers for him. Then a little girl is called in District 11. She's small and birdlike with dark-brown eyes and skin. She makes him think of Katniss' Prim. No one volunteers for her.

When they show their Reaping, Peeta is struck by the raw emotion in Katniss voice when she says, "I volunteer." She sounds like a girl accepting a death sentence. And in a way she was, except he's already made up his mind, she's going to _win_.

When the people of District 12 raise their left hands to their lips and then to Katniss, Peeta knows he is making the right choice. He watches himself climb onto the stage and shake Katniss' hand.

As soon as it's done Katniss stands up and announces that she is tired and marches towards her room. It doesn't take very long for Effie to follow, and then Peeta decides to do the same. A strangely sober Haymitch follows him out. He has trouble falling asleep but forces himself to, hoping that he might wake up before Katniss and have a moment to ask Haymitch for help.

* * *

><p>When he wakes up the sun is just coming up. He hops out of bed and navigates the ridiculous shower before he throws on his clothes quickly and makes his way to the dining compartment. When he arrives no one is there. He's slightly disappointed but a silent capitol attendant serves him a hearty breakfast and he tucks in eagerly. Effie is the first one in and she greets him chirpily.<p>

"Good morning Peeta. It's so nice to see a tribute that's actually awake before noon," she exclaims perkily and Peeta wonders if she has already had coffee, or if she even needs it all.

"Good morning Effie," he responds slowly. She chatters on for an hour before Haymitch finally comes in. His eyes are bloodshot and for a moment Peeta is certain he's drunk. But then the older man raises his hands to scrub across his face and loudly asks the attendant for coffee. Clearly Haymitch hasn't gotten much sleep.

"Where's Katniss?" Effie trills impatiently. Haymitch rolls his eyes at her and sips his coffee before answering.

"She's not feeling very well. She won't be up until later. Don't bother her," he says flatly. Peeta's not surprised that Haymitch knows why she isn't awake. Katniss and the drunken victor were close; the gruff man clearly adores her and thinks of her as a daughter. Effie huffs about manners for a moment before excusing herself to talk to the train conductor.

"I have to make sure we're on time!" she exclaims enthusiastically as she darts out the door. Haymitch adds some of the white liquor to his coffee and takes a huge swig. Peeta dunks bits of bread into his hot chocolate and eats them, waiting until Haymitch seemed a bit more awake. Several minutes pass before Peeta works up the courage to speak.

"Haymitch?" he asks quietly, his resolve firm. The older man looks at him and raises an eyebrow.

"Yes Peeta?" he questions curiously. Peeta relaxes a little at the man's lack of hostility.

"Save her," he says simply, knowing no explanation is needed. Haymitch's eyes widen slightly and he leans forward, placing his coffee on the table.

"I admit, that is what I plan to do," he begins slowly. "But I have to ask, why do _you_ want me too?" Haymitch asks. Peeta takes a deep breath and tries to think of an excuse that won't reveal his feelings for the unattainable huntress. His mind quickly flashes to pretty, birdlike Prim.

"Because she deserves to go home to her little sister," he responds firmly. The older man studies him for a tense moment.

"You're in love with her," he states after awhile. Peeta looks at him startled.

"How did you know?" he asks in confusion, too surprised to deny it. The man leans back in his chair holding his cup of coffee to his lips lazily.

"I've seen that look before kid," he states matter-of-factly. "Plenty of boys are a little in love with Katniss Everdeen," he finishes with a fond smile. Peeta snorts, plenty was an understatement. He had heard boys whisper of her beauty and cold aloofness since he was thirteen-years-old. They traced her soft curves with their eyes and hungrily watched her every graceful movement. But she never even knew they existed. Peeta had silently listened to his friends bemoan her obliviousness often. He had only ever told Delly about his feelings for the beautiful girl.

"I've noticed," he mutters darkly. Haymitch smiles at him.

"Are you really sure you want to die for her?" he asks, suddenly serious. Peeta snaps his head up and locks eyes with the older man.

"Does it matter? You were going to save her anyway," he says instead of answering. The older man lets out a harsh bark of laughter.

"True, I guess it doesn't," Haymitch admits as he takes a large swig of his spiked coffee. "You're a good kid, Mellark," he declares firmly and Peeta almost smiles.

"I guess. So how are we going to help her win?" he asks impatiently. Haymitch raises an eyebrow at him.

"We aren't starting yet," he says flatly. When Peeta's face shows his obvious confusion Haymitch rolls his eyes and elaborates. "We aren't the only ones who want her to win," he explains slowly and Peeta understands his meaning.

"Oh, the boy from District 2, Cato, they're friends aren't they," he says in understanding. Haymitch looks at him in disbelief, clearly thinking him naïve.

"Friends? I guess you could call them that," he says in amusement. Peeta tries to ignore the fact that Haymitch's words are basically a confirmation of his earlier suspicion. She probably loves him, the handsome Career from District 2. But she will never have him again, not now that they are opponents in the games. Peeta can't help feeling bad for both of them, despite his jealousy.

"So will we be working with him?" Peeta asks curiously, wondering if he was going to spend an extended period of time in the older boy's presence.

"No," Haymitch says flatly. "I will be working with his mentor. You and him will do what we say," he explains firmly. Peeta wants to protest but bites his tongue because he knows the older man is right.

"That sounds reasonable," he says instead. The older man smiles at him and stands up to leave.

"One more thing kid," Haymitch says from the doorway.

"What?" Peeta asks.

"Don't let Katniss find out," he says seriously. Peeta nods back solemnly.

"I won't," he says firmly.

"Good," the older man responds shortly and then he leaves.

Peeta allows himself a moment to think back on all that has happened. He watched as the girl he loves sacrificed herself for her sister. He'd been sentenced to death. Realized the girl he loves is in love with someone else, and then realized that whatever the hell he is feeling is irrelevant. Because he is going to die, and she, Katniss Everdeen, is going to live. Because people _need_ her.


	8. It Won't Be Easy

**It Won't Be Easy**

"_Shut the door_

_Turn the light off_

_I wanna be with you_

_I wanna feel your love_

_I wanna lay beside you_

_I cannot hide this_

_Even though I try_

_Heart beats harder_

_Time escapes me_

_Trembling hands_

_Touch skin_

_It makes this hard girl_

_And the tears stream down my face_

_If we could only have this life_

_For one more day_

_If we could only turn back time_

_You know I'll be_

_Your life_

_Your voice_

_Your reason to be_

_My love_

_My heart_

_Is breathing for this_

_Moment_

_In time_

_I'll find the words to say_

_Before you leave me today….."_

_-One Direction_

"_Moments"_

It's still quite early in the morning when they arrive at the Capitol. They are the second tributes to arrive, preceded only by District 1. But despite the early hour Capitol citizens line the streets to catch a glimpse of them. Although Cato wants nothing more than to scream at them until his voice is gone, he smiles wickedly and waves at them as Clove sits beside him, doing the same. It's what they were trained for after all.

When the train finally stops they silently make their way off, their escort chattering on. The crowd screams their names, and they only grant them brief aloof smiles before they disappear inside. Cato and Clove silently part ways to follow Brutus and Enobaria respectively.

Cato finds himself surrounded by his prep team, each resembling a colorful bird. They coo incessantly over his broad shoulders and messy blonde hair. He silently glares at them in response. They quickly shut up when they realize that he is not charmed by their compliments. They do their work quickly after that and he is relieved when they leave.

His stylist comes in and flutters almost exactly like his prep team, her artificial eyes hungrily taking in every taut muscle. He doesn't flinch at her obvious desire. He's used to it at this point, girls had always found him desirable. But it really doesn't matter. He had the only girl he had ever wanted, and now he was going to lose her. What does it matter if some aging Capitol stylist desires him? He would never return the feeling, and she can't do a thing about it. He glares at her until she gets the point and shuts up.

He finds himself dressed in an ancient warrior costume, standing next to a stony-faced Clove as they wait for the tribute parade to begin. He can see the blonde from District 1 looking over at him in obvious interest. He ignores her and searches for District 12. He can see their horses, massive black creatures. But he only sees the blonde head of the male tribute. With a frown he realizes he didn't know who it is. He turns to Clove.

"Who's the District 12 male tribute?" he asks casually. She turns to look at him and scrunches her face in contemplation.

"I think his name is Peeta somethingthatstartswithanM," she responds with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Thanks," he says. Peeta, it sounds vaguely familiar, but he can't put a face to the name. He shrugs, it doesn't matter much anyway, he still has to die. They all have to die, so that she can win, so that she can live.

The parade starts and they climb up into the chariot and Cato wishes that the whole thing were over already. There are plenty of cheers for District 1, and then of course Cato and Clove, District 4 gets plenty too. But when District 12 comes into view and the audience becomes deafening. Cato is confused at first and can't understand what anyone is screaming. He glances at Clove only to find her just as confused. Suddenly a single voice shrieks above the rest.

_"They're on fire." _

And Cato feels like his heart is about to stop. He glances back and sees them. They are dressed all in black, and Katniss is smiling and blowing kisses at the audience. But it is the flames that trail after them that are causing the feverish excitement.

Cato turns to Clove trying to keep his face blank. But as she looks up at him he can't help but flash a quick smile that she returns. Leave it to Katniss to outshine them all. Only she would have the good luck to get a halfway competent stylist. The crowd's screams get even louder and he glances back again. His jaw tightens.

The blonde boy had grabbed Katniss' hand and is holding it up for all to see. It takes him a moment to recognize the blonde boy; it's the baker's son. He can't hold back his smirk after that. At least the boy might be useful. He glances at Clove, her face is turned towards the front, but he can tell by the tension in her shoulders that she's not pleased with their linked hands. Cato smirks at her loyalty.

"That's the baker's son," he mutters to her. Her face relaxes and a conniving smirk slides on her face.

"Well, well, well. It seems fate is our side after all," she practically purrs. Cato rolls his eyes at her sadistic glee. Clove had heard plenty about the baker's son. The way he always stared at Katniss and obviously had a massive crush on her. Clove had decided she disliked him before Cato had even accidently told Katniss that he loved her.

"Down girl. He could be very useful," he says quietly. Clove raises an eyebrow as she smirks and waves to the crowd. "He seems like the self-sacrificing type, a little like our Kat, except so much worse," he explains as he winks at some blue-haired teenage girl in the front row, who shrieks and jumps up and down in response.

"True, very true. I certainly hope Abernathy is going to use that to his advantage," Clove purrs as they reach the City Circle. Cato smirks.

"I'm sure he will."

* * *

><p>Brutus and Enobaria rush over to congratulate them when they climb off their chariot. Their stylists hover off to the edge and Cato can hear the blonde from District 1 complaining about Katniss and bread boy. He smirks and meets Brutus' eye. His mentor smiles at him and nods his head. He had made note of Kat's success as well.<p>

Cato glances over at her and sees their mentor, escort, and stylists hovering around them talking excitedly. Haymitch sees him looking and stops praising them, instead suggesting that they head upstairs. Katniss glances over her shoulder and her grey eyes meet Cato's blue ones.

Neither of them smile, they just look at each other for a moment. Her eyes are sad, and he can feel the weight of her decision on his chest, heavier than ever. Volunteering may have been the right thing for her to do, but it doesn't mean there aren't painful consequences. She breaks their eye contact and her eyes flash to Clove before she turns to follow her mentor.

"Come on son, District 12 has the right idea, lets head upstairs," Brutus says gruffly. Cato nods and follows him, Clove and Enobaria right behind him.

* * *

><p>When they're washed clean of their make up and dressed in normal clothes they watch the Opening ceremonies on the television. They are congratulated continuously by their irritating stylists but neither Clove nor Cato respond.<p>

Clove is busy assessing the competition, and Cato only has eyes for Katniss. His eyes are glued to her every movement on screen. The way she smiles, her lithe fingers waving at the crowd. He smirks when he realizes she almost pulled her hand out of bread boy's at least twice. The announcers rave about District 12's costumes and chatter on about the stylists, Cinna and Portia.

When it's over, the stylists head off to bed and Enobaria curtly tells them not to stay up too late as she heads out the door to visit with District 1's mentors. Brutus turns to them with an unreadable expression on his face.

"You kids want to see the roof?" he asks gruffly. Cato exchanges confused glances with Clove. What does the roof have to do with anything? Their escort seems to be just as confused.

"It has a fantastic view. Of course we might run into one of the tributes from District 12, they are housed right under it and always seem to be up there," he continues casually and Cato understands his intent now. Haymitch has brought Katniss up there and that was where they were to meet.

"Sounds great," Clove chirps and Cato nods eagerly. Their escort tells them to have a good time as she heads off to bed. They follow Brutus to the elevator and he pushes the button for 12.

"They are the only ones who have an entrance to the roof, but Abernathy usually lets me use it," he explains casually. They nod in understanding. Cato can feel the excitement coursing through his blood; he'll get to see her again, soon. He'll get to touch her and hold her, and not have to pretend he doesn't know her, his Kat, his lovely Kat. Clove nudges him in the side and he realizes he's bouncing in anticipation. He immediately stops and for the first time since the reapings, Clove laughs.

They arrive at the twelfth floor and follow Brutus out of the elevator and through the living room. Haymitch and bread boy and seated on the couch quietly talking. They both look up and Haymitch nods his head slightly, as if to say, she's up there. Cato meets bread boy's eyes and he can see the jealousy mixed in with pity in them. Cato sneers at him and Clove looks at him coldly until the younger boy lowers his head. He doesn't need his pity

They make their way through a hallway and then to a door at the end. Brutus opens it and leads them up the stairs and out onto the roof. It's dark and there are no lights save for the ones from the city. From what Cato can make out, there's a garden and benches. And perched on a bench in the far corner is the silhouette of a girl. Cato's heart beats faster as he slowly makes his way over to her, Clove following him silently and Brutus stays leaned against the door.

The closer he gets the more he can see of her. Her back is to him and her hair tumbles down her back like a dark waterfall, loose for once. She sits perfectly still, and he would have thought her a statue except that when his foot comes down a little too hard she flinches, her hunters reflexes refusing to let her stay still.

"Kat," he says softly when he's almost right behind her. She shifts until she is facing him fully. Her beautiful face is so blank it's as if she is carved of ice.

"Cato, Clove. Fancy meeting you here," she says dryly and Cato's heart sinks. He should've known she'd do this. Kat has a habit of closing herself off when things got hard. He's seen this look plenty of times. She wore it front of her mother, for the boys at her school whose eyes followed her every movement, and for the general public. But he isn't any of those people, and he won't let her shut him out, not now.

He glances over at Clove and she nods, knowing he'll have a better chance of getting Katniss to snap out of it if they're alone. Clove looks back at Brutus and he nods his understanding, pushing off the door and opening it.

"It was nice to see you Katniss," Clove says, her voice gentle for once, as she leans down to press a soft kiss to the younger girl's pale cheek. Katniss glances up at the green-eyed girl, her eyes flat.

"And it was nice to see you Clove," she says on autopilot as the petite girl makes her way to the door.

"Another time, little bird," Brutus calls out to the girl and she responds with a quiet 'of course.' Suddenly her face is alive with panic, and Cato is shocked by how quickly her entire being came alive.

"Clove?" she calls out frantically. The auburn-haired girl stops and turns back to look at her.

"Yes?' she asks curiously. Katniss' face is suddenly blank again, and Cato finds himself wondering how she manages to push all of the raw panic back underneath so quickly.

"Does it ever get any easier?' Katniss asks, her voice trembling ever so slightly. When Clove raises her eyebrow Katniss elaborates. "Knowing that nothing will ever be the same again," she says quietly and Clove's face softens in understanding. If anyone would know, it would be her.

"Never," Clove says flatly and Katniss nods in acceptance.

"I thought so. Thank you," she says quietly and Clove nods.

"See you in training. I'll be the one glaring at you," Clove says with a smile as she turns around and walks through the doorway.

"You better be," Katniss calls after her. Brutus follows Clove out and closes the door behind them. They are alone at last and Cato sits next to Katniss who turns her head to look at him blankly.

"Stop it," he tells her flatly. She impassively raises an eyebrow at him.

"Stop what, Cato?" she asks tiredly. He scoffs at her and she looks at him blankly.

"Stop shutting me out," he implores in irritation. He takes her small hands into his and for a second her façade crumbles and her bottom lip trembles. "I know this is what you do, lovely, but it doesn't work that way with me. You can shut anyone else out, but not me, I'm not the enemy," he says firmly and she looks at him with guarded eyes.

"I know," she whispers. "But if I do, I might cry, and I am so sick of crying," she explains numbly. He lets go of her hands to pull her into his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his neck. He wraps his arms around her waist and holds her tight.

"It's all right to cry, Kat," he says softly and he can feel her nod into his neck. Her tears come slowly, leaking into the collar of his shirt but he simply pets her hair and rocks her back and forth slowly. He's sure she cried on the train, maybe with Haymitch, but he knows that she needs to get it all out, because he needs it too. He isn't sure when he started to cry as well, but he is aware that he can feel them sliding down his face.

Katniss eventually stops crying and simply keeps her face buried in his neck, her fingers lazily playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He draws patterns on her waist with his fingers and they don't speak for a long time. When she finally breaks the silence her voice is hoarse.

"We weren't supposed to end like this," she whispers against his neck, placing a soft kiss against his pulse that makes him shiver. He pulls her closer.

"No we weren't," he says grimly as he places a kiss on her hair. She pulls her face out of his neck to look at him. Her grey eyes are grim and her lips are set in determination.

"Let's agree to not talk about it. About what we both intend to do for the other, when the games start," she says quickly. "Let's just enjoy each other's company when we can get it, and otherwise pretend we don't know each other," she says imploringly. He looks at her anxious face and knows she's right.

The Capitol would not be very pleased if they discovered that the two of them knew each other. Technically no one was supposed to leave their District unless it was related to the games. And although they had originally met because of his training, almost every time he went after that had nothing to do with the games and everything to do with her. They would be in a lot of trouble if their relationship were discovered.

"Alright I can agree to that," he says with a small smile. "But just know Kat," he continues seriously. "I'll be doing everything in in my power to make you win," he tells her firmly and she nods her head in understanding.

"I know, I'll be doing the same for you," she says solemnly. He nods. He knows she will. And if it was just the two of them fighting to keep the other alive, she might actually have a chance.

After all, she has actually killed living creatures before, and Cato has only ever practiced on dummies. She also knows a lot more about survival than he does, and she would've known how to use it to his advantage instead of her own. But it wasn't just the two of them. He had Clove, Brutus, and Haymitch on his side. And probably bread boy, too. But she only had herself. He knew that she would probably never forgive Brutus and Haymitch for helping him, but he would be thankful as long as she was alive.

He holds her against him for a very long time, focusing on the steady beat of her heart, trying to memorize the rhythm, he never wanted to forget it, especially now that he had so little time left to memorize all the beautiful things about her. So he pays extra close attention to every movement, to the soft sound of her breathing.

He notes the way she shifts her hips unconsciously to a beat only she can hear, and he smiles as he thinks of all the times he's seen her do it before (and he tries not to think about how this might be last time he sees her do it.) He runs his fingers through her long hair and loves the way it feels like silk. His fingers slide under the hem of her shirt and he glides his fingers along the silky skin of her stomach and she lets out a sound that sounds like a cat purring. He chuckles; Kat really was an appropriate nickname for her.

"Shush you, no Kat-is-an-appropriate-nickname-comments from you!" Katniss says playfully. He laughs at her.

"Me? I wasn't going to say anything," he claims innocently. She scoffs and pulls back to look at him.

"Sure you weren't," she says in disbelief. He laughs and she glances up at the moon. It's quite high in the sky. She looks at him and he knows it's time to go back inside.

"We have to go," he says reluctantly. She nods her head and begins to crawl off of his lap. He puts his hands on her hips to still her movement and she looks at him questioningly. "I love you," he tells her solemnly. Her whole face softens and she puts her hands on either side of his face.

"And I love you," she whispers back gently. She kisses him softly and he returns it reverently. Desperately trying to memorize the taste of her mouth, honey and mint and something that was pure Katniss. She pulls out of the kiss and leans her forehead against his, studying his face gently. She smiles at him and climbs off his lap. She slowly makes her way to the door and glances back at him only once. She flashes him a smile and them slides through the door silently.

He takes a moment to fix her smile in his head. The way her nose crinkles just a little bit and how her lips go up higher ever so slightly on the right side. He won't be seeing that smile very much anymore. Her face doesn't do any of the little things that he loves when she's faking it. It's one of the things he loves best about her. Her inability to be fake was what would make her the perfect person to make Panem rebel against the Capitol after living so long under its abuse.


	9. From The Very Start

**From The Very Start**

_It falls, apart,_

_from the very start,_

_it falls apart,_

_seems like everything I touch, falls apart,_

_everything around me, falls apart,_

_when I walk away from you._

_I wish I could but I don't,_

_always keep the promises I've kept,_

_I wish I could, but I can't,_

_always give, whatever I have left,_

_and now its all so clear,_

_doesn't anyone see what's happening here_?"

_A Thousand Foot Krutch_

"_Falls Apart"_

Katniss Everdeen had long since learned her lesson. She didn't expect very much out of life. She knew that whatever she got would be earned. It would be earned through her hard work and perseverance. She didn't expect anything to come easily. She knew that she would always have to work very hard for her lot in life. And that's why she should've known that she'd never get her perfect fucking happily ever after.

Life didn't work that way in Panem. Her parents had been the closest thing to perfect she had ever seen. Their love had been so pure and beautiful. And then her father died and her mother, her mother left her all alone to take care of precious, delicate, little Prim. And if it weren't for Peeta Mellark, Katniss could honestly say, they probably would've starved.

Which made the games that much harder. Wasn't it enough that Cato, the boy she loved, was going in? Wasn't enough that his best friend was going in? Wasn't it enough that her sister was called in the first place? Wasn't her willingness to volunteer and die for the ones she loved enough? Did fate really have to throw in the boy who had saved not only her life, but her sister's as well?

It was clear that Katniss Everdeen could come to only one conclusion as she prepared to lose it all, to lose her life. Life was hard. And no one who deserved it ever really got what they wanted, they didn't get happily ever afters, and Katniss feels dumb that she ever thought she might get hers.

* * *

><p>When they arrive at the Capitol, Haymitch tells Katniss to be less hostile. She rolls her eyes at him, because everyone seems to forget one very important thing about her. She may be a terrible liar, but she is a brilliant actress.<p>

When they get off the train Katniss keeps her face pleasantly neutral. Peeta smiles and waves but Katniss keeps her head down, looking up at them through her eyelashes with a soft half-smile. It was a look that Madge often told her made boys lose there minds. Not that Katniss really believed her blonde friend, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

The rest of the day is a blur. She's put through torture by her prep team as they rip every stray hair from her body, and she meets her stylist Cinna, who surprises her with his quiet honesty and lack of outlandish apparel. When he tells her that she's going to be on fire, she silently ponders his sanity but agrees anyway because Haymitch told her to and she trusts his judgment.

The opening ceremonies fly by and she only gets a glimpse of Cato and Clove on their chariot ahead of her. They look fierce and intimidating, but then Katniss is caught up in the applause of the audience. She hates to admit it, but for the first time since Prim's name was called, she can feel something beyond numb anguish.

Sure Haymitch's story brightened her mood a little, but she didn't ask him to tell it to her to make her feel better. She asked because she needs it. She needs something to hold onto; something to get her through the darkness. But the applause of the audience works its way into her bloodstream and makes her head spin. She feels like she's flying or dancing, like the world is hers for the taking, like she's invincible.

When they get off the chariot in the Training Center, she doesn't feel invincible any longer. She feels human and numb. Their prep teams coo over them and Haymitch begins to congratulate them when he suddenly looks over at someone. He stops and tells them they should head up stairs. Katniss looks back to see what had stopped him.

Her breath catches in her chest. Cato is looking at her, his face blank. She holds his gaze steadily, hoping that her eyes say everything she can't. She feels heavy and tired suddenly, and she childishly wishes she can just run away from it all, and bring him with her. She wishes that they could be happy and beautiful and young again. But they can't; because of the games, because of life, because she feels a million years old.

She breaks eye contact with his appraising blue eyes and lets her grey ones flit over to Clove, who watches her with sadness in her big green eyes. She turns away from it quickly and follows Haymitch to the elevator. She decides she's a little sick of life and of its need to constantly beat her down, so she gives in and allows herself to fade into numbness, if she doesn't feel anything, then she won't cry, and she doesn't want to cry anymore, she's had enough of crying.

When Effie shows her to her room she immediately heads for the bathroom and strips down to her underwear before washing the make up off of her face. She showers and changes into a soft blue shirt and a knee-length skirt. She doesn't bother with her hair for once and lets it hang down her back. She sits on the couch next to Haymitch and watches the Opening Ceremonies, only paying attention when Cato was on the screen.

When it's over and everyone has dispersed save for Peeta, Haymitch and Katniss, Haymitch casually mentions that they have access to the roof and asks her if she wants to see it. She notices the pointed way he only asks her and realizes that he wanted her up there for a reason. Then he carelessly adds that occasionally he let other Districts use the roof access so someone else might come up while she's up there. She quietly agrees because he can't make it any clearer even if he shouted it out loud. Brutus is going to bring Cato—and possibly Clove—to see her.

The roof is dark and quiet save for the whistling of the wind and the distant chatter of the city. Katniss is immediately taken with it. She finds the garden to elegant and is pleased to find that she recognizes many of the plants in it. When she perches herself on a bench near the edge of the roof and stares out at the vast city lights, Haymitch quietly tells her that there is a force field around the edge to prevent tributes from getting hurt. Katniss holds back a snort. They aren't worried about them getting hurt, they're worried about them ruining their games before it really begins. They're afraid of them trying to fly away to a better place.

Haymitch tells her that he's going back inside and not to stay too long. Not long afterward she hears the door open and Katniss hears two people silently making their way towards her. She stays perfectly still as if bracing herself for what's to come. She doesn't want to feel a fucking thing because all she feels anymore is pain, and she doesn't want to hurt anymore. So she tries her best to pretend she doesn't care and greets them with dry sarcasm, trying her best to close them out, to close the whole world out.

She doesn't look directly at them, choosing instead to stare at the garden, but she can see Cato look at Clove and the older girl nods her head. Clove presses a kiss against her cheek and Katniss numbly observes how unusual it is for Clove to show such affection for anyone. Katniss is sure she responds to Clove's farewell but she can't remember a thing. She's trying so hard to pretend that Cato isn't right there, because she doesn't want to feel anything and he can make her feel _everything_.

When Clove is almost to the door everything comes rushing up in Katniss and she calls out to her desperately, because she needs to know if it ever ends. If anyone would know, it would be Clove. Sure maybe she and Cato had lost their fathers, but Clove had lost it all, her family, her happiness, her everything. Maybe Haymitch had too, but he won't tell her the truth, but Clove will. And when she says never, Katniss knows that it's the truth.

And then they're gone and it's just Katniss and Cato. He sits next to her and she tries so hard to keep him out, because if he gets in, she won't be able to hide anymore, and hiding is what she's good at. He gets through to her, like always and she allows herself one last moment to feel something, before she closes it all off. She lets him hold her and they both cry.

She presses her face into his neck and focuses on everything about him, until he is the only thing she is aware of. Until darling little Prim's face fades from her mind and she doesn't see Madge with her bottom lip trembling every time she closes her eyes. She breathes in his natural musk and eventually she doesn't see her helpless mother and Gale's glassy eyes as he tries not to cry.

She focuses on Cato and reminds herself that keeping him safe, keeping him alive is the most important thing. She tries so hard to pretend that she doesn't see Prim's frantic face like it has been painted onto the inside of her eyelids and refuses to think of what will become of her when Katniss is—gone. She simply closes her eyes and lets everything that is Cato overtake her senses.

When she finally leaves she goes straight to her room so that she doesn't have to see him leave. She waits until she's certain everyone is gone and then silently makes her way to the dining room. Haymitch is seated the table, a glass of liquor in front of him. Katniss smiles at him and he returns it as she seats herself across from him.

He holds out his drink silently and she gratefully takes it, bringing it to her lips, taking a large swig. She hands it back to him and enjoys the burn of the alcohol as it slides down her throat. She coughs and he chuckles at her. She doesn't really drink but she felt that in the face of everything that had happened, a little liquor could only help.

"So what's my approach?" she asks as she leans forward, her hands lay clasped on the table in front of her. Haymitch raises an eyebrow at her and leans back in his chair taking a drink from his glass.

"What'd you mean sweetheart?" he asks calmly and Katniss fights the urge to throw something at him.

"I mean," she begins slowly. "How am I supposed to act, what's my angle? How am I going to make sure that Cato wins?" she asks impatiently and his face shows his dawning comprehension. He sighs and leans forward placing his glass down.

"Oh that," he says with a sigh. "This is going to sound mad sweetheart," he pauses and looks at her impatient face. "But to make sure Cato wins, you have to keep yourself safe," he finishes. She looks at him blankly for a moment.

"How is that going to help Cato?" she asks finally, clearly confused. He sighs and scrubs his hands across his face before he looks at her.

"Katniss, use your brain," he scolds lightly. "If something happens to you early in the games, he'll lose it and kill himself," he explains flatly and Katniss feels dumb for not realizing this earlier. Of course that would happen, she'd do the same thing.

"Okay, but what am I suppose to do then? I do have to die at some point," she points out, frustrated.

"You," Haymitch begins dramatically. "Are going to be yourself," he finishes with a wry grin. Katniss briefly wonders if he had finally lost his mind after so long.

"But-" she begins her brow furrowed in confusion. Haymitch quickly shushes her.

"Hear me out before you object," he says with a pointed look.

"Okay, let's hear it," she says reluctantly. He nods his head and leans in.

"You are going to act like the fierce, determined girl fighting to go home to your beloved little sister and pretty best friend," he explains and she raises an eyebrow, wondering what Madge had to do with anything. "You will play the games like that, as honestly as possible, without revealing your love for Cato," he says and she nods slowly.

"But what does Madge have to do with anything?" Katniss asks slowly. Haymitch chuckles and smiles at her affectionately.

"You really weren't paying attention on the train were you?" he asks pityingly but this only increases her confusion. Haymitch rolls his eyes at her. "Well, while you were wallowing in misery, the commenters were gushing over Madge's obvious distress at your volunteering," he explains impatiently. Katniss raises an eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean, 'obvious distress'?" she asks slowly. He sighs at her obliviousness.

"Sweetheart, when you stepped forward to volunteer the camera crew got a pretty great shot of Madge over your shoulder, and her face was so white I'm surprised she didn't pass out," he explains and Katniss feels her heart sink.

Of course poor, sensitive Madge would be upset about it. It's not like the blonde had any other friends. Katniss reluctantly admits to herself that what her imminent death will do to Madge might be her biggest regret. She doesn't want to leave the blonde girl all alone in the world, but she has to save Cato. Haymitch waits for her to absorb the information before he continues.

"Anyway, the Capitol just loves it, and they kept talking about how the two of you must be very close," he says with a shrug. "I'm sure they'll want to interview her soon. And they will be asking you about her in your interview," he warns and Katniss nods her head dazedly.

"Of course," she says numbly. She forces herself out of the fog and into the present. "What do I do after that? How far am I suppose to get?" she asks trying to focus on her goal and not her pretty blonde friend who would probably never be the same again.

"You have to make it all the way to the final two. It has to come down to you and Cato," Haymitch explains gravely and Katniss nods slowly. "When it's just the two of you, you need an exit strategy. Something fool-proof, something he can't save you from," Haymitch explains grimly. Katniss' mind scrambles to grasp at something he couldn't save her from, something that would kill her before he had a chance to kill himself.

"I can't think of anything," she admits slowly and Haymitch nods in acceptance.

"You'll think of something when the time comes sweetheart," he says gently and she nods distractedly.

"So what will be the reasoning behind my suicide?" she says slowly, still focused on her exit-strategy.

"Easy, you are going to act as if you are so haunted by the things that you had seen and done in the arena that you just couldn't live with it any longer," he explains looking almost uncomfortable telling her. She nods slowly.

"Haymitch?" she says oddly and he looks at her sharply.

"Yes sweetheart?" he asks warily. Katniss' lips slowly slide into a wicked grin.

"I think I know what my exit strategy is," she explains as she stares off into space, her grin slowly sliding off her face. Yes, it was perfect, a flawless exit really.

"That's great, what is it?" Haymitch asks curiously. Katniss looks at him for a moment and wonders if she should tell him. Something deep in her gut told her not to, so she brushes him off.

"Don't worry about it, you'll know when the time comes," she says dismissively. Haymitch nods in understanding but his gaze is troubled.

"All right then sweetheart. One more thing," he says sternly.

"What is it Haymitch?" she asks holding back a yawn. He looks at her very seriously.

"Stick close to Peeta during training," he says firmly.

"Why?" Katniss asks, confused. Haymitch sighs

"Just-" he begins and stops, frustrated. "Don't ask, just do," he says, exasperated. "Trust me, Katniss," he adds as an afterthought.

"Okay, I will," she says slowly, trusting his judgment.

"Now go get some sleep. You look dead tired," he orders sternly and Katniss nods like a small child.

"I'll try," she says as they both rise and part to go to their respective rooms.

* * *

><p>When Katniss closes her door she is startled to find a redheaded girl scoping up her costume from the floor. When the girl looks up at her with surprised eyes Katniss feels like she had just been punched in the gut. She studies the stunning features of the girl that she and Gale had seen running away from the hovercraft that horrific day in the woods.<p>

"I know you," Katniss finally says, her voice barely above a whisper and so full of regret that the other girl flinches. The girl fiercely shakes her head and Katniss rationalizes that she could probably get in a lot of trouble for knowing her. But it was very clear that the girl was some sort of servant, that they had done something to her to silence her. To punish her and Katniss feels responsible for it.

"I'm sorry," Katniss breathes out fiercely, determined to at least say that much. Her bottom lip trembles and the redhead's face goes soft. She places the costume on Katniss' turned down bed and crosses the room to place both of her hands on either side of Katniss' face. Her hands are soft and warm. She looks into Katniss' eyes and seems to say 'don't be, it's alright.' She then stands on her tiptoes and places a firm kiss on Katniss' forehead.

"I should have saved you," Katniss whispers sadly. The girl steps back and shakes her head wistfully. Katniss watches as the girl takes the costume and places it on the table before taking her by the wrist and gently tugs her towards the bathroom, indicating that she should get ready for bed.

Katniss shakes her head and the girl pulls her to her bed instead. Katniss follows and lets the girl tuck her as if she was a small child. The girl places another kiss on Katniss' forehead and turns off the lights as she leaves taking the costume with her. Katniss rolls over onto her side and lets her mind wander.

The day had been long and full of far too much to process. She had been stripped of every excess hair and paraded around like a pretty pet. She'd done her best to not cry and still found herself doing just that. She'd come up with a strategy with Haymitch and come to the realization that she would hurt people when she died. And then she came face to face with someone she had thought she would never see it again.

"I should have saved you," Katniss whispers again before she succumbs to the blankness of sleep.


	10. To Live For

**To Live For**

"_I know the pieces fit 'cause I watched them fall away_

_Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing._

_Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion_

_Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication_

_The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so_

_We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication._

_I know the pieces fit 'cause I watched them tumble down_

_No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to_

_Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over._

_To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication_

_The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,_

_And the circling is worth it._

_Finding beauty in the dissonance."_

_-Tool_

"_Schism"_

The first day of training Cato finds himself awake before the sun rises. His sleep had been riddled with nightmares, bloodshed and helpless children's screams already haunting him. Katniss just barely flits at the edge of every one, her face cold and unforgiving, as she dies a thousand different ways. Clove dances just out of reach as her blood spills from a thousand different wounds.

Sometimes he sees himself killing them, afterwards the warped-dream version of himself can't believe what he'd done, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't get their blood off of his hands. But sometimes it's the beautiful blonde from District 1 or her partner, occasionally it's the brooding male from District 11 and once it is the sly redhead from District 5. But it doesn't matter who it is, he can't save them, no matter how hard he tries.

He decides that he should just get out of bed and to not bother trying to fall back to sleep. It's clear his mind won't let him. He takes a long hot shower and gets dressed before heading to the dining room. Food is already spread out on a separate table and Cato helps himself. He takes a seat near the window and stares out of it blankly. He's hardly aware of the sky gradually fading into gray, as dawn approaches.

When the sun is rising Clove joins him. She silently fills her plate and takes a seat next to him. Her pale face and bloodshot eyes indicate that she hasn't slept very well either. But then again, when did she ever sleep well? Her sleep was always full of nightmares, not that she's ever told Cato that, but he's heard her scream every night for almost thirteen years. He knows what haunts her, and it's not what could happen, but what has happened.

Roughly an hour later Brutus, Enobaria, and their escort join them. The escort chatters for a while before Enobaria smoothly asks her to shut up, flashing an acidic smile, her sharp teeth glinting dangerously. Their escort does not speak again. Brutus tells them that training begins at ten o'clock. Cato and Clove nod in understanding.

"You have alliances with District 1 and District 4." Brutus tells them shortly and Cato begins to nod when Clove drops her fork.

"What the fuck? I don't give a damn about District 1, but why in the hell are we being paired with the wimps from District 4?" Clove asks viciously. It becomes very clear to Cato that he had been really out of it the night before if he didn't even know what the tributes from District 4 look like. He reminds himself to pay close attention to all of the other tributes when training begins.

"Because I owe Finnick a favor and he asked me to make sure you guys allied with them," Brutus admits begrudgingly. Clove glares at him mutinously for a moment before nodding her consent.

"Fine. But they have to get their own asses out of the bloodbath alive," Clove says with a sickening smile and Cato nods in agreement. "And they're the first to go once the alliance is over," she adds with a smirk.

"Fair enough, I only promised to get them into the alliance," Brutus says with an indifferent shrug. They lapse into silence after that.

When it's time to for them to leave their escort insists on riding in the elevator with them. They don't disagree. Enobaria tells them not to embarrass her and then returns to her room. Brutus turns to them and surveys them silently. He looks into Cato's eyes solemnly.

"Don't fuck up, kid," he says sternly before he claps him in the back and shoves him towards the elevator. Cato understands the double meaning; don't let anyone see how you feel about her.

"I won't," Cato says flatly just as the elevator doors close. And it's true, he won't, there is too much riding on his ability to ignore Katniss Everdeen. Something he has never had to do before. But there's a first for everything, and it being a life-or-death situation was most definitely motivating.

They are the first to arrive and Clove heads over to make small talk with the head trainer, Atala. Cato silently follows her. The other tributes slowly trickle in and Cato makes a point to stare down every single one. Katniss and Peeta are the last ones in and Cato gives them the same treatment, Katniss returns his glare coolly and Peeta looks down. Cato smirks at him and turns back to Clove who just rolls her eyes at him, a small amused smirk on her face.

Atala makes a speech that Cato barely pays attention to. He does hear when she says that tributes aren't allowed to engage in hand-to-hand combat with each other, and finds himself quite disappointed. He'd love to get a chance to put bread boy in his place. While she rambles on, Cato surveys all the tributes, looking for potential threats.

The Careers from District 1 are passable, they look like they can hold their own, although Cato was a little sick of the girl's come-hither stare. It's fucking annoying. District 3 is doomed, the girl from District 4 might do okay, but the boy is fucked. The District 5 boy is equally fucked, but the girl, the girl is hard to place. Despite her small stature, she seemed to be very cunning, and Cato isn't stupid enough to underestimate her for it.

District 6 makes no impression whatsoever, and Districts 7 through 9 are just as forgettable. He tries his best to ignore the crippled boy from District 10, but he fucking hopes that someone else kills him. The male from District 11 might be Cato's only real obstacle, and Cato doesn't even bother assessing the little girl who is his partner, because then Cato might linger a little too long on the resemblance between her and Prim. Cato doesn't bother looking at District 12. He knows already. Peeta will do all right for a while. And Katniss will win, because Cato's going to make damn sure of it.

When Atala is done the tributes from District 1 and District 4 dutifully make their way over to Cato and Clove. It's clear that they are in charge, and none of the others seem to feel the need to disagree. Clove dismisses them with a flick of her wrist as she heads towards the impressive display of knives. The blonde from District 1 lingers and coyly winks at Cato but he rolls his eyes at her. She pouts and looks confused before skipping off to the archery shooting range.

As they all head to different stations Cato sneaks a glance at Katniss and bread boy. They clearly have been told to stick together because bread boy asks her where they should start. She surveys the room, and her eyes flash over to Cato once before she answers.

"Suppose we tie some knots," she suggests coolly. Bread boy nods his head in consent and they head over to that station. Cato smirks as he realizes Haymitch's approach. They weren't supposed to show their strengths. Just learn a couple new skills and blend in. Cato holds back a snort. As if Kat could ever blend in. She was born to stand out. He silently makes his way to the display of swords and picks one, intent on decapitating as many dummies as possible.

While he and his fellow Careers show off, Cato silently monitors Katniss and bread boy's movement. They stay at the knot tying station for a while and then move onto camouflage. Cato smirks when he notices bread boy's obvious talent in that particular department and feels undeniably smug when Peeta's face falls at something Katniss says. His girl was never very good at keeping her snarky comments to herself.

At lunch he and the rest of the Careers gather around one table and they all jabber over one another. Katniss and bread boy are the only other tributes that sit together. Cato assumes that it's part of Haymitch's plan, and reminds himself to ask Haymitch why when he finally gets a chance. Katniss and Peeta try their best to appear friendly, but they come off as awkward. Halfway through lunch Clove leans forward to whisper in his ear.

"Kat looks like she's about to punch him," she says in amusement and Cato looks towards them. She's right. Katniss has a forced smile on her face and her hand on the table is clenched so tightly her knuckles are white. Cato wonders what he could have possibly said to make Katniss so angry.

The rest of the day passes quickly, and Cato finds himself hoping for a chance to be alone with Katniss. It doesn't happen. She and Peeta are the first to leave; they're gone before Cato has a chance to put his sword away. Cato looks over at Clove who has a strange look on her face, like she's trying to solve a puzzle.

"What's wrong?" Cato asks in undertone. Clove looks at him and her face goes blank before he can blink.

"Nothing, just noticed something strange, that's all," Clove says, her voice soft and yet as hard as flint. Cato refrains from asking for an explanation, knowing that it wasn't the appropriate time.

"Whatever," he replies with a shrug as they head over to the elevator, the tributes from District 1 trailing after them. Clove spins on the tips of her toes so that she's walking backwards and smirks at him condescendingly.

"Aw, did you think we were going to have a heart-to-heart and talk about our feelings?" Clove taunts in a sickeningly sweet voice. Cato rolls his eyes at her antics and pushes her so that she stumbles.

"Fuck no sweetheart, you can have your heart-to-heart with Blondie over there," he drawls with an amused smirk. "You can braid each others hair," he teases as Clove's face starts to turn red. The blonde tosses her hair over her shoulder and puts a hand on Cato's arm.

"I'm not much for talking," Glimmer purrs as she walks past him into the elevator. Clove gags at the innuendo, and Cato resists the urge to do the same. Glimmer's District partner follows her in and Glimmer raises an eyebrow and smirks at Cato and Clove, silently asking them if they're coming in. Cato crosses his arms and Clove drapes an arm over his shoulder. Their stance says it all. _Fuck no._

The smirk slides off of Glimmer's face, and for the first time, Cato finds himself slightly unsure of his ally's capabilities. For a moment, the beautiful blonde girl's face is so emotionless, Cato wonders if she had been turned to stone. But just as suddenly she pouts and Cato wonders if he imagined it. If he imagined the anger and hatred, the pure fury hidden in the blonde's exquisite green eyes. The elevator door closes, leaving Clove and Cato alone with the trainers. Clove turns to Cato slowly and he looks down at her, her eyes unsure.

"Did I just imagine it, or is does Blondie have some serious rage issues?" Clove questions slowly. Cato nods in agreement, slightly dazed.

"I think, we might have seriously underestimated her," Cato responds, wondering why he hadn't noticed the danger in almost every word the blonde spoke. It didn't come from sheer brute strength like the boy from District 11, or intelligence like the petite redhead from District 5. It didn't even come from the fiery determination Katniss had engrained into her very soul, or the deadly accuracy of Clove's blade.

It came from the hatred, and rage buried in her heart. It came from some tragedy no one knew about. It came from anger that could tear the world apart. And for the first time in a long time, Cato finds himself truly afraid of an opponent. Clove turns away and hit the button for the elevator.

"We'll have to pay more attention to her," Clove says her voice trembling ever so slightly, and Cato knows the blonde girl had scared Clove as well. Cato puts his hands on the back of her shoulders and squeezes them, silently letting her know that he's afraid too.

It isn't often that they're afraid, but they're always afraid together. It's a side effect of being friends for so long, and having only a thin wall between Cato and Clove's nightmares, it meant that Cato and Clove had no secrets between the two of them. They're best friends, and yet, so much more than that. They're family. They'll fight together, die together, and they'll fear the same things. He's merely an extension of her, who he loves, she loves, what scares her, scares him, and vice versa.

* * *

><p>Cato's nightmares are full of Glimmer's emotionless face. They're in a large field, which is riddled with the mangled bodies of their fellow tributes, and somehow, Cato knows that Glimmer killed every last one of them. It's just him, Glimmer, Katniss, Clove, and the little girl from District 11 left.<p>

Glimmer smiles coyly and walks over to Katniss, pushing her down as she seductively straddles Katniss' trembling body. Katniss whimpers and Cato tries to run towards them, but he can't move. Glimmer leans down, her hair brushing Katniss' face sweetly, and Glimmer brushes her fingers along Katniss' face, soothing her whimpers. Slowly she raises her other hand, and Cato catches a glimpse of a silver blade flashing in the sun before she slits Katniss' throat from ear to ear, giggling girlishly as Katniss' blood splatters across her face. She presses a lingering kiss to Katniss' bloodstained mouth and then gracefully climbs off of her. Cato still can't move, and he has to watch as Katniss' body falls limp.

Glimmer slinks catlike towards Clove, who is standing across the field from Cato. Clove stares at the blonde girl as Glimmer coils her arm around Clove's waist in a loving embrace. She tenderly traces her knife across Clove's cheek before dropping her hand. She then leans down, pressing her lips to Clove's throat as she thrust the knife into Clove's stomach. Glimmer releases her hold on Clove's waist and Cato's oldest friend drops to her knees. Glimmer tosses back her head and laughs, her blonde curls; stained with Katniss' blood, gleam in the sunlight. Cato is powerless to stop her, he can't move an inch.

Glimmer still does not come to him; she turns instead to the little girl from District 11. Glimmer's face goes soft, extremely soft, and Cato finds himself thinking that she might not kill the little girl. The blonde drops to her knees, and raises a tender hand to gesture the little girl forward. The little thing hesitates but slowly begins to walk towards Glimmer. When she's hallway there Glimmer opens her arms wide and speaks for the first time.

"I can make it all go away," she whispers to the little girl and that's all it takes to send her flying into the blonde's arms. She throws her little arms around Glimmers neck and Glimmer slides an arm around her waist.

"I want to go home," the little girl whimpers into Glimmers golden hair, matted with Katniss' blood. Suddenly the sky goes dark and Glimmer raises her knife high in the air.

"You can never go home again," is what the seductive blonde whispers just before she thrusts the knife downward. And just as the knife enters the little girl's body, the wispy thing looks at Cato, and she is not the tribute from District 11, she is Prim. Then Glimmer stands and pushes the little girl's body away from her, and it slumps to the ground, the blood-encrusted knife is still clenched in her hand.

She turns to Cato, acknowledging him for the first time. She cocks her head to the side, and smiles a heartless smile at him. He trembles with rage, and fear. She grips the knife tightly.

"None of us can go home again," she whispers to him with a sad smile. Her green eyes are vacant and Cato finds that he can't speak. She stares off into the distance for a moment before she turns her eyes back to him, and he waits for her to kill him, death would be a relief, death meant Katniss, it meant Clove, and no more pain. Glimmer's lips twist up into a sadistic smile.

"You deserve to be alone," she says tauntingly, and then she raises her knife a final time. She thrusts it down into her body and he's alone.

He wakes up gasping, drenched in sweat. It's still dark outside and he shoots out of his bed and into the bathroom. He vomits into the toilet violently. When it's over he lays down on the cold floor and gasps for air, trying to clear his mind of Katniss' dead body, Clove's vacant stare, but most of all, Glimmer's words. _None of us can go home again._

And for a moment, he ponders their truth. Could it be that when Katniss finally won, she would never really go home? Would she always be stuck in the arena, no matter where she went? And for the first time since he, Clove, and Brutus had promised to keep her alive, Cato wondered if saving her life was the right thing to do. Maybe the tributes who died were the true victors of the games. Maybe they were all better off dead; maybe they all had nothing left to live for.

But then Prim's upturned face entered his mind. The way her eyes shined as she looked at her older sister. Then Madge, and the way she would smile when Katniss tangled their fingers together. Then Gale, teasingly calling Katniss 'Catnip'. Then Haymitch fondly smiling at Katniss, and Brutus calling her little bird. And finally Katniss' mother, looking at her eldest daughter like she's her last hope. No, Katniss is not better off dead, she has too much to live for.

Cato pulls himself up off the floor and silently wanders towards the door. Across the hall, Clove screams in her sleep. Cato quietly makes his way across the hall, and opens Clove's door. She's awake. Tears stream down her face and she whimpers. Cato sits down next to her and wraps his arms around her. She shakes silently and he rocks her back and forth, his chin resting on top of her head. She pulls back after a while and wipes her face, refusing to acknowledge him until her weakness is hidden again.

"Did I wake you up?" she asks, her voice husky from sleep.

"No, that would be the fault of my own nightmares," he says lightly. She looks at him questioningly.

"What did you dream about?" she asks curiously and he tries to find a way to tell her without revealing the terror of it all.

"Oh you know, the usual, Glimmer went crazy and murdered everyone, and then killed herself, because according to her, I deserve to be alone." He says with a dry laugh. Clove raises an eyebrow at his attempt to make light of the conversation.

"Sounds awful," she whispers and he chuckles, he could never lie to her.

"It was," he admits hoarsely. They lapse into silence and she studies him for a while.

"Come on," she says at last as she crawls off her bed and stands in front of him, her hands on her hips and her face determined. He stands up and follows her to the door.

"Where are we going?" he asks, amused. She opens the door and he follows her down the hall towards the elevator.

"To visit your girl," she responds as if it's obvious.

"Cool with me," he responds with a bob of his head. They walk into the open elevator and Clove presses the button for twelve. The doors close and Clove sits down and the floor with her legs crossed. Cato laughs and lowers himself to sit against the side of the elevator. It's one of the many things they did that Brutus always teased them for. Clove would sit down anywhere, and Cato would sit down with her, so that she wouldn't be alone.

They elevator dings and the doors slide open. They get up and slide into the dark hallway. Clove pauses, and Cato bumps into her. She stumbles and Cato grabs her shoulders to steady her.

"Why did you stop?" he whispers. She turns her head back to look at him and he can make out the embarrassment on her face.

"We don't know which room is hers," she whispers and he realizes she's right.

"Fuck," he whispers and she nods her head in agreement.

"Shall we just open all the doors?" she suggests and he nods his head.

"Why not?" he mutters. The first room is the escort's. Her hair is surprisingly pretty without her wig on. It's a soft brown color. The next door is Haymitch's. He's sprawled across his bed, a bottle of liquor clutched to his chest. The next door is a sitting room, and then a closet. Finally there are only three doors left. The one that led to the roof, and two facing each other. Clove opens the door on the left and nods.

They both creep into the room and shut the door quietly. The curtains are wide open and Katniss' room is bathed in moonlight. Katniss is curled up in her bed and her face is peaceful. No nightmares for her tonight. Clove glances at Cato and he nods. Clove crawls onto Katniss' bed and slides in behind her. Cato slides in front of her and wraps an arm around her. She stirs a little and then opens one bleary grey eye. She smiles at him sleepily and then pokes Clove in the ribs. Clove squeaks and huffs.

"You guys are crazy," Katniss mumbles. And Cato laughs at her accuracy. Clove pouts and presses her face into Katniss' hair.

"No we aren't, we both had nightmares, and then we decided that maybe you could make us feel better," Clove says, her voice playful, and pouty all at once. Katniss laughs and turns around to throws an arm around Clove's neck, pulling the older girl closer, something Cato had seen her do to Madge often. Katniss leans her body against Cato's and tangles their fingers together, her other hand playing with Clove's hair.

"Hmm, I'm sorry you guys had bad dreams. Wanna talk about it?" Katniss says quietly, her eyes still closed and Cato smiles at her big sister instincts. Clove leans into Katniss' hand that soothes the tangles in her auburn hair.

"No," Clove whispers and Cato nods in agreement. "Can we just stay here? We'll leave before it's morning," Clove asks softly, her voice soft and vulnerable.

"Of course, just don't steal the blankets," Katniss says playfully and Cato laughs. They fall asleep just like that. And for the first time since the reaping, Cato doesn't have any nightmares.

* * *

><p>The second day passes quickly and Cato finds himself studying the blonde from District 1 very carefully. She plays flirty and dumb very well, but sometimes when someone says something she doesn't like, her entire body tenses, and Cato waits for her to snap. She doesn't. She has perfect control, and if it weren't for the moment in the elevator the day before, Cato would still see her as nothing but a silly, pretty girl.<p>

Katniss and Peeta still stay away from anything that might give away their talents, and Cato watches as they make their way through all of the survival stations. Occasionally Katniss glances at the rack of bows and arrows longingly. Peeta drags her away from them every time. Cato wonders vaguely what Peeta's skill was. He studies the younger boy, and concludes that it must have something to do with strength; bread boy was well built. Perhaps something along the lines of hand-to-hand combat.

Cato uneasily realizes that the little girl from District 11 is shadowing Katniss and Peeta, and tries to push the image of her little arms wrapped around Glimmer's neck as the blonde stabs a knife into her back. He stops trying when he realizes it's burned into his skull.

Glimmer continues to flirt with everyone, and Cato does his best to ignore her, but she has him on edge, because he keeps hearing her tell him that he deserves to be alone right before she slams the knife into her own body. He almost snaps when, at lunchtime, she slyly winks at Katniss and deliberately presses her body against Katniss' as she cuts in front of her to get food. Katniss' face is confused and flushed in embarrassment.

He closes his eyes and sees the blonde press a lingering kiss to Katniss' mouth as the brunette draws her last breath. Cato's eyes snap open and he decides that he's going to be the one to kill the seductive blonde. He finds himself hating her for breathing.

At the end of the second day Cato lingers as he puts away his sword. So do Clove, Katniss, and Peeta. Cato listens as Katniss quietly tells Peeta to head up without her, that she'll just be a minute. Bread boy hesitates but agrees reluctantly. The elevator door closes, and it's just the three of them. None of them say a word. Clove simply presses the elevator button and they wait for the next one. When the doors open Clove steps in first, followed by Katniss and then Cato. The doors close.

Katniss steps into Cato's open arms and Clove slides to the floor, pressing the button for twelve. Cato presses his face into Katniss' hair and inhales deeply, her natural scent engulfing him. They don't say a word the entire way up. When they get to Katniss' floor she steps out of his embrace, and blows a kiss at Clove, who pretends to catch it. Katniss steps out of the elevator and walks towards Haymitch, who is waiting for her. The doors close and Clove presses the button for their floor.

* * *

><p>His sleep is riddled with nightmares again. They're in the same field, and everyone is dead except for the Katniss, him, Clove, the little girl from District 11, Glimmer, and the redhead from district 5. Glimmer kills Katniss, Clove, and the little girl the same way. But she drops the knife after she kills the little girl and makes her way towards the redhead seductively.<p>

The smaller girl is wary, and steps back every time Glimmer takes a step forward. Glimmer coos out soft words, and the redhead slowly relaxes. Eventually Glimmer is close enough to touch her. She slides her hands onto the girl's hips and grips them tightly. The smaller girl closes her eyes for a moment, and then Glimmer shoots her hand up. It tears through the girl's rib cage, and Glimmer rips the girls heart out of her chest with a laugh. The rest of the dream is the same as the previous night. Cato wakes up gasping again, her words hanging in his head.

Clove's screaming starts and he knows that without a doubt they will be sleeping in Kat's bed again. She is the only thing that keeps the darkness out.

* * *

><p>The third day is tense. They sneak back down to their floor at four in the morning at eat breakfast before Brutus and Enobaria wake up. When their escort and mentors finally join them, no one speaks. The silence says it all. Do well in the private sessions, or else.<p>

Brutus walks them to the elevator, claps Cato on the shoulder, and ruffles Clove's hair as she glares up at him.

"Make your district proud." He says gruffly as he shoves them into the elevator. They both nod solemnly as the doors slide closed.

Cato finds it hard to be around Glimmer, her very presence makes his skin crawl, and he finally admits to himself that he is absolutely terrified of her. There's just something about her that makes him feel cold to his core, she is so unreadable, and he searches her face for a crack, a moment in which he can see beyond her giggles and seductive eyes. The only thing that almost gives away her danger is her voice.

No matter how hard she tries, her voice is never high-pitched and airy. It's deep for a girl's voice, and always husky; like she'd just screamed until her voice was almost gone.

Glimmer seems to sense his fear and hatred because she touches him whenever she can and seems to revel in the tension in his muscles, like she knows that he is trying his best not flinch away from her touch.

Clove seems to notice his distress because she suddenly begins to materialize between them whenever Glimmer starts to get too close.

"Thanks, Sunshine," he mutters gratefully as the head to lunch. Clove winks at him sneakily and smirks.

"No problem Superstar," she says under her breath. He smiles despite himself.

When they arrive in the dining room Glimmer is sliding past Katniss again, her hand presses against Katniss' hip and the blonde smirks when Katniss turns red and looks very uncomfortable. Cato clenches his hand at his side and wonders what game Glimmer is playing. What does making Katniss uncomfortable have to do with anything?

"Don't," Clove says softly, her voice full of warning.

"I wasn't going to," he claims smoothly. They make their way to the table the Careers have lunch at and Cato sits down heavily, Clove sits down next to him, silently. The rest of the Careers eventually make their way over to the table, Glimmer sits down last.

She's facing Katniss' table and occasionally she winks or blows a kiss at the grey-eyed girl. Clove eventually gets frustrated with the blonde's antics and slams her hands down on the table, everyone's eyes jump to her, but she keeps her murky green eyes locked on Glimmer's bright ones.

"What are doing, Blondie?" Clove asks with a sardonic grin. Glimmer giggles and tosses her golden hair over her should, and for a second all Cato swears it's matted with Katniss' blood. It isn't.

"I'm just having a little fun, silly," Glimmer claims innocently, rolling her eyes at Clove. But then she leans in, her face seductive. "Besides, she's awfully pretty," the blonde purrs naughtily and Cato thinks of the way she kissed Katniss in his nightmare. "What's the harm in a little flirting?" Glimmer finishes with a giggle. Clove rolls her eyes at Glimmer.

"Whatever Blondie, just don't get too attached to her," Clove sneers. And Glimmer tosses her head back to full out laugh. A chill runs down Cato's spine, because her laugh sounds exactly like it did in his nightmare.

"I won't. It's just a game, everything is just a game," Glimmer says with a vicious smile.

* * *

><p>Cato's private training session goes well. The Gamemakers are very impressed with him, and he feels confident that he'll score well. He waits for Clove on the couch and when she comes in she grins at him. Brutus walks in and sees them.<p>

"Oh good, you're here," he says briskly. "I just thought I should tell you that Haymitch will be visiting tonight, we have a lot to discuss," he tells them and Cato knows that it's time to discuss the plan for in the arena. They both nod at him and he leaves them on the couch, wondering what brilliant plan Haymitch has up his sleeves.

"Hope Kat does all right," Clove says casually.

"She'll do great," Cato says resolutely. Clove nods and they lay there in silence until it's time for dinner.

They eat dinner quickly, both of them eager to see their training scores, and curious about everyone else's. Enobaria quietly informs them that if they get less than a nine, they're dead to her. Brutus winks at them and Cato tries not to laugh.

They settle on the couch and wait for their scores to be shown. Marvel gets a nine, no surprise there. Glimmer gets a ten and Cato and Clove exchange an uneasy glance. Cato's picture is shown first. A ten flashes on the screen. Enobaria smiles grudgingly and Brutus claps him on the back. Clove bumps his shoulder and grins at him.

"Way to go, Superstar," she says warmly. Clove's picture appears on screen, a matching ten flashes on the screen. Enobaria gives the same grudging smile and Brutus messes up Clove's hair. Cato returns her earlier shoulder bump.

"Not bad yourself, Sunshine," Cato says teasingly and Clove rolls her eyes at him. She turns back to the screen to watch.

The kids from District 3 get matching sixes. The girl from District 4 snags a nine, and the boy gets an eight. The sly girl from District five gets a seven. The boy from District ten gets a three, Clove's fingernails cut into Cato's arm. The massive male from District 11 gets a ten. His petite partner amazingly gets a seven.

It's finally time for District 12. Peeta gets an impressive eight. Clove raises her eyebrow and glances at Cato, he returns the look. A pleasant surprise. The kid isn't totally useless after all. Katniss' face appears at last. A moment passes. Then an eleven flashes on the screen. Cato holds back his grin and Clove bits her lip, her eyes mischievous. Brutus' face shines with pride. Enobaria raises an eyebrow silently.

"Well, looks like you two have some competition. I'm going to congratulate Cashmere on her tribute's score," Enobaria says nonchalantly as she rises from her seat. The escort follows her out, chattering about how she needed her beauty sleep.

"Well done, little bird," Brutus says when they're gone. Clove nods her head in agreement.

"I wonder what Kat did," Cato asks with a ridiculous grin. He knows that it meant that the other Careers will be targeting her, but he's just so damn proud of her that he doesn't care at the moment.

"Probably something reckless and stupid, you know Kat," Clove says with a fond smile. Cato nods his head and Brutus snorts.

"All right, well Haymitch will be here later, so we can ask him then, I'm sure he knows," Brutus says with a smile. Cato is suddenly very impatient for him to arrive. But he knows that Haymitch has to wait for Katniss to go to sleep as well as District 12's escort. Cato leans back into the cushions on the couch, and Clove tosses her legs over Cato's leaning against the armrest. They make themselves comfortable, ready to wait for Haymitch's arrival.

* * *

><p>When Haymitch arrives he's not alone. Bread boy is trailing just behind him, his face troubled. Brutus rises from his seat and greets Haymitch grimly. Cato doesn't move from his place on the couch. Clove licks her bottom lip lazily and rises from her spot next to Cato. She makes her way to the dining room silently. Cato raises an eyebrow at Haymitch. The younger boy shifts his weight from foot to foot nervously.<p>

"Relax kids, he wants to help," Haymitch says as he rolls his eyes at his hostility.

"Well in that case, welcome to our humble abode kid," Cato drawls. Bread boy nods his head cautiously. Clove glides back into the room, a glass of liquor in her hand. She hands it to Haymitch silently and Haymitch nods his thanks. Clove perches herself on the arm of a chair in the corner and raises her eyebrow at Cato, flicking her eyes over to Peeta.

"He's here to help," Cato tells her with a taunting smirk. Clove tosses her head back and laughs at this.

"Aw, how cute," Clove coos sarcastically and Peeta turns red.

"Cut it out demon-children," Brutus tells them sternly and they both stop their teasing quickly, refusing to look at each other, knowing that the sight of one another would make them laugh. "Ignore them, they're only nice to Katniss," Brutus says to Peeta and he nods, still not speaking.

"I resent that statement. I'm nice to Cato, and to Cato's mother. And I haven't ripped Blondie's head off yet. I would say I'm very nice," Clove retorts quickly and Cato nods.

"This is true, she's the nice one, and I'm the one who's only nice to Kat," Cato says and then flashes his canines maniacally. Brutus rolls his eyes at their antics.

"Cato, you're scaring him," Brutus scolds and Haymitch snorts. "Now lets get back on topic, take a seat Haymitch, you too kid," Brutus says, addressing their guests. Haymitch collapses into the armchair next to Clove and across from Brutus, while Peeta sits in the love seat, far away from Cato who has moved from his spot on the couch to sit in the chair that Clove was perched on the arm of.

"All right before you get into technicalities and strategies, we would really like to know what Kat did to get an 11," Cato says with a grin, Clove nods her head in agreement. Haymitch laughs and tells them how Katniss' temper got the better of her and she shot an arrow at the Gamemakers, pinning the apple from their roast pig to the wall. Cato and Clove laugh loudly at this and Cato has never been so proud of his girl.

"I wish I was there," Clove says her eyes shining with pride. Cato nods his head in agreement. "In fact, I think Cato should congratulate her on her impressive display," Clove says, her eyes twinkling naughtily. Peeta chokes on his tongue and Brutus glares at Clove who just laughs.

"Not the time or place for those types of comments, Sunshine," Cato says, although he privately agrees with her. Haymitch nods his head in agreement but just smirks.

"Not like you weren't thinking it, Superstar," She mutters under her breath and Cato doesn't deny it. Brutus rolls his eyes at her.

"Anyway, Haymitch, would you mind explaining Katniss' approach?" Brutus asks, doing his best to ignore Clove's giggling. She stops as soon as Haymitch opens his mouth to respond.

"Well since Katniss isn't the best at lying, we decided that she would simply be herself," Haymitch says calmly and Peeta looks mildly confused. Clove smiles at Haymitch's words and nods.

"Brilliant," Cato says quietly and Brutus nods in agreement. Peeta still looks confused and Clove rolls her eyes at him.

"Hey bread boy, you're in love with her right?" she asks bluntly and the younger boy turns red. Clove sighs at his spluttering. "Right," she answers for him. "So since you've been mooning over her for forever, you might have noticed she's sort of fucking amazing, right?" she continues impatiently and the blonde boy nods slowly.

"Yeah well, I'm sure all citizens of the Capitol will find her just as amazing, and fascinating. She doesn't need some angle, she's fucking perfect the way she is," Clove says flatly and Peeta nods his agreement, finally understanding Katniss' approach. "Good," she says flatly and turns to Haymitch who wears a bemused smile on his face.

"You told her to work Madge into it right?" Clove asks as she ignores Cato's proud smile.

"Yes I did, Madge's reaction to Katniss' volunteering was pure gold," Haymitch says, all business.

"Not to mention the way she was holding Katniss up when Prim's name was called," Cato adds and Haymitch nods his head in agreement.

"Right, it was beautiful," Haymitch agrees. "Now, we know you guys are teaming up with the other Careers, and will act as if you do not know Katniss, but it would be helpful to know how you plan to act in the interviews," Haymitch explains and they nod in understanding.

"I'll be witty and dangerous," Clove says with a smirk, fluttering her eyes jokingly.

"And I'll be a deadly killing machine, intent on winning the games, confident in my abilities to do so," Cato says with a sardonic smile.

"Right, makes sense," Haymitch says with a nod. "So Cinna has informed me that Katniss will be wearing flames of some sorts tomorrow, so clearly we are playing up the whole 'Girl on Fire' thing. And Peeta and I have come up with a little surprise to keep the audience hooked," Haymitch explains briskly. Cato's smirk and Clove's smile speak volumes of their approval.

"Kat is most definitely on fire," Cato says with a fond grin, he doesn't bother asking about the surprise, he knows Haymitch won't tell them.

"I couldn't agree more," Clove purrs, her eyes suddenly acidic. "Finally someone strong enough to burn this forsaken world to the ground," she says with a small half-smile. Cato tenses at her tone and looks up at her warily. She springs off of her perch suddenly and goes to lean against the wall, staring out the window. Everyone is silent, waiting for her demons to pass. Then bread boy opens his big mouth and says something really dumb.

"You don't have to pretend like you don't care." The words are barely out of the younger boy's mouth when he realizes his mistake. Clove turns towards him, her green eyes dark and lethal, she slowly walks towards him, speaking slowly, her voice absolutely acidic.

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear, I am not doing this because I care, or because I'm a good person, or whatever cute little story you have cooked up in your innocent little mind," Clove hisses at him, her eyes flashing and voice cold as ice. No one makes a move to stop her.

"I'm not even doing this because my best friend loves her. I'm doing this for my father. I'm doing this for anyone who died because of this messed up world we live in," she explains, her voice deadly, and face blank. "I'm doing what my father couldn't, I'm trying my best to help bring about the world he died for," she hisses and Brutus finally tries to calm her.

"Clove we don't know if that's why-" Brutus begins but Clove whirls around to look over at him and cuts him off abruptly.

"Don't lie to me," she hisses and he quiets. "I might have been a child, but I knew exactly what he said. And I was certainly not stupid. I know what the words 'unfit government' and 'sick power play' mean," she says lowly and then she turns away, heading back to the window. The room is full of tense silence. When she speaks again, she sounds like she's a million miles away.

"He didn't believe, and he died for it," her voice is barely above a whisper and Cato's chest aches for her loss. "They all did," she whispers shakily. "They burned for his treasonous words. All of them, my beautiful mother, my older brother, the destroyed Victor, and my sweet baby brother, an infant, burned to the ground in a _tragic accident_," she is barely in control of her voice, and the grief laced through every word lays across Cato's chest heavily. She doesn't often talk about her tragedy.

"And me, the only survivor of the fire, the only one the Peacekeepers could get to," she says, her voice mocking. "But we all know why I lived, my father's final punishment, his precious little daughter, the Career. How poetic," she spits out, she turns to face them and her eyes are full of Katniss' fire.

"So no, I am not doing this because I am a good person, I'm doing this because she is the one who can give me justice." Clove's voice nears hysterics and Cato stares at his best friend, he had only ever seen glimpses of the rage and anguish buried in her soul, but the way it spilled out of her every word made him realize why Glimmer scared him so much. The fury in the blonde girl's eyes matched the fury in his best friend's eyes. The two girls were mirror images of destroyed, wrecked little girls, with no hope of being fixed.

"I have no one left. Dying isn't hard when you have nothing left to live for," Clove concludes bitterly, her eyes dead of any emotions. She moves to sit back on the arm of Cato's chair, and Cato silently puts his hand on her lower back. She glances at him and nods softly, acknowledging his support.

"I think it's time for us to go," Haymitch says quietly and Peeta rises to follow. Brutus walks them out and Cato simply keeps his hand on Clove's back, tethering them together, acknowledging her loss, and silently telling her that he's not gone yet.


	11. Unbroken Rules

**Unbroken Rules**

"_I'll seek you out,_

_Flay you alive_

_One more word and you won't survive_

_And I'm not scared of your stolen power_

_See right through you any hour_

_I won't soothe your pain_

_I won't ease your strain_

_You'll be waiting in vain_

_I got nothing for you to gain_

_I'm taking it slow_

_Feeding my flame_

_Shuffling the cards of your game_

_And just in time_

_In the right place_

_Suddenly I will play my ace….."_

_-Blue Foundation_

"_Eyes on Fire"_

Glimmer is by no means the silly vapid girl she pretends to be. She plays dumb very well, but she's been playing her part since she was thirteen years old, she's had five years of practice, and nothing is going to stop her from playing it now. Even if she's finally got what she's always wanted.

Cashmere's been her mentor since she was eight-years-old, and the older blonde taught her the rules faithfully. When she was little, Cashmere would pull her into her lap and brush her fingers through her hair as she carefully recited to rules.

Rule number one; always smile like the world depends on it. Rule number two; giggle a lot, people find it endearing, or at the very least, it makes you seem vapid. Rule number three; do whatever they want, even if you don't want to. Rule number four; don't ever let them see you break. Rule number five; don't ever let them see your anger. And rule number six; don't fail, ever.

Glimmer learns the meaning of these rules when she turns thirteen.

She's always been a very pretty girl; it's her defining characteristic. But her body changes drastically when she turns thirteen. She shoots up five inches practically over night, and her body is suddenly a temple of dramatic curves and silken skin. She looks like a woman, but her face is still a child's, soft and innocent. It doesn't stop the lust-filled glances and wandering hands.

She learns exactly what Cashmere meant by rule number three, two months after her thirteenth birthday. She's walking home from training, hurrying; her mother is heavily pregnant and could go into labor any day. She decides to take a short cut, through a dark alley. (She should've gone the long way.)

There's an off duty peacekeeper, and he's been drinking. She stops when she sees him. She's about to turn around when he looks up. He's handsome, and probably the same age as her father. He takes her in slowly, his eyes lingering on her long legs and full breasts. When he looks her in the eyes, he smirks. She contemplates running, but she doesn't know how. They don't teach Careers how to run away, they teach them how to fight. Glimmer doesn't have any fight left in her. So she follows the rules. Rule number three, do whatever they want, even if you don't want to.

She doesn't want to. He does. Cashmere taught her never to break the rules. So Glimmer doesn't run. And he drops the bottle, it shatters, he walks towards her.

"Good girl." He says as he grabs her by the back of the neck roughly. She doesn't say a word. But she hates him the entire time, hates Cashmere, hates her mother, hates her father, hates the Capitol, hates her unborn sibling, hates President Snow, hates the Hunger Games, hates Career training, Hates herself, she just hates everything. And from that point on, she never stops.

And when she limps home, her innocence gone, she knows that the only thing that will ever sate her hatred is blood; the blood of the world on her hands. It's the only thing that could ever make her whole again. The Hunger Games become her dream. If she can just make it to them, if she can just go in, and tear the world apart, then maybe she can be whole and happy again. She never thinks about winning. She only thinks about killing. She only thinks about the blood of innocent children; because she was innocent once too. And innocence must be paid with innocence.

When she arrives at her house, her father is seated at the kitchen table, a drink in his hand. The house is deadly quiet. He looks up at her once, not really seeing her. He takes no notice of her split lip, the bruises forming on her wrists, or even her torn skirt. He simply turns his head away from her and goes back to drinking.

"Your mother's dead, Beauty." The nickname falls from his lips easily. "You have a little sister." Glimmer doesn't say a word as her world crumbles.

"What's her name?" she asks numbly. He snorts.

"She doesn't have one," he responds. Neither of them speak after that. Glimmer stands in the doorway, waiting for her father to say something. He doesn't. She goes into her parents' bedroom. Her mother's body is still on the bed, covered in a white sheet. A midwife is holding her newborn sister. Glimmer looks at the woman with heavy green eyes. The woman looks back, observing her pale skin and split lip.

"Leave," is all Glimmer says to the woman who sees too much. The woman tears her eyes away from the hand-shaped bruise on Glimmer's exposed thigh and silently puts Glimmer's new little sister down in the crib; she exits the room. Glimmer pulls the sheet off her mother's still warm body. She crawls in next to her unmoving body and lays there, her fingers tangled in her mother's long golden curls. Her baby sister coos from the crib. Her mother's corpse doesn't respond to it. And the tears Glimmer's been holding back finally begin to fall, hot and fast.

She stays there all night, curled up next her mother's body. When the sun begins to rise she silently sits up and reverently covers her mother's body with the sheet. The baby gurgles in the crib, and Glimmer finally acknowledges her. She scoops her out of her crib and really looks at her. She has soft downy blonde hair, just like Glimmer and their mother, and big blue-green eyes. She purses her tiny baby lips and blows. Glimmer doesn't feel a thing.

"Deyanira. That is your name," Glimmer tells the girl with an acidic smile. Deyanira coos at her sister, oblivious of her hatred. "Since you brought such destruction with you little one, I want to make sure you never forget what you are capable of, what we all are," Glimmer coos, her voice raw. She cradles her sister to her chest and with one last glance at her mother's covered body she leaves the room to search for her father.

She eventually realizes her father is much too drunk to do anything, so she finds a woman nearby who had just lost her newborn and is willing to nurse Deyanira. Glimmer plans her mother's funeral with a numb heart and awakes at dawn to dress her father. She's thirteen years old, and she is all grown up. She lost her mother and her innocence in one fell swoop. Her father might as well be gone too as all he does is drink.

And then one night, he's so drunk that he thinks she's her mother, and he takes her against the door. She doesn't say a word. Rule number three applies to family as well. He doesn't remember in the morning. She doesn't have the heart to tell him. She goes entirely numb after that. The only thing that is left is her lust for blood and endless anger and hatred.

She focuses all her attention on training. She has to be the best in her class, so that when it comes time for deliberation, she will be the only choice. And when little Deyanira is five, she is finally chosen. She will volunteer to go into the games; she will finally get to feel the slippery blood of her victims on her hands.

When she volunteers, her only friend Celosia brings in little Deyanira, who crawls into her lap and weeps. Celosia takes a seat across from her, looking down at her lap to give them a bit of privacy. Her deep red hair falls like a flames around her pale face. Deyanira weeps loudly, although the little thing can't really understand what's going on, but she knows that her 'Glim' will be leaving her. Glim rubs her little sister's back and looks at Celosia silently. Glimmer can feel it in her bones. She's not coming back.

"Take care of her," Glimmer requests heavily. Deyanira's chubby arms hold onto her neck tightly, constricting her. The redhead holds her gaze for a moment, and at last nods slowly, understanding Glimmer's real meaning. _Don't let her become like me._

"Of course I will, Glimmer," Celosia says softly, keeping her amber eyes firmly on Glimmer's green ones. Glimmer nods her thanks. She pulls Deyanira out of her neck and forces her sobbing sister to look at her. Glimmer studies her small face for a moment. It's damp and red from her continuous tears, but she's just as beautiful as their mother. There's almost no hint of their father in the small girl. She takes hold of Deyanira's tiny face and looks her in the eyes, speaking slowly, and hoping that she'll remember what she says.

"Deyanira is no longer your name, do you understand?" Glimmer says seriously. Deyanira looks up at her, her face a mask of puzzlement. "You are not Deyanira, and I was wrong to name you that," Glimmer tells her solemnly, but her little sister does not understand. "You are Aurora," she whispers fiercely. "I, I am Deyanira," Glimmer chokes out. She strokes the small girl's cheek with her thumb and tries to find a way to explain herself in a way that the small girl will never forget.

"I am the darkness, the darkest of all darkness, and you are the dawn," Glimmer says slowly, her voice gaining power. "I come before you, and destroy everything in my path, but you are the new fresh beginning, you are the hope," Glimmer says in a voice full of love, because for a moment she allows herself to feel. "You are Aurora, and I love you, little one," Glimmer whispers as she presses a kiss to Aurora's forehead. When she straightens up, Aurora takes Glimmer's face in her tiny hands, mimicking her earlier gesture.

"Don't leave me Glim," Aurora lisps. Glimmer doesn't reply. But something deep in her deadened heart aches for her little sister who will soon only have a drunken father and her deceased sister's only friend as her family. Celosia scoops little Aurora up, who kicks and screams for her Glim. They leave, and Glimmer is alone.

* * *

><p>The train platform is a sea of cameras, and Glimmer smiles sexily at them all, blinking her big green eyes slowly, and blowing kisses seductively, giggling occasionally. Her district partner, Marvel, smiles goofily, and charmingly helps her onto the train; she makes a show of taking his hand, and blushes coyly whilst slyly looking up at him through her lashes. Their escort and mentors are already on the train, waiting for them to finish their photo-op.<p>

Once they're safely on the train, Marvel goes back to being his irritating self.

"You know, you almost had me fooled with the come-hither stare, Glim, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you like me," Marvel says to her back with an arrogant grin. She twirls around, latching onto his wrist with her thin, strong fingers and has his arm bent at an awkward angle behind his back so fast he's still grinning when she leans her weight onto his arm. His arrogant grin slides off his face quickly as Glimmer increases the pressure on his arm and he whimpers in pain.

"Don't ever call me that again," she says sedately as she looks down at him through heavy lashes. He nods his head quickly and she's tempted to break his arm anyway, but she releases him grudgingly, momentarily satisfied. "Good, I'm glad we had this chat," she coos sweetly, as she flutters her long lashes at him and plays with the hem of her dress. He blinks at her sudden mood swings, and she bites her lip innocently. She pivots on her heel and heads towards where she believes Cashmere's room to be.

"Crazy bitch," he mutters from behind her. Glimmer considers turning around and fucking with his head again, but she decides against it. She has plenty of time to fuck with him, and everyone else she's up against. She keeps walking.

She reaches the door she believes is Cashmere's room, and knocks quietly. A quiet "enter" resounds through the wooden door, and Glimmer opens the door. Cashmere raises her head and arches a perfect eyebrow at the younger girl. The older girl is sprawled elegantly on her bed, her chin propped on her folder hands.

"Well, I see you survived Marvel and the Cameras. Congratulations 'Mer, you've done well so far," Cashmere says with a pleased smile. Glimmer smiles back at her and perches at the end of the bed.

"Thank you 'Mere-a, you taught me well," Glimmer says softly and the older blonde smiles at her affectionately.

"Don't thank me just yet, you still have to make a lasting impression with the rest of the Capitol," Cashmere warns wisely. Glimmer smirks arrogantly.

"I have faith in what you taught me, 'Mere-a," Glimmer says confidently. Cashmere rolls her eyes at her lofty tone.

"Don't get too confident 'Mer. It will make you sloppy," Cashmere says wisely, and Glimmer nods solemnly. "Now, go to your room and take a nap before dinner, you need to look perfect when we get to the Capitol," Cashmere says briskly and Glimmer stands smoothly.

"Of course, 'Mere-a, I will see you at dinner," Glimmer says obediently as she turns to exit the room. Cashmere hums in response.

* * *

><p>After dinner they begin to watch the reapings and Gloss lazily reminds them to pay attention to their competition. Glimmer does.<p>

She watches herself volunteer, her husky voice rising just above the crowds' murmurings to declare her intentions. When she takes the stage, the announcers praise her beauty, her mane of blonde hair, carefully tamed by a crimson ribbon, her glittering green eyes, and tall, lush body. Her cream lace dress is gushed about as the height of fashion. Glimmer smiles with satisfaction, she made a lasting impression, her beauty never fails to gain notice.

Marvel's volunteering is shown, and then they move onto to District two, the girl is a dark, deadly, anomaly. Her eyes are dark jewels, and her auburn hair stands out against her pale skin.

"She's deadly," Glimmer murmurs and Marvel scoffs at her, but Glimmer knows she's right; it's in every single movement of the auburn-haired girl's body.

The auburn-haired girl's District partner is a massive blonde boy. His every motion reeks of brutality; he's a threat even Marvel couldn't ignore.

"Allies," Glimmer mutters to Marvel, not taking her eyes off the screen, and he mutters his consent. Despite their differences, they would become allies as all Careers did, and the District 2 tributes would be highly useful.

The girl from District 5 strikes Glimmer as far more of a threat than anyone could ever guess, The boy from 10 makes her sick to her stomach, he's the first she'll kill. She'll be quick about it, it will be painless. When a tiny mocha-skinned girl takes the stage in District 11, Glimmer bites her tongue until her mouth is full of blood, no one volunteers for her. Glimmer swallows the blood. A massive boy is her district partner and Marvel mutters a curse of astonishment under his breath.

It's District 12's turn, and Glimmer considers not watching, but she reminds herself that she must assess all of her competition, even if they don't stand a chance.

The pink-haired escort calls for a Primrose Everdeen. The crowd shifts. A tiny blonde girl begins walking forward, and Glimmer's heart plummets into her gut. The girl bears a startling resemblance to her own sister, her little Aurora, and it makes Glimmer's chest ache. This Primrose could be her sister in a few short years.

And then the camera seeks out a lovely dark-haired girl in the crowd, leaning against a beautiful blonde girl. It stays on her conflicted face for a moment, and then, the lovely dark-haired girl steps out of the blonde's embrace, whose face is deathly white, and raises her voice above the crowd.

"I volunteer!"

Glimmer wants her to win so bad her entire being aches.

When the girl steps on the stage and the pink-haired lady asks her name, she says in a low, musical voice, "Katniss Everdeen." Glimmer knows instantly that Primrose is her sister, and Glimmer's want for this girl to win increases.

Glimmers heart pounds and it whispers _she'll win, she'll win, she'll win! _with such ferociousness, she can't help but believe it. When the crowd stays silent, and salutes the dark-haired girl by pressing their three middle fingers of their left hands to their lips and then holding them out towards her, Glimmer knows without a doubt, no one will ever forget Katniss Everdeen. Her male district partner, a one Peeta Mellark, is fairly handsome, but altogether forgettable next to his breathtaking District partner.

"She'll be a bit of a problem," Cashmere mutters from across the room. Glimmer keeps her face blank and nods her head, even as her heart screams no. Katniss Everdeen will win, no matter what happens, or who is competing against her, she will win. She isn't the problem, she is the solution.

(A small, desperate part of her wants Katniss Everdeen to win because if one of them should go home to her sister, it's Katniss Everdeen. And because if Aurora's name was called, Glimmer can't honestly say she would volunteer. Katniss Everdeen is a better person than she'll ever be, and Glimmer knows it. She deserves to go home to her tiny blonde sister and the pretty blonder girl who looked like her heart shattered when Katniss Everdeen raised her voice for slaughter.)

* * *

><p>Katniss Everdeen becomes the Girl on Fire, and Glimmer wonders if the grey-eyed girl will be the one to kill her. It's after the Opening Ceremony, and Glimmer is out of her costume, sprawled on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, Katniss Everdeen's fiery entrance playing in her head on a constant loop.<p>

Would she bash her brains in with a rock? Would she impale her with a spear or slash her throat with a knife? Was the Girl on Fire even capable of causing any damage?

Glimmer thinks back to the skintight black unitard that Katniss had worn at the Opening Ceremony, and the smooth muscles that had shown through, particularly in her arms and legs. Yes, she could cause damage, but with what?

Glimmer realizes with a pout that she will simply have to wait until training to figure it out.

She suddenly remembers the way the boy from District 2 kept looking back at the Girl on Fire, and a slow smirk makes its way across her perfect face. She has a hunch what that's all about, but she just needs a little proof.

The games will be very interesting, indeed.

* * *

><p>It takes Glimmer approximately thirty seconds to realize that she hates Cato and his stupid little district partner.<p>

Cato is arrogant, and snide as hell, he doesn't play along with her flirting and his brutality reminds her of the Peacekeeper from the alley that dreadful day five years before. Clove is a sarcastic little bitch that reeks of sorrow and hatred. They make her sick.

She flirts with Cato because she's supposed to. She's fighting back a gag constantly and almost loses it when he doesn't get into the elevator with her and Marvel. She's following all the rules, but he won't play her game. She hates him.

* * *

><p>It takes her ten seconds to realize that Cato loves Katniss Everdeen. It takes her half that time to realize the grey-eyed girl's district partner is in love with her too.<p>

* * *

><p>When the elevator stops on their floor Marvel barrels out the elevator and into his room before Glimmer takes a single step. She dutifully heads towards her room to change and then to the main room to inform Cashmere about her training.<p>

A distinguished looking dark-haired man is seated on the sofa next to Cashmere. When Glimmer enters the room his eyes fix on her, raking appreciatively over her luscious form. Glimmer fights back tears as bile rises in her throat.

"Glimmer, your guest has been waiting very patiently to meet you," Cashmere says with a knowing smile. Glimmer composes herself sternly. Now was not the time for tears.

"I hope he wasn't waiting too long," Glimmer says softly, flicking her tongue over her top lip and smiling coyly.

"It was worth the wait," the dark-haired man says, his hungry eyes devouring her goddess-like form. Glimmer feels dirty and disgusting and she hates him.

She sits down next to him and looks up at him out of her lashes, forcing a blush into her cheeks. Cashmere stands to leave.

* * *

><p>She dreams of bloodshed.<p>

It's her private training session and she decapitates the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane.

It's her interview and she crawls across her chair and rips out Caesar Flickerman's throat.

She's in the dining room and she stabs Gloss in the back.

She in the launch room and she slits her stylist's throat.

She's in her kitchen and she beats her father to death with a pan.

She's in the alleyway and she's pounding her fist into the peacekeeper's skull and it's soft and mushy against her bloodied knuckles.

The bloodbath has begun and she cuts Marvel in half.

They're sitting up late at night, taking their watch for the Careers and she stabs Clove in the gut.

She has the redhead from District 5 by her hair and she pushes her underwater, holding her down until she stops struggling.

The little girl from District 11 is standing in front of her and she flickers between Aurora and little Primrose Everdeen. She thrusts her sword into her guts and she whimpers.

She bashes District 12's male's face into a rock.

Cato stalks her around the Cornucopia. She shoves her bare hand into his chest and rips out his heart.

She's on the train. She smothers Cashmere with a pillow.

She's at school. She pushes Celosia out of a window.

She's in the garden with her mother. She buries her alive in the garden bed.

And then she's face to face with Katniss Everdeen. She leans forward to taste the Girl on Fire's pretty pink mouth. Katniss thrusts a knife into the blonde's gut and Glimmer gasps at the deliciously life-like pain.

Glimmer awakens, calmer than she's been in weeks.

* * *

><p>The second day of training she flirts with Katniss Everdeen whenever she can. It makes the grey-eyed girl uncomfortable, infuriates Cato, confuses District 12's male tribute, pisses of Clove, and overall amuses Glimmer. It's the most fun she's had since the reaping.<p>

* * *

><p>There is a blonde-haired man waiting for her when she gets back from training. Cashmere didn't even bother to wait with him.<p>

Glimmer takes an unbearably hot shower afterwards and tries to feel something. She can't. She realizes becoming a victor is the last thing she wants.

* * *

><p>Glimmer discovers with delight that Cato is afraid of her on the third day. She blows a kiss to Katniss Everdeen and Clove loses it.<p>

Glimmer laughs at the girl's accusations and sweetly reminds her that their entire existence was just a game to the Capitol. They'd never be anything else. Not even the victors.

She decapitates a training dummy at her private training session, all the while never taking her eyes off of Seneca Crane's face or getting within ten feet of the dummy. The Gamemakers don't know if they should fear her or admire her. They try their best to feel admiration, but fear wins out.

* * *

><p>When an eleven flashes across the Girl on Fire's face Marvel throws a vase at a mirror and stalks out of the room. Glimmer sits on the couch and holds back a smirk. She knew the dark-haired girl had it in her.<p>

A grey-haired man is waiting in her bedroom.

She sends an Avox for fresh sheets afterwards and sleeps in the bathtub.

* * *

><p>The next morning Cashmere tells her to act sexy and flirtatious in her interview and then leaves to socialize with Enobaria. Glimmer goes back to sleep and is woken up at five by Marvel, who tells her it's time for dinner. She orders food in her room and eat there. She goes back to sleep at eight.<p>

* * *

><p>Glimmer's prep team wakes her at sunrise and shoves her into the shower. They poke and prod at her until late in the afternoon. They paint her nails to shine gold and silver with every movement. Her hair is pulled back into a twisted mass of gold, and then the bottom half of it is left to trail down her back like bits of living gold. They weave diamonds into the complicated knot that rests on the base of her skull.<p>

Her eyes are illuminated with golds and whites, and a green as fresh as celery, and then rimmed in liquid silver. They paint her mouth rosebud pink and then cover her skin in gold and ivory powder until she glows like a goddess of old.

When her stylist presents Glimmer her dress, she tries not to cry. It is nothing but golden gossamer encrusted with jewels. It's see-through and Glimmer feels more like a common whore than ever before.

She tells her stylist it's perfect, because it is. For what she has to be, it's perfect. Her stylist beams and helps her step into it, cooing over her golden beauty. Glimmer feels bile rise to her throat, and she imagines killing them all. Her head stops spinning and she feels much better.

She meets Cashmere and Marvel and all the rest of their team at the elevator, Marvel examines her hungrily and Cashmere pronounces her stylist a genius. Glimmer hopes the Girl on Fire looks better than she does.

* * *

><p>She does. Katniss Everdeen is radiant. She looks like fire and sin and Glimmer watches as all the tributes steal glances at the Girl on Fire. Cato has trouble keeping his eyes off of her and Clove's face is full of a strange pride.<p>

Peeta Mellark stares at Katniss openly, but Katniss is oblivious. Marvel's face is full of lust as he rakes his eyes across the grey-eyed girl's exposed collarbone. Glimmer pulls him into a conversation full of flirtatious phrases before Cato notices.

When Cato and Katniss both disappear, Glimmer waits for Katniss' stylist to leave before she slips off to follow him. He finds them just like she expected he would, and he watches in awe as Katniss and Cato whisper their heartbreaking goodbyes to one another.

Glimmer finds that in this moment she doesn't hate Cato, but rather pities him, he loves Katniss Everdeen and he is going to die for her. Glimmer loves her little sister, and knows the little girl is better off without her. They aren't so different. Except maybe, Cato is a good person after all. Not like her.

Glimmer leaves because their talk of another world makes her want to puke or cry. But really because in another world her mother would be alive and she would've never taken that shortcut or named her sister Deyanira or volunteered for the Hunger Games because there wouldn't be a Hunger Games.

Glimmer thinks another world sounds beautiful but she doesn't let herself think of it too much because she has to die and there is nothing she can do about except win but that would be a fate worse than death because she's already a whore, and she can't imagine being the Capitol's permanent whore like Cashmere and Gloss and Finnick Odair.

When she takes her seat again she notices Peeta Mellark looking down at his hands, his face heavy with uncertainty. She files that away for future reference and goes back to flirting with Marvel.

* * *

><p>She has the entire Capitol salivating over her when Caesar asks her about her family.<p>

"I have a little sister and a lovely father," Glimmer answers with a syrupy smile, trying to hide her surprise. Careers usually weren't asked about things like family.

"Oh, how old is your sister?" Caesar asks and Glimmer wonders what his game is.

"She's five," Glimmer answers, her husky voice full of just enough affection.

"How precious! And her name?" Caesar asks, his eyes eager, but empty of any malicious intent.

"Aurora," Glimmer almost whispers, her emotions almost creeping to the surface as she imagines her baby sister, with her tiny upturned face and big blue-green eyes.

"You sound very happy talking about her," Caesar observes and Glimmer almost smiles for real.

"I love her more than anything," Glimmer says, completely honest for once.

"I'll bet she is very proud of her big sister," Caesar says with a hearty laugh. The audience joins in and Glimmer smiles brightly, as she dies on the inside. Her sister should be anything but proud of her bloodthirsty, ruined, heartless, older sister.

"I'm sure she is," Glimmer murmurs as the bell rings, indicating that her time is up. Glimmer glides off the stage to a thunderous applause and takes a seat as Marvel strides onto stage. She hopes Aurora never remembers the image of her older sister in a see-through gown, flirting with an audience of hundreds.

* * *

><p>Clove is equal parts charming and terrifying. Glimmer watches as the audiences eats up the auburn-haired girl's bad girl act. When Caesar asks Clove how she intends to win, the girl answers with an acidic smile and a bubbling giggle.<p>

"I can't tell you that, silly! You just have to wait and see," Clove says with a flick of her wrist and a dark smile. Caesar laughs and the bell rings. Clove floats off the stage and jabs her finger into Cato's side as he walks by; he swerves and glares at Clove, who just smirks cheekily back at him.

Cato's heartless killing-machine act is so convincing, Glimmer almost believes him. But then she remembers his hand intertwined with a grey-eyed girl's and the desperate look in his eye as he says his goodbyes to the girl he loves. She finds that she feels nothing but pity for him.

* * *

><p>It's finally Katniss Everdeen's turn, and Glimmer sits up straight, giving the Girl on Fire her full attention. The audience roars louder for her than for any of the other tributes. Glimmer agrees immensely.<p>

Caesar compliments Katniss on her dress, and the dark-haired girl spins for him. Fire seems to lick up Katniss' body, and she becomes a blur of fire and shimmery gold and shadows.

"So Katniss, tell me about the divine looking blonde girl who was standing with you on the day of the reaping," Caesar says and Glimmer sees a flash of the blood-drained face of the blonde girl.

"Her name is Madge. She's my best friend, our mothers were friends when they were young, in fact," Katniss says in her musical voice, a fond smile flashing across her fiery mouth. The audience is silent and captivated.

"You seem very close, she was obviously very distressed when you volunteered," Caesar observes gently. Katniss' smile fades slightly and she looks down at her hands, twisting them slightly.

"Yes, yes we are. I-I suppose she was rather distressed, but she understands why I had to volunteer," Katniss says with a certainty that Glimmer envies.

"Ah, yes, you're sister. Tell us about her," Caesar says softly, in a persuasive voice. Katniss shifts in her seat and glances over at her stylist. He nods his head ever so slightly.

"Her name is Prim, she's twelve, and I love her more than anyone else in the entire world," Katniss says and Glimmer suddenly understand Caesar's purpose in asking about her own little sister.

"Well I guess you and Glimmer have that in common!" Caesar says with a happy laugh and the audience shrieks their approval. Glimmer hates Caesar Flickerman in that moment. She's nothing like Katniss Everdeen.

Glimmer's evil and bitter and Katniss' good and sweet. They're nothing alike and Caesar has no right to attempt to lump them together as a pair. And if Glimmer's reading Katniss' underlying emotions correctly, the other girl's just as horrified at his words. The bell rings and Katniss Everdeen walks off the stage.

Peeta Mellark is funny and charming, and Glimmer has fun listening to his witty banter with Caesar Flickerman.

When Caesar asks about the girl who owns his heart and Peeta reluctantly says because she came here with me Glimmer instantly thinks of his uncertain face before the interviews began. So that's what he was reluctant to reveal. It was no doubt a brilliant idea thought up by their mentor, and the fact that it was true made it even more alluring.

Glimmer wonders who will freak out more, Katniss or Cato. She has her money on Cato, but she's sure she won't have a chance to witness it.

* * *

><p>Glimmer slides into the elevator with Katniss and pushes the button so that it closes before anyone else can get in. Katniss leans against the railing and heaves deep breaths as she stares at the ceiling.<p>

"I know you hate me, but trust me when I say you should play along with Mellark. It's a rather flawless approach to the games," Glimmer says casually, not bothering to look at Katniss. The grey-eyed girl startles at her words and stares at the blonde. Glimmer turns her head and bright green eyes meet stormy grey.

"What's it to you?" Katniss says with a hint of a snarl that clashed with her musical voice. Glimmer rolls her eyes at the other girl's venom.

"Look, I get that you love Cato or whatever, but if the Capitol discovers your love, you are doomed, so just play along with pretty boy's plan, and forget about your silly little plan to save Cato," Glimmer advises. Katniss' face drains of all color and Glimmer realizes that revealing her awareness of the younger girl's relationship with Cato might not have been the best approach.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Katniss scoffs and Glimmer allows herself a moment to think that the younger girl is adorable before she heaves a sigh and leans against the elevator.

"Give it up, honey, he can't keep his eyes off of you for too long, and you gravitate towards him constantly," Glimmer explains and then she leans in a little, her eyes bright and mischievous. "And, I might have seen you and him in the hallway earlier," Glimmer adds carelessly as an afterthought. Katniss turns cherry red and splutters incoherently for a moment.

"You're crazy!" Katniss declares at last, avoiding Glimmer's gaze.

"That's beside the point, honey," Glimmer claims, waving away the dark-haired girl's obvious accusation. "I'm just here to remind you that almost every tribute wants to kill Cato, and I honestly think he doesn't want to be saved. Do yourself a favor, save yourself and go home to your little sister and pretty best friend. They need you," Glimmer advises smoothly. Katniss blinks away tears of frustration and confusion and Glimmer feels the urge to wipe away the younger girl's tears. She refrains.

"No," Katniss says firmly. Glimmer blinks at her, not surprised. "I have to save him, and no arrogant Career is going to change my mind," Katniss declares, her jaw clenched fiercely. Glimmer observes her silently for a moment.

"You're selfish," Glimmer calmly states, all the while realizing that the girl in front of her was in fact flawed. The younger girl blanches at her statement. "I was selfish once too. You'll destroy yourself that way," Glimmer explains quietly. "You are already marked as a victor, and you should get used to it. The odds are in your favor, Girl on Fire," Glimmer says, and the doors open, Katniss stands and stares at her for a moment, and then steps out.

"Why are you trying to help me?" Katniss asks softly. Don't you want to win?" Glimmer smiles at her.

"I already did. The only thing I've ever wanted is a chance to kill people," Glimmer admits. Katniss flinches at her admission. "Good night, Girl on Fire. See you in the arena." The doors close and Glimmer rides the elevator back down to her floor.

There's a brown-haired man waiting for her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Name meanings: Celosia-aflame (hence her flaming red hair and amber eyes.)<strong>

**Deyanira-destruction (hence Glimmer claiming herself to be "Deyanira".)**

**Aurora-dawn (hence Glimmer's little speech about herself being the darkness before the dawn.)**


	12. The Singing of a Lullaby

**The Singing of a Lullaby**

"_Oh don't you remember a long time ago,_

_Three poor little babes, their names I don't know,_

_Were stolen away, one bright summer day_**,**

_And lost in the woods I've heard people say._

_And when it was night, so sad their plight,_

_The moon had gone down, the stars gave no light,_

_They sobbed and they cried, they bitterly cried_

_Then the poor little babes they laid down and died._

_And when they were dead, the robins so red,_

_Brought strawberry leaves, and over them spread,_

_And sang them a song the whole night long,_

_Poor babes in the wood who never did wrong."_

_-"Babes in the Woods"_

Katniss isn't proud of how she reacted to Peeta's confession. She shouldn't have pushed him, and she hates to admit it, but Glimmer was entirely right, it is a flawless approach to the games. But the anger that had built up under her skin, and the confusion leftover from her talk with the blonde tribute had gotten to her, and she had exploded into a raging beast out for blood. And blood is exactly what she got.

Later as she lay sprawled on her bed, she stares into space. Her bejeweled gown digs into her skin and the thick makeup feels heavy and suffocating. The pins that hold her elaborate hairstyle dig into her skull. She has no energy to move. Tears slid down her cheeks and her body shakes.

She wants someone to hold her. Someone to pull her into their arms and just hold her. She wishes her father were there. She wants her father to wrap her up in a hug that smelt of coal and the forest and peppermint. She wants a hug that made her feel like a child again, small and safe wrapped her father's arms. She can still remember the steady beat of his heart and his voice singing loud and beautiful, deep in the forest. But her father is gone. And she has to face her death alone.

When her tears begin to dry and her body no longer shakes with the effort to silence them the Avox girl came. She opens the door silently and slides in without a sound. Katniss is not aware of her presence until a soft warm hand pulls her up and off her bed towards the bathroom.

"I can do it myself," Katniss protests weakly as the older girl wets a washcloth and begins to wipe the make-up and tears from her face. The girl fixes her with a motherly look and Katniss is silenced. The redheaded girl gently turns her around and unzips the dress. Katniss lets out a sigh as her body expands, free from its constraints. Katniss slides to the floor as the Avox girl busies herself with drawing a bath.

Katniss folds into herself and wraps her arms around herself. She feels the Avox girl take a seat beside her. Katniss turns to look at her, studying her pale face. The Avox girl returns her gaze steadily, waiting.

"I don't even know your name," Katniss admits lowly. The Avox girl nods her head and pushed herself to stand. She looks down at Katniss and offers her a hand. Katniss takes it and allows herself to be pulled up and led to the bath. The Avox girl gestures with her hand towards the bath, and Katniss nods her head in understanding. The Avox girl leaves and Katniss finishes undressing before she climbs into the bath, sighing at the heat.

* * *

><p>When she finally exits the bathroom, she finds a soft nightgown left on the bed, with a small piece of paper placed on top of it. In careful, elegant cursive a single word is written.<p>

_Lavinia._

* * *

><p>Katniss stares out the window, dressed in the soft nightgown Lavinia had laid out for her. A knock startles her from her revere.<p>

"Come in," she calls out. The door opens to reveal a silent Clove.

"Can I-" the older girl begins uncomfortably not used to asking for things. She's dressed in a shirt and shorts and her feet are bare. She looks vulnerable. Katniss spares her the discomfort of asking.

"Yes. Of course," Katniss says with a small smile. Clove looks relieved as she closes the door and makes her way to Katniss' bed. She crawls under the covers and Katniss turns off the lights. She can just make out the outline of Clove's face in the darkness. Katniss slides under the cover and tugs Clove closer. She wraps her arms around her.

Neither of them had ever touched each other much before this, but the feel of another body is oddly necessary before they are sent to kill, to fight, to die. Katniss raises her hand and absent-mindedly runs her hand through Clove's long auburn hair.

"I tried to get Cato to come with me, but he said he couldn't," Clove says into the darkness. Katniss continues to stroke her hair.

"I didn't think he would come, we already said goodbye," Katniss explains to the older girl. Clove shifts beside her.

"Oh," she utters softly. They lay beside one another in silence. Clove thinks back, Katniss thinks ahead. When it becomes clear that they won't be falling asleep any time soon, Clove asks Katniss to sing to her. Surprised, Katniss agrees. Without hesitation she begins.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings_

_Them true_

_Here is the place where I love you._

Clove's body relaxes next to her, and Katniss knows she is almost asleep. She continues to sing the words into the darkness. When she finishes the song, Clove's breathing is slow and rhythmic with sleep.

"I don't want you to die," Katniss whispers into the air. Clove shifts in her sleep.

* * *

><p>When Katniss is sure that Clove won't wake up she shifts out of the girl's embrace and slips out of the room and up to the roof. She needs to breathe before she suffocates. When she opens the door she sees a single silhouette against the darkness.<p>

"Peeta," she calls in a voice just loud enough to be heard over the wind. He turns to look at her and offers her a wary smile. She smiles uncertainly in return. She picks her way across the roof and sits across from him. They do not speak for the longest time.

"Peeta, I'm sorry for overreacting earlier, that was uncalled for," Katniss says at last. Peeta turns to look at her and smiles with warmth.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that," he says with a shrug. Katniss wonders why it was so hard for her to talk to him before, she could've thanked him for the bread. They could've been friends. But maybe it was for the best, after all, he had to die for Cato to live.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Peeta asks her and Katniss nods. "I wasn't just saying it for the sponsors, I really do love you," Peeta admits and all the air is sucked out of Katniss' lungs.

"I'm not expecting anything in return, I just felt like I needed to say it," Peeta clarifies quickly. When Katniss regains use of her lungs she finds that it is not nearly as horrifying as she had previously thought. It wasn't as if he was saying it with any expectations in return. He just wanted to say it. Katniss knew how nice it felt to tell someone that you love them. She couldn't fault him for wanting to feel something pleasant on the last day of his freedom.

"I don't want you to die," Katniss says for the second time that night, this time to a boy she grew up with. He nods his head and they do not speak again. Katniss thinks privately that she could've loved him, in another world where her and Cato don't know each other and there is no such thing as the Hunger Games, where her father is not dead and her heart is not closed off in an odd stilted way to the rest of the world. She doesn't tell him because hope and death have no place together.

He leaves with a quiet goodbye and Katniss wraps her arms around her waist and watches the city lights twinkle.

* * *

><p>Katniss lets herself think of home. She thinks of tiny Prim curled up against her in their bed. She thinks of Gale and the forest. She thinks of her mother and her nimble fingers. She thinks of Madge and her piano and her smile and her bravery. She thinks of her father. She thinks of Cato and the dandelion fluff in her hair the first time he told he loved her and she knows it's all worth it.<p>

If they had never met she wouldn't be sitting her saying goodbye to her memories, but she can't regret meeting him. She would die for him. She would do it all again even if she knew the consequences. Loving him was worth it. She doesn't mind dying so much because she had a chance to love.

* * *

><p>The door opens at about three in the morning and the female tribute from five comes out. Katniss watches as the girl walks towards her. She ponders how she could know about the roof, but then she remembers the girl's intelligence. The redhead smiles at her hesitantly. Katniss smiles back. She looks so very young in the moonlight, and no longer like a sly, clever fox.<p>

"Hello," she murmurs in greeting as she takes Peeta's long vacated seat. Katniss smiles with more warmth, she can't help it.

"Hello," she says back. They sit in relative silence and Katniss is vaguely amused by the events. She was getting all kinds of visitors tonight.

"My name is Marissa Finch," The girl says suddenly. Katniss looks at her. The girl stares at her with wide eyes. "I don't know why, but I wanted you to know that." Katniss nods.

"Katniss Everdeen," Katniss says in return. The girl smiles again.

"I know," she utters simply. "I tried to sleep, but I couldn't stop thinking about how it won't matter to anyone if I live or not and I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but I feel like I need to say it," Marissa speaks in a rapid, slightly hysteric voice. Katniss' heart aches for her.

"What about your family, your friends?" Katniss questions quietly. Marissa looks at her sadly.

"My parents are very- removed. I," she hesitates and looks down in shame. "I don't have friends." Katniss simply looks at her. Refusing to allow her head to process it.

"If we weren't about to go into a game where we are expected to fight to death, I would be your friend," Katniss declares gently. The girl smiles and Katniss decides her kindness is worth it. Foolish, but worth it.

"I would like that," Marissa admits in a small voice. Katniss stands up and moves to sit next to her.

"Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?" Katniss finds herself questioning. It was far beyond her comfort level, but who was she to deny the girl a friend on what could be the last night of her life. Marissa lays her head and Katniss' shoulder.

"Can you, can you sing me something?" Marissa asks tentatively. Katniss wonders how two so very different girls can want the same thing.

"Yes," is all Katniss says. She sings the lullaby for the second time that night.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings_

_Them true_

_Here is the place where I love you._

Marissa relaxes against her shoulder and Katniss' finishes the song again. Marissa sleeps and Katniss holds back the words that fight to fall out of her mouth again. She does not want her to die, but she will not admit it out loud. Weakness is one thing for a friend, but a different matter entirely for a stranger.

It's unlike Katniss to be so tender with someone she doesn't know, but there was a certain vulnerability about her that reminded her of Madge, and she can't deny her anything. Katniss leans against the cold stone of the building and lets Marissa sleep on her shoulder. When the sky begins to brighten, Katniss shakes her awake.

Marissa leaves first, without a single word. Katniss is glad for the silence. She watches the sun rise in the east and then goes down to her room to wait for Cinna. Clove is gone. Lavinia waits for her with her training clothes and Katniss silently allows her to dress her in them.

Cinna takes her to the launch room and coaxes food and water into her mouth. It all tastes the same. She puts on the clothes she'll wear in the arena and he helps her twist her hair into a tight braid. She touches Madge's mockingjay pin with a small smile.

"Good luck, girl on fire," Cinna utters, and he presses a kiss to her forehead. There's something in his voice that sounds off, a tremor, a hint of sadness and fear. Katniss hardly notices. She's breathing hard and regretting her hours without sleep. She's not ready for this.

She steps inside the tube. Time to go. Sixty seconds.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: For Foxface's name I simply used the two names that had been speculated as hers and put 'em together. Thus, Marissa Finch!<strong>


	13. Playing the Game

**AN: Sooooo. I rise again. A lot of things have happened in the last year. Like a lot. But the most important, is that my grandma's health drastically deteriorated, and for a while it was just me and her, so I had to take care of her and finish up my last year of high school. Sadly, my grandma passed away the same night I graduated. **

**Some of you know this, but for those who don't, my grandma actually used to help me with this story. She'd read the latest chapter and we'd discuss plot points, and I'd moan about difficulties and she'd suggest alternatives. Basically, it's been really hard working on this story, without her.**

**But it was time. So here I am, updating at last. I know it's been a while, but I hope you enjoy it. I want to thank you, all of you, for loving this story and reviewing and favoriting and adding it to your story alerts. I hope this doesn't disappoint.**

**I have one very specific shout out, to a guest reviewer by the name of bubblegumbitch (btw, I love that song!). She left me a very lovely review, and it kinda made my day. So I'd like to thank you, for taking the time to tell me all of those lovely things. I hope you like this chapter.**

**So here we go, one last warning: Cato is not going to be all lovey-dovey, he's got a lot on his mind, and as much as he loves Katniss, he's here to play the game. Review if you please, and enjoy.**

**Playing the Game**

_"Set me off like dynamite strapped tight around my waist  
>We are the ones in competition but claim this ain't no race<em>

_(Let's go!)_

_Take a breath and explode like bullets tearing through the wind_  
><em>Cut me up with a razor blade that tries to separate the skin<em>

_Now in the_  
><em>White flames of burning flags we<em>  
><em>Found a world worth dying for, yeah<em>  
><em>We've been battered so hard that we don't<em>  
><em>Feel anymore<em>

_Take me_  
><em>From this world<em>  
><em>Save me<em>  
><em>What if we<em>  
><em>All die young?"<em>

_-Rise Against_

_"Worth Dying For"_

His skin thrums with anticipation; he'd be lying if he said he's not looking forward to this. Cato knows it's wrong; but you can't undo a lifetime of training, and he was trained to kill, and to enjoy the kill. Loving Katniss might've made him a better person, but even she couldn't undo years of conditioning. _(Kill or be killed, do or die, kill or be killed, do or die, kill or be killed, do or die, kill or be killed, do or die, kill or be killed, do or die, kill or be killed, do or die, kill or be killed, do or die…)_

The point is, as much as he doesn't want to go in there, doesn't want to kill people _(kids, they're just kids)_, he kinda, sorta, does. There's this strange anticipation building him and it makes him sick and excited and disgusted all at once. He's going to kill, really going to kill, finally going to kill. He doesn't want to, but he really kinda does. He feels like he's being torn in two, into two different Catos, the Career, and the Boy. The Career who is trained to kill and revels in it and excels at it, and the Boy who loves a girl with every last fiber of his being and doesn't understand how the universe could hate them so much, that it would tear them apart like this.

In a way, he's glad that he and Katniss had already said goodbye, that she doesn't have to see him like this; pacing the length of his room, shaking with fear and disgust and excitement and loathing. He's glad Clove left hours ago without a word (_left to go to her)_. Glad that nobody is here to witness the first murder. Because on this night before the Hunger Games, the Career kills the boy and there's only one Cato. The one who leaves in the morning is not the one who said goodbye to the girl he loved. He's dead. It's the first casualty of the 74th annual Hunger Games.

* * *

><p>He sees Clove one last time before they go to the arena. He meets her eyes and sees that she's killed the Girl. The Career remains and he gives her a smirk with a hollow heart. She returns it with hollow eyes.<p>

The Boy speaks from beyond the grave. "Good luck, Sunshine."

The Girl sputters back to life before dying thoughtlessly. "Ain't nothin' lucky about it, Superstar, this, this is all skill."

It's time to go.

* * *

><p>His stylist is mercifully silent as she helps him dress for the arena. She only speaks to wish him luck and even then he only snorts and rolls his eyes. Like Clove said, there is nothing lucky about any of this.<p>

He steps into the tub and lets his training take over. His moment has come. Katniss might be meant for bigger things _(revolution, rebellion, change)_, but this is what he is _manufactured_ for; playing the game.

The platform rises; sixty seconds to go. His skin thrums with anticipation.

* * *

><p>It takes him seconds to register his surroundings. He smirks at the eerily familiar forest, it's like they're setting her up to win. He spots the bow and arrows and almost laughs. They're handing it to her on a golden platter.<p>

He spots Clove, she nods at him, the familiar anticipation he feels is reflected on her face. His best friend. _(His sister, he's never told her but he thinks she knows, she's his sister, and he has never loved her more than he does in this moment. She understands.)_

The sun glints off of Glimmer's hair and he barely takes in her determined face before he looks away. He catches sight of Peeta, his jaw clenched and his knuckles white. His eyes settle on Katniss. Her eyes are fixed on the bow. He watches her and commits her to heart and lets the Career love her too. The Boy might've died, but the Career would make her a victor.

The sixty seconds are up. He leaps. He lands. He fights.

* * *

><p>The first death shocks him to his core, the kid's neck snaps so easily, like a carrot. He never stood a chance. Cato moves through the shock, knocking bodies out of his way until he gets his hands on a sword. It's all over from there.<p>

He's numb, there is no joy, he hears the snap of the neck _(the carrot) _on repeat in his head. He catches a glimpse of Clove, a crazed look in her eyes, knives flying, blood smeared down her left cheek. He catches a girl in the stomach with his sword and tosses her to the side like a rag doll _(her__** gasp**__ joins the __**snap**__)_.

But Glimmer is the true crowning glory, whirling and stabbing and laughing, laughing, _laughing_. She looks like a demented angel, her golden braids splattered with blood, her skin pale against it. _(It's just like his dreams, Glimmer laughing with blood in her hair and malice in her heart.)_

He loses sight of her and focuses instead on the dwindling number of tributes for him to eradicate. When the fighting ends, it ends abruptly, and it's only himself, Clove, Marvel, the girl from four, and, surprisingly, Peeta. He raises an eyebrow at Clove, she shrugs.

"He's good with a knife," she quips dryly. He nods and doesn't question it. Clove knows what she's doing. She wouldn't let him stay if she didn't have a good reason. With Clove, everything, and everyone, must serve a purpose.

"Where's Glimmer?" he asks Marvel. The other boy frowns.

"Last I saw, she killed the chick from ten, and took off into the woods," he responds with and uneasy shrug. Cato frowns, but finds himself a little relieved. At least he doesn't have to deal with her particular brand of psycho. Clove's on the other hand; well he's survived the last thirteen years with her, a couple more weeks can't hurt. He grins to himself, knowing Clove would only take that as a compliment.

He turns to the district four female. "Where's your partner, Four?" She wipes dirt from her cheek and glares into the forest.

"Blondie got him, slit his throat from ear to ear and laughed, fucking crazy bitch," she spits. He shrugs.

Clove speaks up, "I lost a knife to Fire Girl," she hisses, sounding pissed. Only Cato notices the smug grin she's holding back.

He gives her a glare that is more mocking than real. "How truly unfortunate," he responds deprecatingly. She gives him a sharp look that's more affectionate than hateful. He can sense the others' unease and almost laughs, they really think Clove and himself are having some kind of fight. The absolute idiots. This is how he and Clove show affection.

It's Peeta, in the end, who brings them out of their bubble. He clears his throat and suddenly all eyes are on him. He looks distinctly uncomfortable, but plows on.

"Shouldn't we do inventory?" he suggests. Cato raises an eyebrow. "Ya know, see what's left?" he elaborates, pointing towards the cornucopia. Clove gives him a feral smile.

"Whatya know, Lover Boy's kinda smart," she trills mockingly. Cato almost laughs but instead nods his head.

"Sure thing, kid, we'll do _inventory_," he agrees easily. At this point, he can't hate the kid even if he tries, after all, he's going to die just like the rest of them. Everything else was just water under the bridge.

They begin the process of picking through their spoils, snacking on the food that's readily available, and claiming the weapons that suit their skillsets. Cato notes the absence of the bow and arrows, and hopes Katniss is the one who possesses it. Clove exclaims happily when she finds a fully intact set of knives, and Cato can't resist teasing her.

"Awww, did Clove find her toys?" he mocks good-naturedly. She flashes him a dark look, full of her special brand of humor.

"Yes, Cato, I did, do you wanna see me play?" she enquires innocently, fluttering her dark lashes at him. It takes everything in him not to laugh at her, he bites the inside of his cheek until he tastes blood.

"Go back to taking inventory, you brat," he says hoarsely. She grins and happily complies. Only then does he notice that everyone else has stopped to watch their interaction. He levels them with a stern look and they scurry back to work. But Mellark continues to look at him. Cato raises an eyebrow and the kid blushes.

"Sorry, you guys are just…" he trails off.

"Just what, kid?" he prompts with a roll of his eyes. He shrugs.

"You guys are kinda funny," he explains. Cato gives him a skeptical glare. "In a morbid kind of way," he elaborates. Cato frowns but nods. It's not entirely untrue. Peeta goes back to pulling bedrolls into a pile and Cato grabs an apple to eat.

* * *

><p>After they do inventory, it's only late afternoon, so they lounge around, eating and strategizing. Clove grins and Cato knows what she's going to say.<p>

"So, come on, 'fess up, kill counts!" she declares joyfully. She points at Marvel. He glares.

"Only one, fucking Glimmer stole my other one," he says moodily. Clove pouts

"Booo, no blaming others for your failure, Marv," she spouts nastily. She nods at Cato. He bites into his third apple.

"Three," he replies with a feral grin. He points back at her. She grins.

"Two, but there's still time to increase," she shoots back merrily. If he didn't know her so well, he would find her upbeat attitude to be slightly disturbing. But only slightly.

Clove points at Peeta. "How 'bout you, Lover Boy?" He shifts uncomfortably, clearly incensed with the idea of bragging about killing someone. Cato silently urges him to respond appropriately. He doesn't feel like watching Marvel attack the other boy for his sensitivity, no matter how much it irks him.

"One," he says shortly. Clove smiles approvingly.

"Not bad, for a Lover Boy," she tells him. Peeta smiles uncomfortably in return.

Clove turns to the district four girl, and the girl shifts. She coughs.

"Umm, zero," she whispers. They all turn to look at her sharply. She straightens. "I had one, but fucking Psycho Glimmer got him first, okay," she snaps defensively, sounding more whiny than anything else. "It's not my fault she's a bloodthirsty bitch."

They all just look at her. She squirms under their gaze. At last Cato speaks. "Better work on that, Four, no one likes a coward." She opens her mouth to retort but a look from Clove silences her.

"So that still leaves four kills unaccounted for," Clove points out. Marvel snorts.

"Don't be a fucking idiot, Two, we all know they're Glimmer's, that girl is a fucking monster," he drawls, sounding more envious than anything else. No one disagrees.

* * *

><p>When at last it's dark enough to go tribute hunting, they gather their weapons and limited supplies, they'll be back at camp by morning.<p>

**AN: I know this isn't as long as ya'll might like, but this is what I've got right now. Get ready for some major twists, I'll update when I can.**

**Xoxo**

**-Pixie**


	14. Questionable Reasoning

**AN: Hey everybody:) thanks for all the lovely reviews, and especially for all the supportive ones, I appreciate it so much, you guys rock. So here's Katniss' latest chapter, with the extra special surprise I mentioned before:) hope you guys like it! As always, enjoy, and review if you please.**

**Questionable Reasoning**

"_Here I am, a rabbit-hearted girl  
>Frozen in the headlights<br>It seems I've made the final sacrifice_

_We raise it up, this offering_  
><em>We raise it up<em>

_This is a gift, it comes with a price_  
><em>Who is the lamb and who is the knife?<em>  
><em>Midas is king and he holds me so tight<em>  
><em>And turns me to gold in the sunlight<em>

_I look around, but I can't find you (raise it up)_  
><em>If only I could see your face (raise it up)<em>  
><em>Instead of rushing towards the skyline (raise it up)<em>  
><em>I wish that I could just be brave<em>

_I must become a lion-hearted girl_  
><em>Ready for a fight<em>  
><em>Before I make the final sacrifice…"<em>

_-Florence + the Machine_

"_Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)"_

Katniss darts through the woods, praying the knife Clove threw to her (at her) wouldn't dislodge. The sixty seconds on the platform had felt like a lifetime, but the amount of time it took for her to get to the backpack, fight with the boy, and run into the woods, had felt like eons. Katniss spots a blur of color out of the corner of her eyes, but before she can react, they collide.

She lands with a heavy thud and scrambles backwards, reaching for the knife and wishing for the bow and arrows from the Cornucopia. She sags and releases the handle when she sees that it's Marissa. The other girl gives her a tentative smile and Katniss returns it. Without a word, the other girl stands and darts off into the woods.

Katniss stands and goes the opposite direction; it's better this way. No allies, no one to care about, _(no one to cry over when they die, no one to stab in the back)_.

She keeps running and running until she's finally feels that she's far enough away and then she drops to her knees. She heaves for air carefully, trying to keep from looking too desperate, in case anyone is watching. When she finally catches her breath, she pulls of the backpack—colored an unfortunate shade of orange, and finally pulls out the knife. She smiles faintly at its serrated blade, and sets it aside to examine the contents of the backpack.

A sleeping bag, crackers, dried beef strips, a bottle of iodine, sunglasses, a coil of wire, a box of matches, and an incredibly dry water container. The contents are decidedly useful, and maddeningly simplistic. And would it have hurt them to fill the water bottle? With a sigh, Katniss begins to repack the bag absentmindedly. She's trying not to think about Clove and Cato and Peeta and wondering if they're alive or dead, but she does anyway, and it only makes her feel sick to her stomach.

She knows Cato and Clove know what they're doing, they've trained for this all their lives after all, but she knows how quickly someone can die in the bloodbath, years of watching has taught her that it only takes a well-placed blow to take even a Career of Clove or Cato's caliber down. But despite Peeta's size and strength, he is a kind person at heart. She doesn't know if he has the capability to do what needs to be done to survive the games.

She knows it would be simpler if Peeta is already dead, it would bring Cato one step closer to winning after all, but she can't bring herself to wish him dead. So she settles for not thinking about it at all.

Just then the cannons start. The bloodbath is over. Katniss glances at the afternoon sun distractedly as she begins to count them. One…two…three…six…nine…eleven. Eleven dead in all. Katniss struggles against the tightness in her chest, reassuring herself that Cato and Clove have probably killed a good majority of the fallen tributes. She tells herself that it's a good thing and that they only did what they had to do, but suddenly her chest feels hollow.

She knows they aren't bad people, and that she will do the same when the time comes, and somewhere in the Capitol, people will cheer for her just as they cheered for them. But she can't change how she was raised any more than they can, and everything in her is screaming at the injustice of the slaughtering of innocent children.

She does not blame Cato or Clove. She blames the Capitol. They're just as much victims of the Capitol's crimes as the children they slaughter. They are also children, in the end. Just as she is a child. And yet all she can do is wish that things were different.

When she manages to rein in the hollowness in her chest, she realizes that she is not alone. She scrambles to her feet and stares at the sight before her, heart pounding. With blood splattered in her golden hair, a sword gripped in her bloodied knuckles, the bow and arrows thrown carelessly over the pack strapped to her back, and a manic grin pulling at her full lips, Glimmer is the very image of a victorious Career. Before Katniss can react, the other girl pulls the bow and sheath of arrows from her body and drops them at Katniss' feet. Katniss continues to stare.

"Hey, Kitty Kat," Glimmer greets sweetly, smiling again, this time more subdued, and less manic. "So I was thinking, how 'bout you and I team up? We'd be quite the team," the taller girl practically purrs, tossing her blood matted hair over her shoulder.

"Are you crazy?" Katniss blurts out unceremoniously. Glimmer rolls her eyes.

"Kitty, we've been over this before, duh, I'm fucking wacked, but once again, that's beside the point. We'd make a fucking _badass_ team," the blonde explains with a frightening level of excitement. Katniss just looks at her.

"But why?" Katniss asks at last. "I mean, you're a Career, why do you want to team up with me?" she elaborates. Glimmer rolls her eyes and cocks her hip to the side, propping her sword hand on her hip. Katniss shivers when she sees the dried blood on the steel of the blade.

"Lemme tell you something, Girl on Fire, you got the highest training score in like the history of forever. Everyone wants to team up with you, I'm just the only one who was smart enough to pull it off," Glimmer finishes with a one-shouldered shrug.

Katniss carefully bends down and takes up the bow and arrows. She stands holding them reverently. (In the back of her mind she contemplates putting an arrow through her head. She restrains herself, barely.) She tightens her fingers around the grip on the bow and finally looks the older girl right in the eye.

"How did you know?" she questions quietly, still not agreeing to team up with her. This is the girl, after all, who somehow knew about her and Cato. She's also a Career, for goodness sake. She can't be trusted.

"I saw you eyeing it at the Cornucopia, made a split second decision and grabbed it. Figured it could be my white flag," Glimmer shrugs. "Look, I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but I really do want to be your ally. You seem very resourceful, and to be honest, I'm pretty sure all the Careers hate me, like a lot," she finishes wryly.

Katniss examines the blonde silently before asking the question that's been bugging her since the other girl's interview. "Do you really love your sister that much? Or was that just an act to gain sponsors."

Glimmer shifts uncomfortably, clearly caught off guard by Katniss' question. Finally she answers in an unusually soft voice. "Yes." She clears her throat. "I mean, she was the only thing in my life that was pure, untainted," she admits softly. Katniss nods in understanding.

"Okay," Katniss responds. Glimmer's head snaps up. "We can be allies." The Career begins to smile but Katniss cuts her off. "But I still don't trust you! And this alliance ends when I say it does. And we're not going to kill each other. When I tell you, you're going to just walk away, all right?" Katniss demands, holding her voice strong, and staring the green-eyed girl directly in the eye. She nods excitedly.

"Absolutely, right!" she agrees enthusiastically. She holds out her hand and Katniss reluctantly shakes it. "So what do we do first?" Glimmer questions eagerly.

Katniss raises her eyebrow but speaks anyway. "We need to find water, and a good tree to spend the night in, I hope you can climb, Glim," Katniss responds dryly. Glimmer gives her half a smile.

"My sister calls me that," she whispers. Katniss' eyes widen.

"Sorry, I won't do it again," Katniss promises. Glimmer shakes her head.

"No, it's okay, I don't mind when you call me it," she says almost shyly. Katniss nods awkwardly.

"Right, well let's go look for some water," Katniss says with a gesture for the other girl to follow. Glimmer sheathes her blade and follows behind her. Katniss fights against shuddering or turning to watch the Career and instead focuses on looking for signs of water, like mud or moss growing nearby. She will not let herself be frightened by the other girl.

* * *

><p>It starts to get dark, and Katniss and Glimmer must accept that they won't be able to find water this night. Instead, Katniss shows Glimmer how to set a snare, and then they share some of the food Glimmer brought from the Cornucopia, apples and cheese and rich, dark bread.<p>

When they're moderately full, Katniss goes about picking a tree for them to camp in. Glimmer looks slightly uneasy, but does not argue when Katniss declares a sturdy willow their best bet. Katniss scampers up with startling ease and then patiently instructs Glimmer on where to place her hands and feet. When she's settled on a thick branch below the dark-haired girl, Glimmer breathes a sigh of relief.

"You make that look so much easier than it is," she sighs, straddling the branch. Katniss gives her a small smile.

"I take that as a compliment," Katniss yawns, pawing at the dried blood on her face with a grimace. She'd really like to find some water.

"Good, because it was one," Glimmer says with a smile in her voice. Katniss refuses to admit that she's already growing kind of fond of her strange ally. It wouldn't do either of them any good.

"I'll take first watch," she says instead. Glimmer hums her assent and then the anthem begins to play. Both girls adjust their positions to see the seal of the Capitol on the sky. When the pictures begin to flash in the sky, Katniss holds her breath.

The girl from three is shown, and Katniss lets out the breath. Cato and Clove are still alive. The boy from four is shown and Glimmer hums happily, which Katniss assumes means that the blonde is the one who killed him. Next is the boy from five, and Katniss allows herself half a second to be relieved that Marissa has made it through the first day.

Both from six and seven. The boy from eight. Both from nine (Glimmer hums at both pictures and Katniss holds back a gag, she's changed her mind, she hates her again). The last picture to be shown is the girl from ten. Glimmer hums again. The night sky fades black. There is a long, unbearable silence.

"So four, that must be a pretty impressive starting number," Katniss bites out. Glimmer lets out a hollow laugh from bellow.

"I have a lot of rage," she says simply. Katniss doesn't respond. Eventually the other girl's breathing evens out and she is asleep. Katniss rolls her eyes at the other girl's arrogance. So certain that Katniss would never do something as dishonorable as killing her in her sleep, the blonde sleeps with ease. (It never crosses Katniss' mind that it isn't an act of arrogance, but pure and simple trust.)

A couple hours later, Katniss whispers the other girl's name into the dark, and she is awake within seconds. Glimmer assures her that she is truly awake and Katniss tries her best to relax enough to rest. She falls in and out of consciousness for an hour or two before she sits bolt right up as a twig snaps, breaking the relative silence of the night. Without a word, Katniss drops from her branch and lands next to Glimmer silently. The other girl already has her sword drawn. Katniss draws her bow and notches an arrow and scans the darkness.

The rustling continues, and then a spark interrupts the darkness. Eventually flames erupt and Glimmer and Katniss exchange a disbelieving glance. Katniss can just barely make out the messy brown curls of the district eight girl. Glimmer begins to hiss expletives directed at the girl into her ear, and Katniss has to clamp her hand over her mouth to get her to stop. Meanwhile, the district eight girl begins to doze almost immediately.

When Glimmer gives her an exasperated look, she releases her. Glimmer leans in until Katniss can smell the spicy scent of her skin mixed with the coppery smell of blood and whispers right into her ear. "Just let me kill the dumb bitch, or she's going to get _us_ killed," she hisses. Katniss is about to agree when she hears the stomping of multiple boots. In a panic, she shoves Glimmer up, pointing towards her previous perch.

Without a word, the older girl climbs up as quietly as possible, and then Katniss follows in perfect silence. They tuck themselves against the trunk of the tree, their bodies pressed together with Glimmer leaning back against the trunk. Katniss can feel the echoing thunder of the other girl's heart, and it calms her to know that even a Career can feel fear in the games. Katniss' balance is precarious at best, so Glimmer wraps her arms around the smaller girl to steady her without comment.

The rest of the Careers march into view and Katniss buries her face into Glimmer's neck before she can see what they do to the girl. Glimmer rubs soothing circles on her lower back, and does not say a word against her unwillingness to watch the girl die.

When it's over, and the Careers move almost directly under them, Katniss still does not dare to move, afraid any movement might attract their attention. Cato and Clove will have a hard time getting out of killing her with Marvel and the district four girl with them.

"I haven't heard a cannon," Cato declares loudly. Katniss doesn't have to look to know it's him, she knows his voice better than her own, after all.

"Are you sure she's really dead?" Clove snide voice questions mockingly. Another girl huffs, clearly the district four Career.

"Yes, I'm sure, I stuck her myself!" she screeches impatiently.

"Yeah well, clearly you didn't do a very good job," another male voices announces flatly. Probably the district one boy.

"Guys, we're wasting time! I'll take care of it myself," an eerily familiar male voice says firmly.

"Is that…" Katniss breathes against Glimmer's neck.

"Yes…" she breathes back. What is Peeta doing with the Career pack?

Down below, the Careers have begun to argue the usefulness of having Peeta on their side. Surprisingly, Cato and Clove are firmly on team Peeta, while the district one male and district four female are opposed. Katniss can't help but wonder why Cato and Clove are so intent on keeping Peeta with them. A cannon booms and puts it out of her mind for the moment.

Peeta returns and the Careers move on. When they can no longer hear them, Katniss raises her head from Glimmer's neck and scoots back so the other girl can move back down to her perch.

Once she's settled Katniss gets comfortable again too.

"Go to sleep, Kitty Kat, I'll wake you up before dawn," Glimmer calls up in a soft voice.

"All right," Katniss responds, trying to get comfortable. She manages a couple more hours of restless sleep before Glimmer wakes her.

They descend the tree in relative silence, only broken when Katniss corrects Glimmer's footing. When they reach the ground, Katniss leads Glimmer to check on their snares, and Glimmer lets out a small laugh of delight when she sees the rabbit hanging from one.

Katniss smiles and then quickly shows her how to remove the skin and entrails. When it's gutted, Glimmer suggests using the still warm fire from the unfortunate district eight tribute to cook it. Katniss agrees and they stir the coals until it glows warmer. The fashion a spit and then discuss which direction they want to go while it cooks.

By the time they settle on a direction, the rabbit is done. Glimmer kicks dirt over the coals and they take off, each eating a leg with the rest in Katniss' pack. Hopefully, they'll find water soon.

**AN: All righty then, the next chapter will be from Cato's POV again, and I hope ya'll liked this one. To all of you taking exams/finished exams/starting exams, best of luck, my lovelies, and congrats to the finished, like myself:) And a Happy Holidays, to all!  
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**Xoxo**

**-Pixie**


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